i am doing better but still not really any real improvement

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Joined: 10 Mar 2008
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13 Oct 2009, 10:28 am

btw

psycho drugs dont work on anyone

its a dirty liitle secret they will kill protect

drugs wich damage the body to alter the psyche can never ever be medicine ever

nightbender
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13 Oct 2009, 10:38 am

my biggest thing now is being cut out and off from all these big stuff going on in the world

everything is coming to a head and im not part of it

just-me
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13 Oct 2009, 9:30 pm

nightbender wrote:

btw

psycho drugs dont work on anyone

its a dirty liitle secret they will kill protect

drugs wich damage the body to alter the psyche can never ever be medicine ever

Its not as secret as you might think. People who want to know, do know. and the rest are in denial.

I know they work for a short time, for some. but they are very bad for you and in the long run cause more problems. I don't try to convince the skeptics. But i do encourage the anti drug people to stay away and they often agree.

just-me
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13 Oct 2009, 9:31 pm

nightbender wrote:

my biggest thing now is being cut out and off from all these big stuff going on in the world

everything is coming to a head and im not part of it

I think its best not to get involved in all these "changes" . because if a riot breaks out you don't want to be there ,or you might get hurt by an angry mob.

just-me
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13 Oct 2009, 9:33 pm

nightbender wrote:

the other day i asked my uncle to help pray and look into removing a bloodline curse im stuck under

he is really into church

he just came at me from a funny angle, right of left field sayiing do you know what denial is im like im not sure what your getting at

he accused me of not admitting my illness or whatever and gave that mental ilness cult people shpiel
and said that if i was his kid i would be locked up in an instition forever

this coming from the severly depressed recovering alchoholic on multple meds that dont work that been electroshocked 6 times

who i also found had beaten my grandma when he a teen

If you want a curse removed ask a member of a pagan forum. I know a good one .

just-me
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13 Oct 2009, 9:39 pm

nightbender wrote:

i spent some time with my parents the other day

went out to the country got some apples and wine from a local winery

they thought it was funny i could not talk for 5 minutes

everything was fine until that night my dad went pscyho cuz i was looking for a bottle of flaxseed in the refrigorator

some how him not knowing what i was doing was some how my problem
even when i told him still blew up

he has this possevive animal thing about food

and he went absouletly berserk psychotic that morning cuz i leened on wall

both times his trigger was the word please calm down and dont get angry

i reported him to ddd

i had stop him from calling the cops and making some bogus claims

I'm sorry your going through all that. Perhaps your missing social cues or not communicating well with him. It does not excuse his abusive behavior. but perhaps if you get him to talk about the things that bother him before he blows up you can avoid his anger.

Just a thought im doing that with my dad and its working.

Hope your ok.

nightbender
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14 Oct 2009, 10:51 am

i wanted to be involved in activism and other cool stuff

the trigger for him is my existence especially being disabled he is a predatory creature looking to establish dominance and will always try to assert dominiance when he senses weakness

he is less of a human being and more of animal guarding his territory i would say like a dog that gives him to much credit a dog has a better level of developement than him but hes closer to a crocodile

and yes he does bare his teeth like he is an an animal

he is incapapble of learning wetther through experience or written knowledge or being told anything
noor is he cappable of controlling himslef or doing anythhing different if its not part of his pattern he cant do it
the best is him being able to be conditioned

talking to him is worthless he says words without really meaning them, their is no real intellegence behind him

he actually demanded i apoplogize to him for him abusing me

what i would look for is something stronger

thanks for the offer

bascially i would look for something to open a time portal

its worse the psych system and their drugs are designed to hurt and enslave people
on purpose if they ever help anyone its a fluke

im not worried about riots, well yes i am i live in an urban area beeing disabled

me at full strength i would handle things well

im a natural warrior and very strong and fast '

but now i just want to egress the country before its too late

just-me
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15 Oct 2009, 4:13 am

nightbender wrote:

It sounds like your right about your dad. I"m sorry it is that way. Perhaps you can cut ties with him if you don't need his help.

