I feel it would be better if I had more severe autisim.
I think we all get burnt out from having to work hard at what seemingly comes naturally to NTs. Rejection does take its toll, as does the effort to figure out why the rejection occurred. Even harder is the choice Aspies have to make about "fitting" themselves into the NT world.
But consider the failure rates among NTs. Not just the divorce rate or the rate of extramarital affairs, but also the number of dates/relationships NTs have to go through before finding someone to settle down with. Our lot may be tough, but the NT world is apparently not easy either.
Since I'm in the group of socially clueless and "schizoid-like" Aspies, I can't offer any particular suggestions for how to do better in the dating/mating game. In my handful of quasi-relationships, I've been rejected, cheated upon, and even stalked.
But as others said, you have a choice for how to deal with your feelings and your situation. Blaming God or society at large is anger, which is a natural reaction I suppose, but only helpful if it motivates you to move forward toward your goal of having a relationship.
Woodfish
Deinonychus
Joined: 22 Aug 2009
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 382
Location: alternating between Lothlórien and Rivendell
Very ineresting and important question in my experience. Kind of alienation perhaps. Feeling separate in a very painful way.
Suggestions have been made of learning to see and separate people you might get along with and those (majority) you will most likely never like or get along too well with anyway.
In my own case spending time with people with similar interest (like Jungian psychology in my case, for instance) I felt ever more seen and real, validated. And gradually also met a significant other. It just grew naturally. But the shared interest must be *real* in my experience. And then just discussing that a very little is still very worthwhile.
______________________
Avatar copyright Woodfish
Last edited by Woodfish on 27 Aug 2009, 9:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
KenM, why do you feel that you will never be happy unless you have a relationship with someone else? There are plenty of singles out there that are pretty satisfied with their lives, and there are married individuals who think that their lives are miserable. I myself am a loner by choice, and am pretty happy about that. Also, if you "can't" find happiness in others, perhaps you should get more hobbies to keep you satisfied. Correct me if I'm wrong, but by your avatar, I'd have to say that you enjoy comic books. Why not read more to keep you busy? Plus, there is a whole world of hobbies out there. There's video games, anime, many different genres of movies, novels, and many others (just listing some examples).
And another thing, stop thinking about the negative things in your life, and start looking at the positive things in life. You may start to realize that you don't need others to be happy. The only person in your life that can truly make you happy and satisfied with your life is you.
And another thing, when I see your user name, I immediately think of...
Ken Masters from Street Fighter (sorry, I just couldn't resist).
Ask yourself, WHY do you need a "special" one? What convinced you that you need a "special" one in order to be happy. How is having a "special" one going to enlighten you in any way, shape, or form? You need to look DEEP inside yourself, and look at the bigger picture. I've said before that there are singles that are better off as singles. Why can't you be a happy single? Not having a "special" one is only bothering you and making a huge emotional gab if YOU make YOURSELF think that YOU need one. YOU can also reshape YOUR mind and convince YOURSELF that YOU DON'T NEED A "SPECIAL" ONE! When you feel down, just remember the things in your life that make you happy, and do THOSE things to keep your mind off of the negatives. If you focus on the negative things in your life, you will ignore the positive things, and let negatives swallow you up and digest you in misery. And I know that you have plenty of hobbies, but what's preventing you from having MORE hobbies? If getting more hobbies is a problem, what's stopping you from enjoying the hobbies that you currently have? Also, spend more time with your friends so your never bored. There's MUCH more to life than having sex or having a significant other, but until you realize this, you will just keep on making yourself more miserable.
Also, are you religious? I ask because you're convinced that "God" wants you to be miserable. Okay, there are two solutions to this problem.
1.) The Christian solution. God doesn't want you to be miserable. He/She/It just made your life a bit difficult because He/She/It knows that you can overcome your hardships if you try hard enough. When you say that you "tried and tried" to make yourself happy, but failed every time, that doesn't mean you should give up. It means that you should try even HARDER, and to never give up. If your convinced that you need a special one (and ignore my solution to the problem), you just need to convince yourself that you will end up with someone no matter what. And if you do die before you meet your special one (I'm not saying that you will), at least in the last moments of your life, you will look back on it, and die proud that you at least tried.
