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b9
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02 Nov 2013, 9:31 am

it is not vital to me that you understand how we are different, and so i elect to go to bed without any further thought.



b9
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02 Nov 2013, 10:33 pm

kirayng wrote:
b9 wrote:
kirayng wrote:
Absolutely, b9. It was like the lights suddenly went on for me when I dropped the 'act'. Then AS was no longer a negative aspect, it was simply a word for something already familiar.

I think that vain striving for "normal" and "happiness" is pointless. With present awareness and, as you say, being seated in the self, gives plenty of frame of reference with which to interface with the outside world, meanwhile it's all input, marvelous (and often overloading) input. I feel like FiveAlive in Short Circuit..... INPUT.... INPUT... IIIINNNPPPPUUUUUTTT!! !

So, I would like to finish by saying, having ASD can suck, does suck at times, but it's not all bad and once embraced and worked with can be quite a neat way to live. Stop comparing oneself to society and one becomes one without limitations. Yes, sensory issues are limiting, but they are also at times very rewarding. It's both, and if it seems positive or negative only, that is merely perspective, which YOU choose.

edited: thought fragments wheee!


indeed?
sorry but i am not interested.


I don't understand what you are not interested in?

it has been pointed out to me that my last few replies were very rude.
i was not trying to devalue your input. i was just so sleepy, i was not interested at that point.
i wrote my original post at about 10 pm and my 2 last posts were posted at about 1:30am.

what i should have said was "i am too tired to continue the discussion for now". i am sorry if what i said was offensive. i will try to reply properly to your post later on this evening.



equestriatola
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03 Nov 2013, 2:44 am

For me, it does. Everybody looks down upon me, and my parents hate me and I see them as obstructionists! I think I've said enough on the matter.


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kirayng
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08 Nov 2013, 4:38 pm

Couldn't delete my post.



redrobin62
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08 Nov 2013, 6:34 pm

I wonder: who, or what, should I blame for me having zero friends?

Should I blame my AS? Well, I do have communication deficits. I've been working on them, but darn it, no matter how hard I try to say the most right and appropriate things, some oddball utterance slips out.

Should I blame me? Well, I can't separate myself from my AS. It defines me like my race and ethnic background.

In the ends, I'd say my AS as well as my AvPD keeps the world at bay. Once I settle into Medicaid, maybe I'll look into seeing a psychologist for help.



geraldtonjjeeper
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15 Nov 2013, 7:09 pm

Oh, DarkBBastion, I hear ya, I hear ya!! ! You are where I was years ago. It's awful eh? Nothing seems to work! You hate yourself because nothing you do brings positive results or lasting change! Everything blows up in your face and eventually the easiest thing is to stop trying to change! I hear ya! In the end I too stared to feel very sorry for myself and angry with the unfairness of being an Aspergers! Nothing works, women avoid you as soon as you start to talk, friends slowly slip away as you start to talk more and more about the s**t time you are having! Loneliness, inactivity, substance abuse, alienation and suicidal thoughts creep in? Me too!

Every person on earth is unique! Even You! There is no-one with your set of skills, attitudes, interests, vocabulary....I could go on and on. You don't want to hear all this! I thought I knew better than the rest of the world, my foibles and failures and that they could never be overcome! No matter how much I was told I was valuable, important, different I could see no way out. All the disguises, masks and character personations didn't help, they only gave an incorrect impression of who I am and left me feeling completely lost and vulnerable. Lonely, isolated, unemployed and unattached.

I sat and contemplated my navel for years, in fact I still do that quite a bit, and took myself round and round an increasingly dizzy circle. Suicide seemed the only way out. No-one loved me, understood me,could hear what I meant, only what I said!!

It all seemed very dark.

There were things I did enjoy, though! They were internal joys that no-one else could relate to. Like a funny thought, a small bird with bright plumage, a slapstick moment I witnessed on the street, music that made me want to sing. No-one could share these moments with me, No-one. They were mine and special. The universe provided me with a counter to my suicidal intentions, I had always enjoyed these things but had forgotten and hidden them in my grief and feelings of injustice.

I was diagnosed AS at 50. Until then there was no answer to my feelings of alienation and difference....my wallflower behaviour and my self destructive behaviour. I had had to suffer all the pain that so many Aspies feel, completely on my own. It was so Unfair. My parents rejected me, my brothers just wanted me to go away and wives and kids had left.

