A rant

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Ok I had to get this off my chest.

Basically I have been going out with boyfriend for 3 years now. He has some terrible friends that I don't get along with at all. These friends of his really don't like women and I get treated with disrespect everytime we go somewhere with them. Lately they have been not inviting me to parties (they used to), instead they just invite my boyfriend. I have known these guys since my relationship started. I feel singled out and angry. My boyfriend works all weekday and sometimes has night time work, he doesn't have alot of free time so he has to choose spending time with me or his friends. I've tried to treat his friends with respect but that respect is almost gone. I also feel lonely as I don't have many friends so when he goes out with his friends I can't help but feel jealous. Feels bad man, I don't know who my boyfriend respects more: me or his friends

You're 19. You're in the process of feeling out your boundaries, issues on which you CAN compromise, and issues that are deal-breakers.

Judge the tree by its fruit. If something's making you constantly on edge, and it feels wrong, it could be because either you need to adapt to the situation, or you need to change the situation so it stops sucking the life out of you.

Maybe your emotional needs do not match what he can provide. If that is the case, you can either submit yourself to a life of misery, or break it off, and hope to find someone who can give you the type of emotional support you're looking for.

Thats the problem, he is my only emotional support right now. I was recently kicked out of my house by my mother and my family hasn't spoken to me ever since. I'm currently living with him, looking for a a job and about to study full time (41 hours per week). Yes you are right, I will either need to adapt or change the situation. I'm beginning to find my own voice as I used to be very shy/quiet which is a good thing I guess. I love him very much, he is my first love and I'm his second. I have tried to break it off in the past but it only took us a day to get back together again. I'm conflicted

Have you spoken to him about this? About all the issues involved?

How his friends treat you is wrong based on what you say. The fact that he doesn't stop them from treating you unkindly is also bad.

There is a need to speak up about your distress because if you don't, you know he won't know. If you tell him at least you know he knows.

Setting relationship boundaries can be difficult but it is worth it if both people respect each other. It is impossible to set boundaries when there is no respect on one side for the other though.

There may be anger on his part because he may think things are fine and feel shocked that it isn't, he may feel defensive and he may even turn to his friends about it. If they are like you say, they will assure him that he's in the right which will make it harder for you two to communicate.

Using "I" statements like 'I feel....when.....happens' 'I would like......' 'I think I would feel better if....'
Fill in the blanks as you think is best and try to use I as much as possible because it is a way of letting a person know something without them feeling totally to blame for it.

Also avoid "you" statements like: 'You never...' 'You always...' 'It's your fault that...' because it indicates blame and anger in a conversation like this.

Hope this helps.

Yes I have many times, he knows I have Aspergers and knows his friends are unkind to me. His friends have had bad experiences with girls: one has been cheated on and most have had experienced bad break ups. But I think this is no excuse to treat someone like me badly. I will have another talk with my boyfriend today and use the advice you have given me His friends don't know I have Aspergers which makes it difficult sometimes to say the right things. They have loud personalities while I'm the quiet type, so when I try to speak up about something, it isn't heard :/

I hope it works out well for you.

Thankyou for your help