Very upset with mom(and she probably is with me too)

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There have been many times where my mom has screwed up in ways causing me annoyances or inconveniences. Most of which it doesn’t make sense that she would screw something up. It happened again today. We went through the drive thru at Hardee’s and I told her I wanted a certain sandwich. I ended up getting just a sandwich and nothing else. I thought that it was common knowledge that fries or something like that always comes with the burger or chicken sandwich or whatever. I got upset with her and she got defensive about it. A bit later she asked me what was on my mind and I reminded her of other times where she’s caused me problems, like when we had to wait 5 hours for our connecting flight because she didn’t throughly read an email about the flight schedule being changed(which gave her the option to change flights, therefore preventing the long layover), among several other examples. All she did was deflect, saying that she’s human and also asked “have you considered how I feel?”. There’s been times before where she insists that I take responsibility for things, most of which have no affect on her, but when I called her out on stuff today, she deflected. That’s not to say I’ve NEVER apologized to her or anyone else when I really felt like it was warranted, but this is not one of those times.

I’m having a hard time.

You went through the drive-thru together, so didn't you order your own food or hear her order yours?

I'm bewildered how this is her fault.

It sounds like both you and your mom need to work on how you communicate with each other.

If you wanted the meal, not just the sandwich you probably should have confirmed that was understood before having your mom place the order. Further, when the order was being placed you had a chance to say something, at least if you were paying attention and noticed that a misunderstanding was in progress.

Also, if there's a recent issue you're upset about, dredging up a bunch of unrelated previous disappointments to also be angry about is a bit unfair. Even if those previous disappointments are part of a broader pattern, it's often better to discuss how it's an ongoing pattern when you're not worked up over the most recent addition to the list.

because she stupidly assumed that I only wanted the sandwich. Hell, when you go through the drive thru they’ll oftentimes ask you “do you want fries?” Or “do you want the combo or just the sandwich?” or something like that”. I will say at this point that believe it or not, it was basically an automated voice that was talking to us. But that’s not an excuse. Everyone knows that fries generally come with fast food meals.

I wouldn’t be as mad at this point if she wasn’t immediately on the defense when I told her my frustration, but she was, which I actually understand even less.

There's not much I can say to this because it's the Haven, but I wouldn't tolerate anyone calling me stupid or considering me stupid for a mistake in their own communication.

I'll leave it at that and hope you can apologize.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time but it really sounds like you are in the wrong here. Your mother made some very common and understandable mistakes that are not that big of a deal. The sandwich incident doesn't even seem to be a mistake, but your failure to say what you wanted with your sandwich.

It's easy to see other people's mistakes when they are doing something for you and not see that if you were in their position you might easily make the same mistake, or some other one.