Death seemed a simple answer!

Not really! It's hard to kill yourself. It takes courage that I didnt have. I could imagine it as much as I wanted but I couldn't do it. I was not concerned how others would feel, just plain scared!

I didn't want to live the life I was having to live, but I couldn't kill myself!

There had to be another way!

I started with a talk with myself. Emphasising all the good things in my life, and sloughing off all the s**t things.

I determined to do only one thing CONSTRUCTIVE every day. Something I knew I could achieve.

Making toast and spreading it with something delicious.

Doing the dishes, or the clothes washing, making the bed.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I found I was getting satisfaction in the things I was doing, and this slowly lifted my mood and made my life better!

I am now completely at peace with my Aspergers and its effect on my life....it only took 20 years...I enjoy my difference, I can see it brings me joys no-one else has.

Don't give up mate, death's permanent, s**t passes!



BuyerBeware
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15 Nov 2013, 8:15 pm

It is not hard to accept Asperger's, embrace it even, when I look at my own struggles. In the face of those, I like me. I'd do it again.

In the face of other peoples' pain?? In the face of my stepmom losing her daughter and her grandkids-- having, on her 81st birthday, a granddaughter named after her that she'll never get to meet, clinging to a stupid $40 blanket and saying she'll never let it go because her girl bought it for her-- all because her psychotic narcissistic sister decided I was evil and bad and I couldn't do anything about it?? Blaming herself for her sister's fucked-up s**t?? In the face of the self-esteem my husband's lost over the years being married to me?? No-- this disease SUCKS.

When I'm watching my kid struggle with misreading emotions, getting in trouble at school because he hastohastohastohasto say what's on his mind, looking at him and seeing my failure self all over again?? Envisioning him a neuroleptic zombie because it will shut him up and make him no trouble?? NO-- this f*****g disease f*****g SUCKS.

f**k this f*****g fucked-up f****r of a f*****g disease.


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11 Feb 2014, 4:07 pm

League_Girl wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
Quote:
Just stop correcting people, problem solved, do it in your head.


Sometimes, when you correct someone you challenge their beliefs. For a lot of people, their beliefs make them who they are. If you challenge people's beliefs or question them for clarification some of them can't take it. It is like you've attacked the very core of their soul. They wrap their emotions and their way of life in their beliefs. If you have ever been on the receiving end of someone's meltdown after you ask a question, this may be one reason why. You may be inadvertently doing this at BabyCenter.



I don't go there often and I am tired of peoples drama there and their over sensitivity. It's a common problem there lot of people face.


Tom Creep-er is a classic example , his poor exes :cry:


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OliveOilMom
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11 Feb 2014, 9:07 pm

Why would anybody say it sucks? It's a damn gift, right? It doesn't need to be cured, fixed, treated, or anything! It's WONDERFUL!

Sorry, forget the sarcasm.


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MrOddBall
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12 Feb 2014, 12:59 am

raisedbyignorance wrote:
Before the other aspies on here bombard your thread with things such as "I love having Aspergers" or "You shouldnt say that about Aspergers" or "Aspergers is what makes me unique", I just want to say as an aspie I definitly relate.

There are some people whose lives have been so difficult that it's hard for them to find the positive in having this condition. And I'm one of those people so I can definitly understand what you're going through cuz I'm going through it myself.

Hang in there.


I agree with this ^^ Also I agree about Asperger's making someone unique but it really depends on whom your asking when you ask if Asperger's is a curse or gift.



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13 Feb 2014, 4:55 pm

Of course Asperger's sucks, what's so f*****g brilliant about it? It's OK for some to say that who are socially oblivious to the world, can focus all your attention on detail, and have a high IQ. Sadly not all of us are like that. I'm too socially aware, and I haven't got a choice because I've got to take part in society, I'm too intelligent to live on disability all my life and hermit myself away from the social world and live up my special interests as and when I want, but I'm not intelligent enough to focus on a career-rewarding interest and make a living out of it. I am just a useless, shy, miserable loser with a disability who just has to sit back and smile like I don't care and just get on with it and just cry alone.

