Have I not ''lived'' for not partying, travelling a lot etc?

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chris1989
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29 Nov 2023, 9:12 pm

I seem to wonder sometimes now that one of the reasons I am still single and some of my peers are either married and have kids or have kids and are not married is because I didn't do the things that people do when they are a bit younger such as going down to the pub or a nightclub and not making myself look more ''interesting'' and ''attractive'' to other people by having a drink and a laugh in order to impress people despite not being as social back then as I am now. I know this sounds ridiculous even though I know very well that people meet people in other ways too such as at work, in a shop, on a plane, etc but I still can't help keep having this ridiculous notion in my head that other people are now married and have kids because it all started when they met in a club. I have these thoughts because it just feels as though I'm being ''left behind'' and stuck in the same place and everyone else has moved on. That's why I get these ''shoulds'' in my head like I ''should'' be married by now, I ''should'' be a father to my own child by now and seeing other people going through these life stages makes me feel the need to be like them in order to ''fit in''.



Edna3362
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03 Dec 2023, 11:53 am

Not partying, go clubbing and travelling meant "not lived a life?"

That would apply for, like, ⅔'s of my acquaintances.
Again, I never met another ND.


As for myself, I'm being held back.
I'm tackling a damnable 20+ year old problem of mine that been influencing me for so long, and still looking for an answer as to how to get rid of it.


How were you convinced of those "should haves"?


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ProfessorJohn
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06 Dec 2023, 11:15 am

Do you like traveling? I have done a fair amount but don't find it all that meaningful. In some ways it can be a real pain and I would be ok if I never did a serious trip again



chris1989
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08 Dec 2023, 3:23 pm

ProfessorJohn wrote:
Do you like traveling? I have done a fair amount but don't find it all that meaningful. In some ways it can be a real pain and I would be ok if I never did a serious trip again


I do like to travel but I have never done it on my own and I don't feel like doing it on my own.



Moonlight999
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14 Dec 2023, 7:55 am

I never did the things you mentioned either (except for travelling alone - it's very difficult for me to travel with other people due to having very different needs) and I do have a partner, we met online a few years ago.
I'm older than you so don't worry, there will always be time to meet someone :D nowadays people meet potential partners at any age, someone in my family remarried in their late 50s. We don't need to find someone before we're 30 anymore, these times are over. We live longer and have more possibilities.
BTW my partner did all the things you mentioned (partying, having a lot of friends and so on) but didn't meet a partner this way.

But I would like to ask you a question: do you want a "typical" life because that's what you really and deeply want in your heart, or because you feel like you "should" live like everyone else?



belijojo
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14 Dec 2023, 8:00 am

The same confusion, it seems that others have already blossomed but I have not yet sprouted.


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aunt_rina
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14 Dec 2023, 11:42 pm

I have the thought that you're having these thoughts because not having done those things earlier may be something that, at the time, made you feel different, or even isolated. And now you're feeling different due to being unpartnered ( which is very common at this age btw), and you're linking it to this other instance of when you felt like everyone your age was out doing the same thing ( partying ). So because the feeling is similar, so your mind is linking them as cause and effect. That doesn't actually make them cause and effect.



IsabellaLinton
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15 Dec 2023, 1:36 am

I don't know anyone who met their partner in a pub.
That's a terrible place to meet someone, imo.



ProfessorJohn
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16 Dec 2023, 11:06 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I don't know anyone who met their partner in a pub.
That's a terrible place to meet someone, imo.


It happens. I know people who have, though it probably happens less than TV or the movies would have us believe. Those places are really geared towards the very attractive and/or the very socially skilled.