Upward comparisons

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I think I have a problem with upward comparisons. I know that I should look at myself and what I have achieved and be proud of myself where I am, but I have this compulsive tendency to compare myself to those more successful than I, and feel like if I don't at least equal their success then I am a failure at life. When I talk about those more successful, I tend to take it to extremes, and even compare myself to famous people (who were so successful career-wise they became famous, not those who were born to fame/acquired it accidentally I mean). If I can't achieve what they have achieved, then somehow I have failed, even though I logically know that these people are one in a million and it's unrealistic to expect myself to achieve those things.

It's like I am unable to do downward comparisons (a.k.a. my grades are higher than most peoples, or something like that), even though I know the constant upward comparisons are making me depressed. I feel it has gotten worse lately because I have gotten to know more successful and inspirational people in recent years, and some people close to me have been doing extremely well in their chosen career paths. I don't feel jealous or envious of these people, I feel admiration for them, pride in them, love them in a personal sense as my friends, but I also feel shame in myself as though I am unworthy of the life I lead, and weak/undisciplined/not trying hard enough because cannot meet my own unrealistic expectations of myself, and at least match the achievements of all those around me.

More than that, I think deeper down I feel this sense of deep desperation and depression/emptiness/lack of fundamental happiness, like the desperation stems from me feeling if I don't succeed work/career/people-wise in a big way, and make a big difference in the world to improve peoples lives, then there's no point in me being here, because I feel little happiness or contentment within myself naturally. It's like the only way my life can have purpose or meaning is by improving other peoples lives rather than enjoying my own.

These feelings never bothered me so much before, but lately I've been wondering if I should want more out of life than this, if I should want and maybe deserve inner contentment and happiness also purely for selfish reasons and in selfish pursuits. I've been starting to wonder whether one can only truly succeed in the pursuit of happiness for others if one has also found happiness in oneself. I don't know whether I am a lost cause for internal happiness in that I am genetically predisposed to severe depressive cycles (and already go through them on a regular basis) and naturally think in a depressive way.

sounds like perfectionism to me.

I found these books helpful

http://www.amazon.com/Present-Perfect-M ... 970&sr=8-4

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Perfec ... 028&sr=8-2

Try the famous book called "the power of now" (link). That healed all my mental problems. Trouble is, unless i re-read it every day, they always come back.

I'm the same. I call myself useless because theres so many people who act "dumb" and who are younger than me earning so much more money.

I don't have any advice because I'm in the same boat, but from my point of view, you've done pretty well.

Thankyou everyone. I liked the sound of the Present Perfect mindfullness book from the sections I read online so I bought it from Better World Books and it should arrive in the post.

While a sincere desire to help others can be very fulfilling, there has to be a balance.

You can cultivate inner happiness without having it be at the expense of others, in this sense you are just as important a cause to dedicate yourself to as others you try to help...

This is not unnatural. Comparative Context is the ultimate motivator, and contributes much to our identity. How we measure up to others in terms of socio-economic status, prestige, intelligence, social status, accomplishments, education, etc. is built into all of us. Low self-esteem is a common denominator for many of us at WP, therefore we tend to look at what we don't have instead of counting our blessings. I used to be the same way, and it took near self-destruction and a good support system to get me back on track and looking forward. Optimism and tolerance for ambiguity is a vital factor to success and trust me, neither one is easy. Faith in god is a powerful thing for me too. You have my sympathies and I wish you the best of luck!