2.) The Atheist solution. If you believe in God, why do you? If you are convinced that God is making your life miserable, why would you continue to believe in Him/Her/It? If you feel that His/Hers/Its laws and teachings are unfair or just plain phony, why do you continue to look inside the bible for guidance? Perhaps religion just isn't your thing at all. I'm not saying that everyone should stay away from religion (in fact, I know people who NEED it), I'm just saying that it isn't for everyone. That's why I'm not religious. It just doesn't feel right to me. Perhaps it's from religion where you learned that you need a special someone in order to be happy. Sometimes, when you abandon a religion, it causes more benefits to your life than it causes faults.
Sorry if my posts are a bit long, but I don't want to see anymore posts from you about problems that can be fixed EASILY. I've read from one of your past topics that you didn't ask for our advice, but everyone here just wants to help you. Let us help you. Most of us are WELL aware of what your problems are and what you have to go through, and we don't want you to feel that way again. And if you feel that there is only one way to solve your problems, you need to think that maybe there are MORE ways to solve them that you haven't thought of. PLEASE take all of our advice seriously, and into consideration.
I don't think you get to tell people what they can and can't post. It's also a little egotistical to be so sure about someone else's problems being easy or not, especially when you don't share them.
_________________
Aspie Quiz: 160/43
Alien Quiz: √2/pi
I don't think you get to tell people what they can and can't post. It's also a little egotistical to be so sure about someone else's problems being easy or not, especially when you don't share them.
Oops... sorry about that. I guess I just got a little carried away with that. I didn't mean to say he shouldn't post what he wants to post. It's just that I see users on here trying to help him on a few of his topics, and I assumed, from his responses in other topics, that he wouldn't take any of our help seriously. If you do take us seriously KenM, and are just having difficulties with your life at the moment, I'm very sorry. It's just that my dad taught me that ANY problem can be solved with positive thinking, and that negative thinking only makes things worse. At least, that's how I solve all my problems. I have posted some of my problems on WP, so don't say that I don't share them. I just learned how to solve them.
Ken, you would would be a lesser person if you did not have these desires, that fact that you seek human warmth and tenderness is a testament to the fact that you are truly human. It's a s**t is it not, that at times we are painfully reminded that God is not very good in bed (if you get my take here)
I feel In the spiritual life it is wise to make a distinction between two kinds of loneliness. In the first loneliness, we are out of touch with God and experience ourselves as anxiously looking for something or someone that can give us a sense of belonging, intimacy and home.
The second loneliness comes from an intimacy with the divine that is deeper and greater than our feelings and thoughts.
We all have to find our own answers and as you say you have a faith, then drawing from deep within your faith tradition I am sure you will find comfort, strength and hope.
I know in the Christian tradition some contemplatives felt very strongly that Job, was by far the most holiest character in the bible, simply because he took all his anger to God, yet never gave up on him. It is great folly to try to deny your feelings of anger, loneliness and alienation. Take them all to YOUR God. Politeness in prayer gets us nowhere.
Wishing you well Ken
Chris
_________________
www.chrisgoodchild.com
"We are here on earth for a little space to learn to bear the beams of love." (William Blake)
Thank God for science, but feed me poetry please, as I am one that desires the meal & not the menu. (My own)
Criss let me tell you how I feel about God. I was raised catholic. When I was 8, my Dad was very sick, had heart issues. I was taught that if if you pray for someone, God will listen and make him better. I prayed to God to make my dad better. After I prayed to God, God let my Dad die. God did the total oppisite of what I prayed to him for. God took my Dad from me.
I should also tell you how I feel about the book of Job. This is how I see the story: Job was a very faithful and successful man. he had a full family, many firends, and a good business. Satan came to God and said " The only reason this guy Job is so faithful is because he has all this happiness. If it was gone, he would loss his faith." God said "well then you can do what you want to him, but you can't kill him." So Satan through a series of accedent took EVERYTHING from Job, killed his family and friends, took his business and home from him. But Job still kept his faith, but he was angry. God gave job more friends, family and good business after again. But God could not bring back the friends and family that Satan killed, could he? I feel God let Satan screw one of his most faithful persons just to prove a point to satan that he would not lose faith. Only an evil God would let one of his faithful go through that.