I f*****g hate my life. What cursed me with this f*****g s**t? Why am I cursed with it? I know I probably bullied people with Asperger's in my past life, and I know that this is what my punishment for it is, and I just hope in my next life I will be a person who HASN'T got a mental disability i.e. Asperger's. I know you can tell me that having a past/next life isn't true, but I love to believe that it is. I've got to have something in this world to hope for.
I'm sorry, Lord, for bullying Aspies in my past life. I'm so sorry, I can't remember doing any of it because I am a different person in this life but I'm sorry for making you angry. You could have just gave me learning difficulties but still some reasonable social skills, instead of making me into this wreck. But now that you have given me this awful brain, I guess I will have to suffer on.

I just can't go on. I am a sore loser. I am a jealous freak. I am a lonely bore. I am a miserable b***h. All because I have Asperger's. I argue with people and it's all my fault because it's probably me who can't get on with people for some reason. I don't WANT to live like that. I try not to argue, but it just happens. I try to keep my feelings to myself, but sometimes I like to open up to people, and then it causes an argument and then I lose another friend. Just what the f**k is wrong with me? I f*****g hate my f*****g Asperger's. It is the worst thing to have a whole life suffering with. Yes I know there are other awful things, but Asperger's is still f*****g s**t to live with, believe you me it makes life really f****d up for me and for the people around me. I would move out but can't because of money, you've got to have money, I am in a part-time job with extremely low pay and would not be able to survive on that if I lived on my own, but it took me 4 years until I found that job so I will never find a full-time better paid job. Not with my f*****g brain.

I've got a cousin's wedding to go to this year. A cousin's wedding! I did want to go, but now I'm not so sure, because everybody in my family but me are in love, and they're all going to bring their stupid partners along to this wedding with them just to show them off, and there will be me sitting there feeling like a useless pile of s**t.

I try to be happy. I make myself look nice and presentable, to lift my confidence. I force myself to turn up for work and carry on. I am polite and friendly to people at work. I smile at people. All of that is effort. I so badly want social interaction and relationships, but I have to make an effort, past all this debilitating disorder of madness.

Just what the f**k am I living for? What does my life mean? Where's it all going to lead to? Why am I existing? Why have I got this f*****g disability? I f*****g hate my brain, why did it have to wire itself into this wreck? I f*****g hate my f****d up brain. I want to be NEUROTYPICAL. Was that too much to ask? To be a normal person like everybody else in my family? Was it that hard? Why did the wrong sperm have to reach the egg? About a billion sperms and that one had to reach the egg first. Why couldn't the sperm behind it get there first? It would probably have made me a neurotypical like the rest of my family. My life would of still had it's ups and downs but I would not be an Aspie, that's for sure. I would just be carrying on with my life, seeing friends, dating a man, etc etc etc.

Stupid f*****g Asperger's. It feels like a fluke.


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Englemager
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13 Feb 2014, 7:42 pm

I too hate this aspergers syndrome but mainly that it can't be cured. That just doesn't seem fair. I do know that life isn't fair and bla bla bla, that doesn't change how I feel though.

I could go on forever about all the misery it has caused me. But it doesn't really matter much, noone cares anyway :)

What worries me most is that maybe it's not really because of this aspergers thing. Maybe it's not because of aspergers that I'm lonely, that relationships always fail, why people get angry with me all the time, why I'm unemployed etc

Maybe I'm just a highly unlikeable and unuseable person? A stupid dumb moron absorbed in himself, feelings and emotions.

I hope not, but it's frightening to think about.

But what I really dislike is when NTs tell me that they know thousands of aspies that all have children, are married, have fantastic educations, wellpaid exiciting jobs, huge loving families, thousands of friends, they win the lottery every week, and when they take a sh*t they don't flush they just pick up the goldcoins that came out and wipes them off...

Great for them and I mean that. But they aren't me and I'm not them. So it's not really a great comfort to hear such bull and I can't really use it for anything

Anyways - Even the bad times are good, The tremeloes

Wouldn't want to be a NT either though. They get on my nerves :evil:

This is the life I was given and I can't really do much about it.

I'll never give up. I didn't stumble through this hell for 40 years just to end it all now :)

I do wish that I could save a child from a burning building or something like that and then die from my injuries. Then it wouldn't all have been a waste of time and space 8)


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MadHatterMatador
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14 Oct 2014, 5:35 pm

X_Parasite wrote:
Asperger's preventing you from having talents? Really? I find new things that I just happen to be very good at all the time! I think that your problem's something else, like a personality issue. If you're likable, then people will want to be your friend.

