Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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jennyishere
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19 Feb 2024, 5:43 am

Raleigh wrote:
Dear lady at the grocery store,

Hope you didn't mind me paying for your groceries.
I could afford it and you looked stressed by your card not working, so I paid and left while you were on the phone and distracted.
You looked like you needed that food.

Regards,
Raleigh.


That was a really kind thing to do, Raleigh. :heart:



TwilightPrincess
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19 Feb 2024, 12:10 pm

Dear You,

Thank you for being you.

From,
Me



Comet Zed
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23 Feb 2024, 7:55 am

Dear you,

My love is not measured by the brief time you were here. My heart is crushed by the gravity of everything you'll never have and what I couldn't give you. My arms will always ache for a weight they never held. My soul will always long for you.



CockneyRebel
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02 Mar 2024, 11:13 am

Dear mum,

You don't know the reason I go to bed at 11PM and you never will, because I'm never going to tell you.

Me

PS. You've forfeited your right to know in 2016 when you were being abusive towards be just for being the way that I really am.


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TwilightPrincess
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07 Mar 2024, 1:43 pm

Dear You,

Thank you. :heart:

From,
Me



Lost_dragon
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10 Mar 2024, 6:20 am

Dear You,

I appreciate how much work and effort you have put in to get to where you are.

However, I wish that you would recognise that you and I are living different lives. I wish that you would acknowledge that there was also a degree of luck and timing involved in your situation.

I also wish that you would tell me that you are proud. I wish that you would hug me and tell me that you recognise that I am trying.

I wish for too much. Ultimately I disagree with your assessment. I'm not lazy. I'm scared. Of course I am. The fear ties my stomach in knots. It exhausts me.

You see excuses. You don't understand. Can't fathom my tiredness. You dismiss it. That's why I know that I will never find comfort in your presence. Even though I wish it so.

I will have to find comfort elsewhere. Sometimes I just want to yell at you and ring these thoughts into your head. Even then you would never listen. I know you don't understand where I'm coming from. Why it's been difficult. I just need to know that it's my decision. I hear so many remembered voices springing around in my head that I no longer know my own. Please. Just. Be quiet. Let me think. I don't expect you to listen, but I need to hear myself for once.

From,

Me.


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FleaOfTheChill
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16 Mar 2024, 10:50 pm

Heya, mister.

I meant it. I hope you know it. Not just that I mean it, but that it's the truth.

Now if only we could make people see themselves the way that we see them, huh? Stupid reality.

Me



Lost_dragon
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25 Mar 2024, 8:38 pm

Dear You,

Can you hear it? The sounds droning into a blurred hum like a beating drum. It's a pleasant sensation, reminds me of a familiar radio station.

I've heard silence be described as peaceful. I disagree. My world is never silent. There is always a rustle in the trees, a screech or a hoot of an owl, scurrying squirrels way up high or pigeons cooing up in the sky.

The world ever so full of life. Silence is scary. It is fear. Likely a predator drawing near.

Life stalls. It starts. There is a comfort and yet a horror in knowing that I am just another part of the symphony. I continue on because my chorus is not yet done. The notes I sing may be wonky but they contribute to the song all the same.

From,

Me.


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Raleigh
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28 Mar 2024, 3:37 am

Dear f****d up autistic brain

Thanks for nothing.


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Lost_dragon
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03 May 2024, 12:44 pm

Dear You,

SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!

This is my freaking life and I'm sick of you being up in my business all the freaking time. I'm taking a break from you. Get on your bike and clear off.

From,

Me.


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IsabellaLinton
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04 May 2024, 11:28 am

JFC - When songs are so perfect you wince.






https://youtu.be/oRuhwOIuIgs?si=1wYaTXt1zgRz64xO



I can't make the damn phone ring
It's simply pathetic if I call you anymore
I can't figure it now
We tallied our scores, I got knocked out

I know when you come to town
I know where you drop your dime and who it's for
I'm not good enough to time a cup of coffee

Thirty years was long enough
Look at me
I'm an old colleague
Another hard knock's day acquaintance

Finally you are free of me
It must be true or you'd give a minute
But it's always my fault
Always it's your f*****g mess
This unbalanced resolve

I must be hateful
So I hang up the phone
Call it a small sacrifice
That you still hear me now

Dear You
The vinyl it was blue
Stalking poor blokes, commiserating drunks at sea
Do you remember my jawbreaker rocked "the boat"
I'm sure you do... and don't

Look at me
I'm an old fly, buddy
Just a blue coach class acquaintance
Finally you are free of me
It must be true 'cause it only makes sense

I can still see you now
Pictures are in every town
I can still write it down - "I must be hateful"
I can hang up the phone
Even at those lofty heights
You still hear me now





I Must Be Hateful
Lagwagon



-----------

Sit and spin with your wild horse crap.


