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ImTheGuyThatDidThat
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29 Sep 2008, 6:16 pm

Have wanted to do that in the past, when things
were too tuff i felt - not so much anymore, but
sometimes...i dont know, being alone all the time,
no one to talk with or to love, struggeling to not
feel bad and lonely so often, it takes its toll as
time passes. It gets harder and harder to keep
my head up, there`s no motivation and that
thought is hard to keep away, it keeps comming
back - its just me tinkering with my stuff alone
and the days just pass by - i spend so much time
trying not to feel, but all i want is to feel something.
Have spent the last 4 years trying to convince myself
that if i just bite my teeth and wait a little longer it
will pass, it will go away, i wont need anyone. But i
dont think it works, i just feel more and more lonely.
And having no friends where i live or social life, its
all me all the time and nothing else to do then work
on something to try and keep the thoughts away,
i just get so tired and tired of myself- sometimes when
i`m working outside and are on my way back inside,
i find myself drifting away a little daydreaming of how
nice it would be if there was someone there, just a smile
and a "hello" and maybe a hug. Try with all my might not
to think about things like that, but it just pushes its way
through too often

And some things wont leave me alone..i almost had a family
ones, but the kid died before birth. So i did the only thing
i knew how to do, i said "f*** it" and moved on, never
cried or talked to anyone about how i felt. Thats around 10
years ago and it haunts me more and more, i get so sad,
theres so much i would like to get out but i dont know how
and theres no one around so....f*** it i guess



release_the_bats
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29 Sep 2008, 7:54 pm

Today, I saw a therapist for the first time. She was really nice. She gave me a homework assignment - to envision my life as I really want it to be. She said it would be OK if I did multiple versions of it.

One version involves a well-planned suicide. I would live for another 4 or 5 years, really make the most of my time, and then die in a carefully selected manner. I would try to make it interesting and memorable but not too painful. Best of all, I'd know when I was going to die, and I wouldn't have to worry about growing older and everything that accompanies that.

The idea of only having to live another few years makes me happy and alleviates some of my depression. I've never felt very attached to the world around me - I view it with a sense of detached indifference punctuated by moments of pleasure and curiosity. But my list of things to do in life is getting shorter, the goals are getting harder to accomplish . . .

Living is a lot of work, so I don't see the point in sticking around any longer than I want to. If I plan it all years in advance and put a lot of fore-thought and reasoning into it, does it still count as suicide?



sodarktheshadows
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29 Sep 2008, 11:41 pm

i've thought about it many times...too many times. not-so-serious-enough-to-actually-die attempts...a few.

i was lucky enough to find a friend who actually helped me deal with things and changed my life for the better...got me pointed in the right direction. i was very lucky the last two times those thoughts crossed my mind - he was there for me, helped me through it, talked me down, and...here i am today. the second time that happened was only just the other night. because of certain circumstances, we are no longer friends. i fear what will happen if i ever need to be 'saved' again. i wish i could say that he would be there for me, but i don't think that's possible.

i'm just hoping i don't have to find out.


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Fidget
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29 Sep 2008, 11:55 pm

I used to frequently want to kill myself. There's no way I could've done it painlessly though, except for maybe slitting my wrists underwater, but that freaked me out too much, there's no way I could've done that. I did try to overdose on pills once. Didn't kill me I just woke up numb the next morning, it was one of the strangest experiences I've ever had though. Like, I felt like I was dead or wasn't supposed to be there or something, and everything throughout the whole day seemed very dream-like. A very odd feeling.

Anyhoo, luckily I only very rarely think about suicide anymore, I've learned to appreciate a lot of things, and look at things in a much more optimistic way. And, I'm much happier. The best thing I can say to someone contemplating suicide is as much as you don't want to listen to people that say, "things will get better" it's true, things do get better. It might take a few years or so, but if things seem like they can't get any worse, they can only get better. Besides, even if you're extremely unhappy, life is too interesting to just throw it away so soon!



pbcoll
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30 Sep 2008, 2:11 pm

I've been suicidal a few times in my life, what has always stopped me - indeed, the only reason why it's not a serious option - is what it would do to my family. I can't do that to them.
Most of the time, it's not that I'm suicidal - I don't want to die but I don't want to live, either. It's not 'I can't take it anymore' but 'If I could only find an honourable way to die.' Most of the time, I'm just going through the motions of life - I don't feel a huge urge to end it, but my heart isn't in it. My life seems to have no inherent value either way to me. If it weren't for my family I would probably have ended it years ago, if I saw some worthy way of ending it I would. In the meantime, I'll keep going through the motions.


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Kelsi
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01 Oct 2008, 8:04 am

Becks wrote:
Do you ever want to kill yourself? Because i do and i want to know if those who want to kill themselves have got over it. But how did you do that? :oops: :?: :?: :?: :?:


Okay Becks, what's going on? Since your first post here, you have only spoken to us once:


Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 5:14 pm

Im only 10 and confused the thing is im told by adombrookes that im the perfect height weight and stuff for my age i just want to killl myself!! !! !! !


