Rants

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I am sick to death of my own obsessive mind. I drive myself crazy thinking about bad things that have happened or may happen. Or I obsess about ideas or people I can never understand but I keep hopelessly trying. It's like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall and trying to break the wall, but I'm only breaking my head.

I wish I could wire my stupid mouth shut.

Why do people have to suffer? And no, I'm not talking about me here, because that's nothing compared to some people. I'm talking about people in LEDCs or whatever they are, or people who are in the middle of a warzone or something. People who actually SUFFER. It isn't fair, and whats worse is that we as a human race, we don't do anything. My mum once told me off for giving just 40p to charity, as if that were a waste of money. We don't share enough. Sure enough, England's in an 'economical crisis'. THERE ARE WORSE SITUATIONS WE COULD BE IN. People complain because they can't get a job. SOME CHILDREN CAN'T GET AN EDUCATION. People complain about being bored. WHAT'S THAT COMPARED TO SOME PEOPLE'S LIVES?
I hate that people suffer like that. It breaks my heart every time I see something like that. Those adverts on TV, telling you to donate to save the starving African children... that breaks my heart. It all does.
It breaks my heart to know I've never really done anything to help them - and I wish I had, and I wish I would, but I haven't. I'VE NEVER HELPED THEM.

the more things change the more they stay the same. must be cause im the issue

if you tell me one more time that you just want to sleep with me i'm gonna ********************* ************************ *********************** ********************************* with his Whiskers.
stupid knob
(:

I wish my other half would pay his half of the bills more promptly. I'm needing to budget now I'm out of work for a while. I feel like just refusing to pay until he coughs up his half and then letting the final notices roll in to scare him. But then I'd be scared, too.

I think I've got relationship problems but I can't talk through them. I cried myself to sleep last night. I need so much more. I need you to talk to me. It's like I'm hardly there. I keep getting suspicious and I don't like myself for that. I know you are ill (like I am, in a different way). I'm starting to feel as lonely as I was before I met you. I used to feel that you really wanted me around. Now I feel like at best, you don't care either way. Sorry, that's just the way I feel and I realise that it might all be in my head, but I can't help it.

you seem like you need a hug puddingmouse.


today was horrid. the priest came today and i told him i was an athiest again and we spent ages arguing because apparently it is not acceptable that im the enemy and it must be because i am hanging around the wrong people that i am like this and he basically spent the whole half hour he was talking to me trying to convince me air didnt exist so i should believe in god. they thought my loss of faith was due to too much reading. if you think too much then this is a danger to the church. then we started talking about how the bible is a book of peace and whatnot and people found it offensive that i pointed out the gratuitous violence in that book and the fact that i told my dad that hitting your kids is illegal and he got all angry and was like "well why dont you complain then?" "no it isnt illegal if i say it isnt." "it is ok if you get hit every once in a while- even now." "this is how we raised you, this is how we will continue to raise you". he wanted to know what damage he had done to me and i couldnt say anything because he doesnt know what damage he has wrought and i will never tell him or anyone. and the priest backed him up saying it was ok for parents to hit their children even if it broke the law(the law is black and white on this but isnt enforced that way obviously). it felt like my dad was making excuses, especially for the last time he went nuts 2010-2011. i wish i was bigger so i could hit him with a chair, scream at him and threaten to kick him out if he didnt appologise to me for me hitting him and see how he likes it. i want to see if he can tell anyone. i want to tell him "what happens in the family stays in the family". and i want it to be clear to him that if he tells anyone he will be shamming all of us.

I can't freaking concentrate!

grrrrrrrr. makes me so very, very angry.

I thought these pills were suppose to work. and why does everybody have to come to me and say the most random stuff. Why does my personality have to change I'm tired of this. I use to be able to do so much more. I'm tired of it.

Reply from Geoff.

I better put all my nitpicks all-in-one in my reply to him. If I do it subtly in little bits each message it'll take 6 months to get the entirety of my point across