I have always gone with the flow, without any desire to possess or pursue anything. Being in the top 50% of the class is the way of life I am used to.
After entering college, the order completely changed. There was no direction, no supervision, and no ranking. I spent college in a long period of boredom. I felt uncomfortable and couldn't explain what the bad feeling was. I thought my life state was terrible, and I was terrible in this state. I threw my life away like an alcoholic.
If you ask me what kind of life I want, I don't know. I don't like physical pain, from hunger, cold, and illness, that's all.Maybe, I want to go back to kindergarten and want my parents to buy me toys after school.This is the best life I can imagine.
I was kind of bored and weak, and I was a little disappointed in myself.
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For I so loved the world, that I gave My theory and method, that whosoever believeth in Me should not be oppressed, but have a liberated life. /sarc