I think my marriage is dead

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This is all rather fascinating.. a little glimpse into the lives of people truly living off the land with no real formal plans for structures or anything.. just totally winging it.

Sounds like something you could set a couple webcams up for people to watch live whenever they're bored and generate some ad revenue from the streams. :p

I don't think either of us would want to set up live webcams for people to just watch us... That also seems like a serious security flaw if local methies found it. Also, we don't have landline internet... Just our phones.

I took some pictures of it and my wife snapped that she didn't want to be in frame. i snapped back that she wasn't, it was just the hole. She had also mentioned planning to take some pictures of the project at some point.


Edit: we have in the past talked about possibly doing a youtube channel or something, but I think that would at this point only be if thing between us are mended.

IMO working toward a common goal could bring the two of you together.

That's what I am hoping. Also, her seeing that she needs me to do certain things just like I need her for certain things. I am honestly quite glad that she was unable to break through the roots as it meant she was forced to reconsider her initial refusal of help.

I would still leave. Your wife considers having romantic interactions with you similar to having romantic interactions with a child. She basically thinks you're mentally below the age of consent i.e roughly a 15 year old.

Time to divorce her. It'll do you no good to your self esteem being around such a person who is clearly infantilising you and probably has no respect for you as a man. She seems to only treat you well in the sense a adult treats a child well. What she's offering you now is half a marriage and I think you could do better than that.

I want to fix it though. I still love her and we have so much in common. We've also known each other for over 10 years now. I thought we were going to be together till one of us died (hopefully in old age). She doesn't seem to currently have any desire to fix the marriage though, yet seems to want me to stay in her life and not in a small way... If I cannot fix this, I will leave. I cannot accept just being permanently friend zoned by my wife.

A couple days ago, she got really mad at me when my answer to her asking me what my back up plan is, was to say, "I don't know". We then went inside from digging and when things calmed down some had a conversation where she said that she is terrified that I will just leave no notice or that I might seriously hurt myself. So we ended up assuring each other that we will not just up and leave without the other one being aware of when. That makes sense for a variety of reasons, not least of which is because we have animals together. During that conversation though, she listed some of her potential plans. One of which was for us both to just stay here together indefinitely, another was for us to both move to a new property together. It would be one thing if those plans involved staying as a couple, but they don't which makes that second one especially crazy. We are both going through a lot right now and have been. I really do hope that I can win her back and that improving the living conditions and other things will help with solving the situation and help to prevent this from happening again.

You said it perfectly yourself. Your own wife plans to friend zone you which for a wife isn't acceptable. Her future plans with you seem entail teaming up for financial security reasons and little more.

Perhaps she likes your company but I think living apart will be best while perhaps doing what you currently are work wise with her.

While true, it sounds like they both have their issues and that if she's already changed her mind some she may change her mind more. Also, it's not like they're both out and about in a buzzing social or nightlife scene with either or both of them wanting to date or be with someone else. They're homesteading with animals in the Appalachians.. a wee bit stuck with each other for now, so, may as well make the most of it IF their marriage could be salvaged.

Very true they are a bit stuck but I can't help but feel his wife knew about his problems long in advance of their marriage and is only now bringing them up cos she wants to slack off. It appears her like of him is now purely to fulfil her own personal interests and nothing more.

Worthless, I did a stint of homesteading in Upstate New York for five years. We had a house, but it was minimal in a lot of ways. Wood heat. Drafty. Did have electric and running water, though. I get it about the hard work.

What has impressed me in reading this thread is your ability to pull yourself out of the apathy and get to work on your life. Working as a team toward a goal is positive for both of you.

I don’t see raising children in your current environment, but that could change if you can get your housing stabilized.

Well,. Today when she woke up. She came out into the living room and asked if I had gotten the screws she wanted me to buy. I said no, and that I had tried to, but she wouldn't hear it and started yelling and cussing at me. Then she told me that she wants me to move out immediately. She expects me out before Christmas. She also said she expects me to continue to stay in the area and provide financial and other support for her and the farm for the time being...


She said she doesn't know why I am so shocked as she had made it clear already that the relationship is over.

I'm sorry to hear this. Maybe you answered this earlier but why do you need to move out, and not her? Does she own the house? Unless there have been acts of DV or a threat to either party, there's no rush for you to move out on her schedule. The result could be catastrophic for you financially. Take your time and hire a lawyer if needed, for a separation agreement which is fair to both of your needs.

She certainly has some interesting ideas of how life works.

It's one thing if you have an argument or three and then continue to work together to build a life, your relationship, a homestead farm etc.

But to tell you she's breaking up with you and wants you to move out But expects you to stay nearby and pay for everything is laughable.

Is the property in both of your names? That's the only major asset you've spoken of. Who paid for it? Or mostly paid for it? If it's hers, or not worth fighting over, just walk away and start fresh somewhere else. Not like you're not used to roughing it and can't survive on your own. If it's both of yours and worth some money, either buy her out, or have her buy you out, and if neither of you can afford it or don't want to stay there, sell it on the open market and split the proceeds appropriately - 50/50 Or the % either of you put into it etc.

Then once the asset is divided and dealt with, physically leave. Relocate. Nearby or far away doesn't matter. If there's no relationship partnership there's no reason for you to stick around and put in the physical and financial effort to build something for someone else that has no interest in you as a partner whatsoever. Clean break, excommunicate her from your life and move on. She can sort out her own solutions to her problems that don't involve enlisting you as her slave, IMO.

As for the property sale/division etc, tell her you expect her decision on whether she's buying you out or if the property is being put up for sale etc by Christmas so you can make arrangements to have transactions completed and move on asap. She's the one that ended the relationship; she can't expect that she's not going to have to make these sorts of changes in her life once she no longer has a partner.

Skrew her.

Take Isabella's advice.

Don't move out until you have a legally binding separation agreement that is fair to you. If you both own the land, she has to buy you out. If she can't, you continue to live there. Period.

I agree with goldfish, she has a very strange world view. She does not get to use you for labor and financial support while denying you a place to live (or a relationship) in your own house.

You do need a good lawyer, unfortunately, if you really need to sort this out. Otherwise, just stay there. She cannot make you leave if you own the property.

Whose name is the property in? If it’s in both your name’s you may have to sell out and split the money.If your name is on the deed she can’t make you leave.
Where I’m at( Ozarks) I’ve seen many bust ups when the going gets rough in the woods.People start arguing over where to plant the carrots and it all goes downhill.Living in the backwoods isn’t for everyone.You have to work together to make a go of it, one person can’t handle the whole load and do all the chores.
Good luck.