I hope things get better for you.

Just-me.

nightbender
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15 Oct 2009, 9:22 am

kinda of already do ceratainly dont talk to him on the phone if he takes me anyway we dont say anything if im with my mom he doenst talk to me except when his triggers get tripped off

it depends on how much really needed him

he did like buying stuff for me but i thats not gonna make anything better or make up for stuff or justify anything that was ok

he somewhow thought buying me stuff justifyied he doing that

im concerended im losing mysefl

losing knowledge powertruth concsciencness principals my aspieness while getting marginally functional

thanks justme i know your in the same boat as me i starting to remember that others are in it too

my mom is going out to help me

but it seems she went back against everything she learned because i was things turned out
she actually asked me you can choose to not suffer if you dont wont to,ass if there is some thing wrong with you for suffering and aske me if you control you
if you dont who does

she thinks in terms of emotions instead of right and wrong and health and and eduction and spirutiality and intellence

mom has a prob where she her mood over rides her beliefs and her memories

both parents have a prob where the cant do anything withouth someone telling them something

nightbender
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15 Oct 2009, 10:07 am

just-me wrote:

nightbender wrote:

It sounds like your right about your dad. I"m sorry it is that way. Perhaps you can cut ties with him if you don't need his help.

I hope things get better for you.

Just-me.

you know it must be really bad for you

just-me

i mean i have my apartment subsidized for and i have my mom helping me and parents paying for everything and i am alot stronger and will heal faster

you dont really have much of anything it must be so hard so awfull

i would even say you could up here and try to get in on where i am

if have trouble with stuff they could be some assisted living places you could get into

just-me
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15 Oct 2009, 10:32 pm

nightbender wrote:

I'm doing better somehow. I think this is thanks to my boyfriend. And my god mother. My mom does care and my dad cares they are just really messed up.

It is hard yes . But it is so much better then it was growing up. I am not beat and they help get me places when i really need a ride to the doctor.

My mom is ill and now she "might" have cancer on top of everything but somehow i am not totally broken. I feel stronger and more able to handle things.

I have some income from dissablity. When i have some time i am going to get on a waiting list for hud housing. It takes about 4 years but I'm not ready to live alone and 4 years gives me time to prepare.

but it must be really hard for you not having anyone to turn to . i think that is the hardest thing. I have my boyfriend to turn to. but you only have this forum. I try and help where i can cause i remember what it was like to have no one to talk to and i would not with that on anyone.

I'll be here as often as i can to listen and help where i can.

nightbender
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16 Oct 2009, 9:38 pm

i would

my best friend is in tailand

the art teacher likes me and might be helpful

i could have made some friends but it was dashed

i tend to make enemies where they should be friends

nightbender
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17 Oct 2009, 7:02 pm

i have a case manager but im supposed to be independant living so im supposd to do everything

just-me
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17 Oct 2009, 11:31 pm

nightbender wrote:

i have a case manager but im supposed to be independant living so im supposd to do everything

Independent living doesn't mean you can do everything. They are just saying that so they can be lazy.

If you could do everything you would not be disabled. Tell them that next time they say that to you. I'm sorry your treated badly.

nightbender
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18 Oct 2009, 11:04 am

they didnt actually say that to me

that is just the rift i get

like uhm i mentioned starting a support group for psych survivors and im supposed be the one organizing it

or i mentioned i might be able to get a job at movie theatre that going to be hiring soon

he just said well just fill out an aplication online(its part of his job help me get a job)

nightbender
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18 Oct 2009, 10:36 pm

i spent hours on the phone crying to my mom

the first thing was she said was should i call your aunt and uncle and cancel your party

i asked her repeatly to show love and concern and compassion and she wouldnt do it
and eventually got angry and hung up and took the phone off the hook

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