Traumatic event from nearly 8 years ago, missed opportunity

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Persistent feelings of shame and cowardice haunt me due to a past scenario from nearly 8 years ago where I missed out on a relationship, when someone I grew powerful feelings for was interested in pursuing a relationship with me, but at the time I was protecting myself through a Stoic perspective on life and walking a path of singlehood. I later changed my mind and decided I must pursue a relationship, but by then it was too late and she had gotten with someone else.

Long story short: I tried to be her friend after she got with that person, couldn't cope with the distress long-term of never being with her when before she got with that person she did want to be with me, eventually I had to leave the friendship when a year or so down the line she got with someone else once more, and I never received closure.

How can I convince my brain that my actions weren't cowardly, shameful and worthy of my self-condemnation?
How can I convince myself that a mistake like this is okay?
The combination of Aspergers, OCD, and probable PTSD are bullying my mind throughout each day, and I can't control it.

I hate living like this, and I am in dire need of inner-peace and a solution within myself.

Accept what was once a possibility isn't.
Learn from your mistakes and apply the knowledge gained.

My Therapist doesn't think my actions in the past scenario were cowardly. I need to convince myself somehow, in some way, that this is true.

I think you need to try to forgive the person you were back then, which is not the same person as the person you are now. We all change at different times of our lives and become a bit like someone else over the years. The person you were then wanted to stay single, or thought that was the best course of action. The person you are now feels differently, but you can forgive the back-then you, because that person was doing the best they could at the time.

You received closure. She left you and moved on with someone else.

It is about time you stopped grieving about a moment in time eight years ago. As you know, it does you no good. Why do let a woman who you knew eight years ago and who I doubt ever thinks of you control your life?

My ex-wife left me, out of the blue, after twenty-two years together and eighteen years of marriage. It screwed me up really bad, and I hit rock bottom and lost everything. But I pulled myself out of it. You can too.

I suppose that is true. I wasn't mentally-aligned with what I felt at the time, until later.
This scenario and outcome has unfortunately manifested into a complex trauma. If I could press a button and feel content and healthy again, I most certainly would.

I would like to forgive myself; some people seem to suggest positive affirmations and consistently affirming them to myself - such as, as you mentioned, forgiving myself - until my brain begins to process them and adjust to them, and believe them.
EMDR Therapy has also been suggested - I will try this.