Don't abuse the label. Saying, "I can't make friends because I have Asperger's." is like saying, "I can't play golf because I'm Jewish.".


I understand what you're saying, but not all aspies have their symptoms to the same severities. You can't use your own experiences to validate or invalidate another's. Plus, I think that's an extreme / inaccurate analogy, imo. Social deficiencies aren't stereotypes of Asperger's, they're a major part of the diagnosis. You can't have Asperger's unless you have trouble socially. I think a better analogy is that it's like saying, "I can't walk down the block because I'm blind." You can, but it's a lot more difficult than it is for the average person, and it takes conscious practice, and even within other people with your deficiency, some will have a more difficult time than others. JMO



tydolfhiteler
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04 Dec 2015, 12:17 am

bdhkhsfgk wrote:
I think it's absolutely awesome.


You sir, are a dunce for saying quite a poppycock statement. :lol:



tydolfhiteler
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04 Dec 2015, 12:19 am

Joe90 wrote:
Of course Asperger's sucks, what's so f*****g brilliant about it? It's OK for some to say that who are socially oblivious to the world, can focus all your attention on detail, and have a high IQ. Sadly not all of us are like that. I'm too socially aware, and I haven't got a choice because I've got to take part in society, I'm too intelligent to live on disability all my life and hermit myself away from the social world and live up my special interests as and when I want, but I'm not intelligent enough to focus on a career-rewarding interest and make a living out of it. I am just a useless, shy, miserable loser with a disability who just has to sit back and smile like I don't care and just get on with it and just cry alone.

I f*****g hate my life. What cursed me with this f*****g s**t? Why am I cursed with it? I know I probably bullied people with Asperger's in my past life, and I know that this is what my punishment for it is, and I just hope in my next life I will be a person who HASN'T got a mental disability i.e. Asperger's. I know you can tell me that having a past/next life isn't true, but I love to believe that it is. I've got to have something in this world to hope for.
I'm sorry, Lord, for bullying Aspies in my past life. I'm so sorry, I can't remember doing any of it because I am a different person in this life but I'm sorry for making you angry. You could have just gave me learning difficulties but still some reasonable social skills, instead of making me into this wreck. But now that you have given me this awful brain, I guess I will have to suffer on.

I just can't go on. I am a sore loser. I am a jealous freak. I am a lonely bore. I am a miserable b***h. All because I have Asperger's. I argue with people and it's all my fault because it's probably me who can't get on with people for some reason. I don't WANT to live like that. I try not to argue, but it just happens. I try to keep my feelings to myself, but sometimes I like to open up to people, and then it causes an argument and then I lose another friend. Just what the f**k is wrong with me? I f*****g hate my f*****g Asperger's. It is the worst thing to have a whole life suffering with. Yes I know there are other awful things, but Asperger's is still f*****g s**t to live with, believe you me it makes life really f****d up for me and for the people around me. I would move out but can't because of money, you've got to have money, I am in a part-time job with extremely low pay and would not be able to survive on that if I lived on my own, but it took me 4 years until I found that job so I will never find a full-time better paid job. Not with my f*****g brain.

I've got a cousin's wedding to go to this year. A cousin's wedding! I did want to go, but now I'm not so sure, because everybody in my family but me are in love, and they're all going to bring their stupid partners along to this wedding with them just to show them off, and there will be me sitting there feeling like a useless pile of s**t.

I try to be happy. I make myself look nice and presentable, to lift my confidence. I force myself to turn up for work and carry on. I am polite and friendly to people at work. I smile at people. All of that is effort. I so badly want social interaction and relationships, but I have to make an effort, past all this debilitating disorder of madness.

Just what the f**k am I living for? What does my life mean? Where's it all going to lead to? Why am I existing? Why have I got this f*****g disability? I f*****g hate my brain, why did it have to wire itself into this wreck? I f*****g hate my f****d up brain. I want to be NEUROTYPICAL. Was that too much to ask? To be a normal person like everybody else in my family? Was it that hard? Why did the wrong sperm have to reach the egg? About a billion sperms and that one had to reach the egg first. Why couldn't the sperm behind it get there first? It would probably have made me a neurotypical like the rest of my family. My life would of still had it's ups and downs but I would not be an Aspie, that's for sure. I would just be carrying on with my life, seeing friends, dating a man, etc etc etc.

Stupid f*****g Asperger's. It feels like a fluke.


Exactly how I feel.....