Have wanted to do that in the past, when things
were too tuff i felt - not so much anymore, but
sometimes...i dont know, being alone all the time,
no one to talk with or to love, struggeling to not
feel bad and lonely so often, it takes its toll as
time passes. It gets harder and harder to keep
my head up, there`s no motivation and that
thought is hard to keep away, it keeps comming
back - its just me tinkering with my stuff alone
and the days just pass by - i spend so much time
trying not to feel, but all i want is to feel something.
Have spent the last 4 years trying to convince myself
that if i just bite my teeth and wait a little longer it
will pass, it will go away, i wont need anyone. But i
dont think it works, i just feel more and more lonely.
And having no friends where i live or social life, its
all me all the time and nothing else to do then work
on something to try and keep the thoughts away,
i just get so tired and tired of myself- sometimes when
i`m working outside and are on my way back inside,
i find myself drifting away a little daydreaming of how
nice it would be if there was someone there, just a smile
and a "hello" and maybe a hug. Try with all my might not
to think about things like that, but it just pushes its way
through too often
And some things wont leave me alone..i almost had a family
ones, but the kid died before birth. So i did the only thing
i knew how to do, i said "f*** it" and moved on, never
cried or talked to anyone about how i felt. Thats around 10
years ago and it haunts me more and more, i get so sad,
theres so much i would like to get out but i dont know how
and theres no one around so....f*** it i guess