Trapped and I have no way out

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I have been in a constant state of rage and depression for weeks. Nothing calms me anymore: not music, not breathing, not smashing a pillow, not talking about it, not any of the stupid things I usually do works. I feel like any moment I'm going to just completely fall apart and just go beserk. I want to scream whenever someone looks at me, I want to cry whenever someone talks to me, and God forbid someone try to calm me down; that's water on a grease fire. I can't even escape to my own imagined world anymore because that's been destroyed as well.

I know that a few days, maybe a week, all alone by myself would make all this senseless anger worth it. But I also know thatI'd just come home to the exact same thing I'm in now, and I'd be once again trapped in my own fury.

I don't have a therapist. I cannot get one either. I do not have any friends I can talk to. I cannot write in a journal because I have no privacy. I can't tell my mom; she'll just get mad like she always does when I speak out of turn. I cannot talk to any priests or anyone because I'm basically locked in my own house constantly. I have NO outlet other than the computer. What the hell am I supposed to do?

My only two solutions are 1.) Suicide. I'd rather not do this because I can't think of a good, painless way to die. 2.) Run away for a month or so. Can't really do this either. I haven't got a coat, gloves, a suitcase or any money.

Nevermond, I'm out of ideas. Perhaps I'll just deal with all this fun until I either die or go insane. I think I've already done both though.

once you turn 18 you can go away to school. I suggest you wait until then. It's 3 yrs off but it may be best to just wait and then when you turn 18 you can leave and go where ever you want. You will have more opportunities at that point. At this point you just need to wait.

You could always blog and have the account password locked. Perhaps a therapist at school?

Not to echo Kate but I agree, i'd wait till you turn 18.. in my case I waited till I was 21, saved every nickel dime and penny and got out of the house. If the computers your only outlet for the moment, make full use of it until you get other resources available.


I am curious, why do you say you're locked in the house constantly?

when you say you're locked in the house, is it by choice or is someone locking you up? Because that just has to be illegal.