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Edna3362
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10 May 2024, 5:41 pm

Ma,

Since you brought up Mother's Day with how much that devastated your body and wanting a day out for that -- of course my answer will be 'I did not asked for this (life)' just for THAT kind of statement. :skull:

I don't care if it's a joke. I just am not... 'Like you flirt/pervs' that will appreciate those things. Can't any of you get it?

And it's 6am, had just woke up, no coffee since yesterday, had only 30 minutes left to go and leave.


I may be a wanted and planned child that came out after years of trying as far as my knowledge goes.
But the motive??? I ain't so sure... Blame the social norms for mistrusting you.


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Edna3362
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12 May 2024, 8:29 pm

Edna3362 wrote:
Note to anyone; myself included.


Executive function is not the same as motivation or any kind of emotions involved.

The last time I had a full blown working executive function was in a very lazy and apathethic mood, yet did just about everything right only with simple intent.

Because somewhere, inside my biological processing, is self regulating and self monitoring.
No distractions, no overwhelm, no stupid forgetfulness, no 'accidents', no 'mishearing' or 'misreading'. Intent and actions matches.

It's about control and without that amount of conscious effort except intent itself for a navigation. :roll:
It's never about "caring enough" or "trying harder" or even "knowing enough". At all.

It is not a skill itself -- coping and compensating for it is a very different skill and not the same -- but itself is a key to do skills.

But more like having more than enough fuel to automatically prevent that annoying internal see-saw like dysregulation that inevitably distorts perception, judgment and disregards intent translate into behaviors.

Sort of like an oil to a machines' gears than a fuel.
It never mattered how much fuel one has if the gears are stuck, missing, blocked or broken -- unreliable.

I know mine is either stuck or blocked, instead of missing or broken.
That's the only relief I have -- a chance to find my kind of 'oil' to my cognitive gears.
And I just can't let it go of it... Because I'm just very frustrated with it not having it. :x


From,
Memory of mine, knowing and had experienced the contrast between the functioning me and the dysfunctional me.

To everyone and myself.

I WAS RIGHT.
I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

From - Me.

Who:
-Had first taken hormonal birth control pills without prescription at mid/late March of 2024.
-Suddenly relatively alexithymic and is no longer too preoccupied with emotions losing the BPD like symptoms.
-Wasted most of April due to sneezing and coughing.
-Overcame a 20+ year old on going maladaptive daydreaming and no longer preoccupied with thoughts.
-Finally able to confront the deeper psych issues more easily, and then losing most of ADHD like symptoms...

... IN A SPAN OF 2 MONTHS.

And I ain't done. Oh no.

While I'm up-skilling happily for my possible futures, I'd still passively try every possible stuff that can make my life easier than I already have everytime time I get lucky with money. :lol:

Which I've been doing for so, so long. Better now that I metabolize stuff differently with different hormones.

I'm not yet 100% fully myself or find that one state that made me feel like my own age...

But it certainly beats less than 20% the majority of the time I spent stuck in this brain-fogged, heavy-weakened, somewhat in pain and practically almost-so-damn-done-with-this-burden-of-a-life-body!

I looooong accepted autism as a part of me.
I know how to handle and work around autism.
I am coping with and from autism.
I am already working with autism.

BUT;
My hormonal issues and all the confusion and problems it caused is NOT autism.
My maladaptive day dreaming and the head issues that gave me is NOT autism.

My mood issues and all that unreliability?? :lol: Is.Not.Me. It might not even be autism.

I know myself enough to know and fully comprehend which is 'my wiring' - my own inner make-up, my 'style', my ways of interacting with the world... And which is ILLNESS that needs to be cured or should've been prevented in the first place.

"Accept that whatever you're dealing is a part of autism" :roll: -- MY BIG-FRICKING-HELL-OF-AN-ARSE!! !

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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TwilightPrincess
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20 May 2024, 4:21 pm

I don’t understand.



Beau
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13 Jun 2024, 1:31 am

Miss you. Keep watching over me, okay? I can't do this alone.


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IsabellaLinton
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16 Jun 2024, 1:40 am

Happy Father's Day.

I miss you more than you'll ever know.
You're still my hero.

I've been swimming for you, and taking care of Mum like I promised.

Rest on the waves -

xo Susie and Crew


PS Thanks for the dream too. I still remember it.





https://youtu.be/ttuBFGhT4KE?si=E32VfzdMzwBxolbe


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