I cant get rid of anxiety

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I feel anxious since my childhood, especially among other people. Whatever I do I cant cure it. I try to act normal but I come off as a weirdo anyway. Everytime I say something, I need to calculate before I speak. So that makes me anxious and I hate preparing for every social situation. I need to prepare for 10 minutes for a 1 minute phone call for example. Words dont come out of my mouth naturally. It's very tiring.

If it's being autistic;

How much assurance, certainty and predictability do you seek?

How intolerant are you to mistakes, uncertainty, and things going wayside?


If it's outside being autistic;

Does this run in the family?

Anything that exacerbates that state?

Ever tried to consciously confront and embrace that state and figure it's possible root causes like subconsicous beliefs and trauma, whether with an aide of a therapist or something else entirely?

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have you tried a psychiatrist?

I still struggle with this- I get it. I'm on medication which has helped reduce the severity of my anxiety ( not eliminate it unfortunately). I over prepare and grit my teeth as you describe for a lot. And sometimes I just call illness and hibernate when I can. Maybe it's not a traditional physical illness but it might as well be and should be treated accordingly. It's a seesaw

Medication and therapy worked for me. And lots of mimicking other people's behavior.