so very tired

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of being treated like an idiot.

Or a little kid.

When I'm neither.

It's even worse to be treated those ways on the rare occasions when I did something to deserve it.

Or by people who don't have a fraction of the intellectual ability I have.

The world makes me feel like my brain is being electrocuted. For the most part, people don't help.

My girlfriend is awesome though. She makes me feel a lot better. She makes me feel like I'm actually a worthy addition to the Human race. Which is something I haven't felt about myself... well, ever.

Most of the time though, I just wish that when I go to bed, that I'm not going to wake up the next day.

I'm just so so so very tired.

You deserve to be surrounded with better people, who appreciate you enough to treat you like a human being.

I feel this rage building up inside me. More and more often thinking things like, why not walk into traffic? Smash that window? Jump off of this balcony? Yell as loud as I can right into this person's face? Why not why not?

I want to scream and be violent and smash things. All the things I used to have the energy to do. But I don't know why I want to be that way. I never did know. All I know is that I feel so irritated that I want to destroy things.

God damn it, I want to wreck something. Or, alternately, I want to provoke somebody into beating the crap out of me or stabbing me or something. I really don't care which anymore. I would like to start a fight with someone who I know can thrash me. I want to get hurt. And I really want to break something made of glass.

Just life itself can be tiring...

I get that way sometimes too. All I'll want to is sleep...

I'm sorry you're feeling bad Wren.

Criticism can be hard to take sometimes. Depends on a lot on how the criticizing goes about, but sometimes it can get stuck in one's head and make lie miserable. I've had that happen too many times... I even do it to myself sometimes too.
If you don't mind me asking, was there something specific that set you off like so?

As for your rage, it's not unusual to be angry at life when depressed as well. (Lord knows I smashed up a lots of stuff when I was younger... sometimes I don't even know why I did. Still get those urges sometimes too...)

Maybe you should try doing something different from your usual life to get your mind and body away from the stressful situation for a bit. I know when I'm feeling off I'll go for a long drive somewhere, usually up into the mountains. The openness and scenery usually gets my mind to escape whatever is bothering me long enough to come back more calm and capable.
Give yourself a short, mini-vacation to unwind(if you can't take a longer one though).

I hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

go to a junk yard, fins a old beat car and beat it with a rock! Qhen I get the way you at(with out the girlfriend) I do find things to ruin. a tree in the forest and cut it down. smash an old tv with a bed fram find something and get it out! As much as you want to yell or hurt the people around(the bad people) remember this, it used to help me "THEY are ants. they may make friends and they may not have my problems. but I am me. I dont follow others around like an animal. I see things in a new light. the hurt and yell at different. I love and hold the different"

You're welcome, druidsbird. Take care, hope you feel better.

NP Wren.

Forget that guy. Don't waste your brain power on him.

Food poisoning sucks big time. Rest up then.

Take care.

I hear you, Sister. I've dealt with the same stuff, when I was your age. Being treated like an idiot, all the time. I got so sick of it, that I've moved out, four years ago, in the fall.