How to go on when your soul is destroyed and there's no hope

Post Reply New Topic

When I went through my "destroyed soul" period, I remembered everything that led up to that time -- there was no traumatic amnesia for me.

When someone died, or lost their job, or was evicted, or was expelled from school, or arrested, or suffered some other misfortune, I felt nothing -- no pity, no pain, not even a sense of schadenfreude. Nothing.

It was as if my emotional centers had shut down completely, leaving only the clear coldness of pure thought. Most of those thoughts were dark and violent, however, and thwarted only by the knowledge that acting on those thoughts would hurt innocent people and make my situation much worse than it was.

The "re-awakening" was slow and painful. It took many months before I was able to weep real tears, and even longer before I could fully trust another person.

Life got better.

i have recovered many memories. slowly piecing myself togather. i am far from being secure. periods of dead emotions, yes. stupid, dumb, dull curiosity (of harmful things). unfocused, or focused rage - more often. flashbacks. nightmares. self harm. i couldnt sleep entirely for over 2 months, because nightmares would not secede. i'd switch off every 2-3 days for a couple of hours, then get jerked awake. main thing, i did not realise. i just took it for norm. it had been building for over a decade. i'd get hellbent on this or that thing, rage to keep me going. something, anything. wouldnt matter. i could know nothing else than to get busier than i can handle. i am learning now. i asked mother for a hug the other day. it was a huge accomplishment for me. getting through a day without a meltdown is still bigtime rare. but its all better than it was.

If your happiness relies upon other people, you might as well give up hope - other people, as such, are inherently unreliable. The only way you'll escape from the prison you're in is if you learn to place your values inside of, rather than outside of, yourself:

Cicero

na, thats just another sort of prison. one u can never escape if u go in. unless i totally misunderstood u. i chose to place my values in human relationships that had transcended my trauma.

I don't have anything against social relationships as such, I just don't think one can RELY on them as a source of happiness.

shalt us agree to disagree

All due respect that isn't true. Even if we don't know each other I value you very much, and I am sure others on this forum do as well.

But I do know what it's like to feel un-valued by others. I've have been rejected many times in my life sometimes by those I loved. Honestly, I am feeling rejected as we speak. It is a horrible, sinking, feeling.



Yeah I'm starting to see that.

Thank you

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think that even if no one in the world values you your existence is important. You should keep on trying to be happy and and find ways to entertain yourself.