Becks, please talk to us...



Fidget
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01 Oct 2008, 11:33 am

Kelsi wrote:
Becks wrote:
Do you ever want to kill yourself? Because i do and i want to know if those who want to kill themselves have got over it. But how did you do that? :oops: :?: :?: :?: :?:


Okay Becks, what's going on? Since your first post here, you have only spoken to us once:


Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 5:14 pm

Im only 10 and confused the thing is im told by adombrookes that im the perfect height weight and stuff for my age i just want to killl myself!! !! !! !


Becks, please talk to us...


Oh my, I didn't realize she was so young. Ten?? Becks, it's very sad to me that you're thinking about these things at such a young age. You have so much life ahead of you, please don't throw it away.



Erminea
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01 Oct 2008, 12:07 pm

Fidget wrote:
Oh my, I didn't realize she was so young. Ten?? Becks, it's very sad to me that you're thinking about these things at such a young age. You have so much life ahead of you, please don't throw it away.


Me too, it got me all confused when I saw she's only ten. I don't know what to think about it anymore. I hope she's alright.


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Last edited by Erminea on 01 Oct 2008, 1:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Triangular_Trees
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01 Oct 2008, 12:39 pm

I'm not killing myself - the government is killing me. Having $300/month being lent to me so i can have a roof over my head apparently means that I can afford to spend $400/month in medicine that I'll die without.

Might as well jump off a bridge. Then there would be no lectures on responsbility and no one telling me having no penny to my name means i can afford to pay thousands of dollars in bills, and it would certainly be much less painful than being killed the way it looks like i can expect to in the next few months


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Danielismyname
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01 Oct 2008, 12:42 pm

Most seconds. Attempted a few times; shot and slashed.

O, and I've never been over it; I remember I wanted to kill myself when I was five.



886
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03 Oct 2008, 5:59 pm

Probably one of the things I want most in the world is to be free of life. But meh, it doesn't seem like that's possible, so I'll just deal with what I've got. Can't go too wrong.


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kittylover
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03 Oct 2008, 11:42 pm

I hope I die most days, but I don't have the courage to kill myself. My gender dysphoria is quite severe now that seeing myself in a mirror sometimes makes me socially avoidant and want to cry. Outside of my gender issues, I see no purpose to living the rest of my life. All I have to look forward to is getting old - I have no wants and desires at this point (aside from my gender issues).

I wish someone would kill me.



Alaspi
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04 Oct 2008, 12:11 am

I think this thread needs a hug.


*gives big loving hug to those who will take one*


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tahloola
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05 Oct 2008, 1:52 pm

Becks asked:

Quote:
Do you ever want to kill yourself? Because i do and i want to know if those who want to kill themselves have got over it. But how did you do that?


of course...I've thought about it.....who hasn't?

but.....since you initiated the query.....I have a query for you....

have you ever seen death?

I have.

many, many, many, many times.

and - the one thing that always strikes me is:

a) the individual and/or animal that died - was here - and then gone - in an instant....to where???I do not know....

but.....

b) they could have: should have....would have.....

c) it's not pretty

It really fu**ks up the people left behind.



Blake_be_cool
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07 Oct 2008, 10:56 am

hi all i'm Blake

So why do you want to kill your self, because for you wanting to kill your self would be meaning nothink. How? there are many ways of puting the way of your death non needed see a small example there is at least 6 billion people on this planet why is yours so importent what is it that makes you say "I can't kill my self" well there is non because you won't kill your self from fear, fear of what will happen so forrget about this emotion and your free because under that fear is all the others you can't give a hope, joy, love and all the rest but hears a question whats so good about these emotions for if your scared or happy so really in live your free to do what ever you want just with consiquenses but why do you need them pain and horror there nothink only what you want your brain to think so then if you beleave that then you don't care about god, the world, the universe and nothink for that why should you care but then again you only have one life if you think other wise and if you die now you are not just changing your life but the whole world's and the time line. So it all come down to you what you want for strongly how your brain works.

I hope i helped if you still need be i'm [email protected] and if alot of be spelling is wrong that is because i'm only in 6 grade and i'm 12 so yer, well ok then



Haliphron
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15 Oct 2008, 10:56 am

^Well I certainly thought a lot about killing myself at the ages of 11 and 12 :( . Listen carefully: Sucide is very much an impulsive act and seldom a premeditated act. When you feel like you want to kill yourself its because you're having suicidal impulses and having such impulses IS a sign that something is VERY Wrong. There ARE medications out there that can really help with extinguishing suicidal feelings and Becks-you TOTALLY need to see a shrink about this! No Kidding. Prozac really helped me when I was your age but there are plenty of other antidepressants that can help. Remeber folks-this isnt all in your mind, its all in your BRAIN(which generates the mind).