God is evil. God gave me AS and dietbetes. God gave me these things so I will never be happy no matter how hard I try. With all my experence the only faith I have is that God will keep screwing with me.
Even theologians with advanced degrees have trouble with the Book of Job. Consider this quote by Joseph Campbell a comparative mythologist-
Every religion is true one way or another. It is true when understood metaphorically. But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors, interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
There was another quote I was trying to find from the book-The Power of Myth where he basically says if you read the Bible literally, you miss the larger spiritual truth of the myth. Remember that people long ago often used stories to convey concepts.
Judging from these boards, being severely autistic just like having AS, only more extreme. People with it suffer worse. If there are people out there so autistic they don't know other people exist then maybe that's what you are after, otherwise I suspect severely autistic people are as lonely or lonelier than yourself.
I read your last post Ken, thank you.
I can hear that you are in a very desolate place indeed.
Aimless is wise in saying what he said about metaphors and over literal interpretations of scripture.
It does seem that there is a great difference between spirituality and religion. It seems for example that a person who prays to their God for X Y or Z to happen, and then gets upset that God did not give them what they asked, is living according to the A to Z road map of mechanical religion. How so understandable it is though. So many of us ache to be free of our hurt and loneliness.
My life and my faith has been tested in many ways too. From being abandoned in an orphanage by my heroin addicted Mother at the age of 6 weeks old, to then being adopted by parents who both were alcoholic, my adopted mother who has severe mental health problems and told me I was mentally deranged and insane because of my 'difference' every day of my life. I was eventually hospitalized for 18 months in a psychiatric hospital, miss-diagnosed, misunderstood.
I could go on and on, because as you can see, such a start in life will inevitably take a soul either into drink, drugs, and disbarring relationships, and often suicide.
However, I asked the same questions as you, WHY ME GOD?
My answers will not be your answers, so it would be pointless offering you or anyone else how I came to view God as a grounded and loving presence in my life. However, I would say that the grieving process for me has proven (and continues to be) to be the most contemplative and life affirming of processes.
Wishing you well Ken
Chris
_________________
www.chrisgoodchild.com
"We are here on earth for a little space to learn to bear the beams of love." (William Blake)
Thank God for science, but feed me poetry please, as I am one that desires the meal & not the menu. (My own)
Ken, both your current Haven threads really got to me. ( The other one about not trusting medical personnel.....I don't trust medical people either. )
We have no choice but to play with the cards we've been dealt. There appears to be considerable skill involved in how we play them. And there's a lot of bluffing going on..
I second that.
Ken, you'll be better once you quit believing in the imaginary being called God.
Read about about science , evolution , evolutionary psychology ( i recommend http://www.epjournal.net/) ...the more you read the more you understand your problems and the people around you.
Keep your atheism to yourself. You are not helping this person at all.
I should also tell you how I feel about the book of Job. This is how I see the story: Job was a very faithful and successful man. he had a full family, many firends, and a good business. Satan came to God and said " The only reason this guy Job is so faithful is because he has all this happiness. If it was gone, he would loss his faith." God said "well then you can do what you want to him, but you can't kill him." So Satan through a series of accedent took EVERYTHING from Job, killed his family and friends, took his business and home from him. But Job still kept his faith, but he was angry. God gave job more friends, family and good business after again. But God could not bring back the friends and family that Satan killed, could he? I feel God let Satan screw one of his most faithful persons just to prove a point to satan that he would not lose faith. Only an evil God would let one of his faithful go through that.
God is evil. God gave me AS and dietbetes. God gave me these things so I will never be happy no matter how hard I try. With all my experience the only faith I have is that God will keep screwing with me.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Question about Asperger Syndrome and tem "Severe Asperger" |
29 Jan 2024, 11:37 pm |
Should I feel bad for having few friends |
15 Apr 2024, 5:12 am |
Do not feel like talking |
03 Apr 2024, 1:04 am |
I feel embarrassed
in Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions |
11 Apr 2024, 2:36 am |