Self Mutilation

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I just cut heavily and there's blood all over my desk, computer and new shirt and jacket :/. I cut because i loathe myself. I'm a fuckup. I feel faint, lost alot of blood. I prayed to god to die. I hate myself . Does nayone else hate themselves and/or self mutilate

I do. I have been cutting myself for 3 years. I recently made myself to put out burning matches on my skin. The pain makes me feel good and relaxed. I know it's a wrong way to suffice my anxiety, but it is the only thing i am good at. I also tried some yoga on YouTube, but i am never good at such things. Especially in a dusty and noisy apartment. Oh, how i miss my old county place with green grass and fresh air. I do not like cities.
Match burn and cutting are also punishing and i need to punish myself when i am angry at myself. So, there are times i hate myself a lot. But there are also times i feel great in my own skin.

Unfortunately i am not good at creating sentences that make people feel better. So maybe someone else on this "planet" has some good suggestions to make your mood better and not hurt yourself.

There will be better days...

Aw... I used to cut in High School. Scratching, tearing at the skin. Never got too far, though. Was definitely depressed.
Don't know why...
Why do you feel you need to hurt yourself? Did you do it more in the country or the city?

Did you get blood in your keyboard? At least it's not vomit. Probably not a comforting thought, but it's worse, right?
I am worried because you feel faint. Please eat some sugar products like Gator aid and/or cookies!
You won't be trapped in this moment and mindset forever.

At the risk of angering people, I find this conversation highly alarming.
This isn't the first post I've seen of someone saying they want to end it all, or are describing cutting themselves. The only reaction I see is, "Oh yeah, I do that, too." And that's it.
I went through a stage like that years ago, and ended up in the hospital.
So, just wondering, what happens when someone writes, for example, a suicide note here and no one does anything about it?

_________________
Never assume you know what I'm thinking, just ask for clarification.
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal', must necessarily be 'inferior'. " -- Hans Asperger (1938)

I kinda of passed out a bit. I woke up like a hour or so later and it was still bleeding ive put some TCP on the cuts though and plastered them. I self loathe myself so much. I will take your advice and have drunken some lucozade...it deserves to happen though because im a uselss f**k and i need to grind and twist my felsh up as retribution :/

Hi AphexSam - if you haven't already, you should really call a doctor or even the emergency services as soon as possible about this. It's worrying that you say you lost so much blood and (when you posted, at least), felt faint. I hope you are physically okay now, but in any case, I strongly encourage you to get medical attention immediately, because it sounds like you are very depressed and need medical intervention, just like any person suffering from any illness would. I myself used to have a self-mutilation problem due to depression and you really can stop cutting yourself and feel much, much better if you see a doctor - general practicioner, psychiatrist, etc. - and tell them about the cutting and feelings of self-loathing. In my case, finding the right medicine (after trying several ineffective ones) really made a positive difference.

If you're hesistant to call medical services, please, for your own health, tell a family member, neighbor, or advisor - whoever you can talk to now and who you feel okay talking to - what happened and ask if they will call for you. Write exactly what you posted in a note and hand it to the person if you don't know what to say, say it verbatim. Don't worry about causing a scene or upsetting people - you absolutely need medical help. Just be sure that a call is made soon. I know you feel very bad now, but your life and well-being are precious and it would be a terrible tragedy if your depression were allowed to continue untreated.

That goes for anyone who is depressed and/or feel they are danger to themselves. I hope this note has not come across as harsh or patronizing, and I'm sorry it's long-winded, but as someone who has been in the same situation, I promise you it can get better but you absolutely must get help! Your life is sacred - I mean that in the all-encompassing sense, in whatever sense it is meaningful to you (secular or spiritual).

PM me if you want or need to! I really care and want you to stop suffering soon and feel better.

you are right, i wont kid myself, I need medical help but im reluctant too due to being scared and ill be honest, id be quite happy to die right now, i mean what is there to live for. Im useless, a complete and utter shell of a human with no prospects. Im sorry if this comes across as morbid etc but i see the blood pumping steadily out from my arm and coming through the plasters and i feel...at peace. It is raining slightly and i love the rain and im comfortable and my laptops got a nice whir going on and... I dunno. I can't describe it. the arm which i cut has gone numb now which is good as it hurt extremely badly before but it seems to just be throbbing almost now :/.

I am sorry to bring this on you

I know this is probably hard to believe but the only reason you are thinking this way is because you have severe depression. You are clearly a smart, sensitive person with many, many prospects for a happy future ahead of you. Is there anyone around in your house who you could tell about the cutting right now?

To respond to what you said about being reluctant to get help - please try not to worry about that at all. The most important thing is that you get the help now. It is not your fault that you are in pain now, and maybe you're afraid of alarming people, but please don't let that get in the way of either telling someone now or calling medical services yourself.

Well said, purchase.
I've had severe clinical depression, and ended up in the hospital where I had therapy and so forth.
My faith kept me from going through with suicide because of what I believed would happen to me if I took my own life. Not to mention I would have left a 6 year old and an infant without a mother. Turned out I had post partum depression. It was a biochemical imbalance. It lasted a long time, and sometimes it got worse, but over time I learned to cope and learned a lot of things from such a struggle.
Don't give up Aphexsam. Think of it as the beginning of a journey, a sojourn, where you learn how to be a warrior in this life.
I'm not very good at the right words to say, but I had to say something, as well.

_________________
Never assume you know what I'm thinking, just ask for clarification.
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal', must necessarily be 'inferior'. " -- Hans Asperger (1938)

Aphex Sam you need to get help. Posting that you are faint and bleeding on an internet forum is, in it's own way a cry for help. If you are bleeding 'till faint and possible loss of conscious then you need to seek medical attention. The least of your worries right now is possible infection, and that alone warrents a trip to the doctor. Please get help.

AphexSam, keep yourself safe! I know how it feels to be so sad and think there's really no reason to even exist anymore. But life gis long, and things can change! If you are writing here, it means you have some hope.
When you self-injure, are you doing it because you want to die right then, or does the act of cutting help you to calm down?
- Nicki

[quote="Tetraquartz"
Ah, words. Take them within context. I'm not going to expound further. I hope the OP will be all right.[/quote]

How about looking at the person, not the blood?

I went through a period of severe depression when I was self-harming. Finding ways to deal with both the depression and my AS helped me to stop, but it wasn't easy.
Lately the biggest thing stopping me has been the fact that my brain is convinced that someone who I love will die horribly if I hurt myself.
OCD as a cure for self-harm... some days, if I couldn't laugh, I'd want to kill myself.