i am doing better but still not really any real improvement

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i just started doing that


last night i had a moment of clarity

i cant live this way
im going forcuss on the things that are fun

i have been sinking into sort of delerium over along period
and it just wont work, i have been caught in negative feedback loop and im been tying to exit it
sort of like with computer programming in wich the computer will repeat the same instructions over and over again until cirtain precodicontiosn are met or else the pc has be rebooted
i believe a may have found a way out

i popped out and i stared feeling some of my power images

i was able to sleep throught the night again after four nights of broken sleep
and was able to feel how out of shape i was for the first time in forefever
i started sweating again

i went into a flurry of activity cleaning researching orgarnizing

i feel much more posistive

Last edited by nightbender on 27 Aug 2009, 12:20 pm, edited 3 times in total.

thanks
she also said that the fact i lost twenty pounds due to stress in a short time was a good thing, refused to recognize the established brain gut connection( i have been bleeding out of a unmentiable place) and that large open cracks on my feet had nothing to due with anything else

i said the way i live was embarresing and she said that i should be.

she also really doenst know
she i dont think you would like mediation wich i used to due very well and very fanatically

quite frankly this person is dangerous she is asking probing questions about stuff i dont care to share
and keeps mentioning medication, even going so far as to say that antianixetydrugs werent psychotropic what a bald face lie! taht i need


i asked her why do i talk to her at all? i dont think she gave me a good answer

just like last night i started perceiving stuff again

If your bleeding and if your feet are cracked you should see a doctor. I had to have surgery for something where i was bleeding out of my but. It was caused from the medication i used to take. so if your having medical problems you should see a doctor just to make sure it is not life threatening.

And your therapist should not be giving you medical advice she should be listening to you and letting you make your own choices!

that right there shows how bad she is at her job. she should have her license taken away from her and be sued for damages!

thats great you like meditating! they have done medical studies and found it actually has great health benefits! They also found it makes you live longer. and many other things.



Stick to what you believe and don't give up. If you want to get a new therapist without this one causing problems you can try this.. Get a new one without telling her. then cancel your next appointment with her. When you call to cancel just tell her you found a new therapist. If she tries to bully you into staying tell your new therapist to call her and get her off your back.

I agree 100% with you that medication is bad. i would not take it unless they tied my down and injected me with it. I think its great your trying so hard to do what you think is best for you!

Keep going your doing GREAT!! !!

i have had that checked out they gave me some cream

everytime i try to talk to my dad about anything he stars launches

yesterday i in the park with him i wasnt even sure i should have gone
but i tried talking to him constructivley about thing in the recent past and ways they could have been better handle and he still launche
into his crap being very manipulative adn starts calling me names like lunatic is his favorite makes up stuff about stuff blaming me for his reactions rationalizing his abusive(actually bringing up stuff i wasnt even trying to talk about), like saying thats the ways my grandparents did it making up stuff that was even real and stuff that was just nonsnes( i had an attitude in elemetery school, wtf)
i told about stuff he said previously and denied it, his new thing is call me stuff me stuff and in the next sentence flip and deny it

a nd when he gets caught he will say leave me alone and will just refuse to communicate


he blames aspergers for everything
i have to honest
he made me so angry he threw me into a bit of meltdown before i realized it my hand was on his head, wich i pulled back as soon as i realized
and i held his arms to make my point


i am worried there gonna be a reall problem cuz i dont really have self control right now its looking like i have serious brain injury

its the nasty truth

someone with a serious disablity, illness, injury, has to put up with immoral behaviour becuase the caretakers can always blame your conditon for whatever tehy do or whatever happens especially if the disabled perosn communicates poorly

im trying to end my obssesion with my parents but its hard

anyone there

Yes I'm here. I just cant post as often because sitting at the computer is bad for my back problems. But i still care.

I had the same problem with my dad. I would try to talk about the abuse he did to me when i was a kid. He would call me crazy and tell me i need medication cause I'm nuts. This was not true of course. But he didn't want to admit he was wrong and it ended with me calling the police and him kicking me out for refusing to get on medication.

You need to stick up for yourself but it sounds like your dad is not going to admit he was wrong. So all your going to do it hurt yourself more by trying to make him see he is wrong.

I am truly sorry your in this situation but i want to help you so you don't make the mistakes i made.

I think you should not talk to your dad about the abuse he caused you. He is abusive and you need to talk about it , but try to talk to someone who will listen. I told my neighbors and friends and that helped me , you could try that. And talk about it here on wp. I know what you say is true, Ive been there and i want to help by listening to your story.

but your dad will just turn everything you say against you and in the end he will make everyone think your the bad guy. Which is NOT true but people like that are mean and manipulative.


I wish you all the best night bender. I wont be here as much because i am having massive back problems and cant sit for longer then a few minutes.

But remember i do care and you are not alone! I will check in on you as often as i can cause your a good person who deserves better!! !

Keep going were proud of you!! !! !! !!

Its not an obsession , your upset about a real problem . If talking about it helps then you should talk about it. we are here for you!

Hi Nightbender, sorry I was away for a month---I never had any intention of coming back to WP, but I returned. I guess I need WP in my life. Anyway, I have been concerned about you and wonder how you are doing. This thread is one that I always look for when I log in because I care about your well-being. Let me know how things are going with you.

Hey night bender. thanks for posting on my thread in the haven. I hope your dong ok too? let us know.

i spent some time with my parents the other day

went out to the country got some apples and wine from a local winery

they thought it was funny i could not talk for 5 minutes

everything was fine until that night my dad went pscyho cuz i was looking for a bottle of flaxseed in the refrigorator

some how him not knowing what i was doing was some how my problem
even when i told him still blew up

he has this possevive animal thing about food

and he went absouletly berserk psychotic that morning cuz i leened on wall


both times his trigger was the word please calm down and dont get angry

i reported him to ddd

i had stop him from calling the cops and making some bogus claims

'

your welcome


btw

just me


something cheap to help you would be star of bethlehem bach flower essences
and others with the memories

i am getting a little better
with stufff

i can do more and i notice some slight improvements


but its not enough

im really cut off from the cool stuff that i had going(at this moment may change)

the other day i asked my uncle to help pray and look into removing a bloodline curse im stuck under

he is really into church

he just came at me from a funny angle, right of left field sayiing do you know what denial is im like im not sure what your getting at

he accused me of not admitting my illness or whatever and gave that mental ilness cult people shpiel
and said that if i was his kid i would be locked up in an instition forever

this coming from the severly depressed recovering alchoholic on multple meds that dont work that been electroshocked 6 times

who i also found had beaten my grandma when he a teen