Board index › Coping in life › The Haven

Anyone else see a double standard when you vent/meltdown?

Page 2 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

raisedbyignorance
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,235
Location: Indiana

14 Jun 2011, 9:17 pm

KenM wrote:
I just had a meltdown over something small. But I started to yell and scream because it was a pain at the time. My mom asked me what was wrong as I was yelling/ So I yelled back what was wrong to her and all she did was tell me not to react that way.

Anytime I vent/ have a meltdown over something the people that see it say I should not react that way. I feel they are telling me how to feel and react. They are telling me I have no right to feel the way I do.

When things don't good for others around me and they need to yell/ vent I let them get it out of there system. But when I do it I get put down and told its not right.

I feel thats a double standard, this happen to anyone else?


Welcome to my life...where everything is a double standard.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,751
Location: Pacific Northwest

14 Jun 2011, 11:26 pm

KenM wrote:
USMCnBNSFdude wrote:
Did it ever occur to you that you probably sound really rude when you respond to someone during a meltdown? I felt the same way you do for a really long time until my Mom explained that when I say something back when I'm fretting about something I sound extremely rude and assholic. I think other people don't realize you're having a hard time, but they actually think you're just being a jerk, so they avoid you.




Me yelling, breathing heavy, ect is NOT a sign that I am having a hard time? I thought people with AS had trouble reading people. I have AS and I know when I see someone like that its pretty clear they are having a hard time. But when I act like that everything is fine?

I know I get loud and rude and yell, but when it happens I can't control it. I am better at not having meltdowns. But when it does happen I need people to let me do my thing and get it out. Last thing I want to hear is I am wrong and I need to stop. All I want is the same respect and tretment I give others that need to vent and yell. I let others do it, people tell me I'm wrong to act like that. Then the same people that tell me to calm down see other people they know yelling, having a meltdown, they don't tell them to stop or that they are wrong.



Maybe it's the way you do it?

Do you do it the same way others do it?



KenM
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,597
Location: Mass. USA

15 Jun 2011, 4:37 am

League_Girl wrote:


Maybe it's the way you do it?

Do you do it the same way others do it?


People say I am different then other people when I meltdown, thats why they tell me to stop. But the thing is with my AS I have a very hard time telling the difference. I see people yelling, ect and it all looks the same to me. Thats alot of my problem I think. To me on a deep level, acting like that is all the same for people and in the heat of the moment its OK because I see others do it. But I am the only one that gets put down for expressing my feelings.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,751
Location: Pacific Northwest

15 Jun 2011, 2:18 pm

Have you asked them why it's okay for others to do it but not you and how is yours any different than theirs?



KenM
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,597
Location: Mass. USA

15 Jun 2011, 4:22 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Have you asked them why it's okay for others to do it but not you and how is yours any different than theirs?



Yes and all they say is I seem more hostile and scary, people don't want to be around me. But I honestly can't see the difference when others do that and I do.



Stinkypuppy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Oct 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,553

15 Jun 2011, 8:56 pm

Maybe it'd help if somebody videotaped you the next time you had a meltdown. Then you could watch it and evaluate for yourself.


_________________
Won't you help a poor little puppy?


KenM
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,597
Location: Mass. USA

15 Jun 2011, 9:07 pm

Stinkypuppy wrote:
Maybe it'd help if somebody videotaped you the next time you had a meltdown. Then you could watch it and evaluate for yourself.


I don't think it would help. I have seen others melt down and looks like they are doing the same things that I do. So looking at someone doing it I don't think would make a difference. Besides, these meltdowns happen at unexpected times. What am I going to do, carry a video camera until it happens? Even if I did, when it happens I most likely will be too upset to remember to turn on the camera.



PinkRangerV
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 24 May 2011
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 96
Location: Northern Nevada

04 Jul 2011, 2:44 pm

Sometimes it is just a double standard.

When my mom or dad gets angry, they scream and yell like everyone else. When I get angry and yell, I'm told it's wrong. There is no difference; what they don't like is that a 'special' person isn't always flowers and sunshine. They want us to be like in a movie, the eternally sweet childlike being. Riight. You want to know why the authors put those eternally sweet childlike beings there? Because those aren't real people. They're symbols.

Aspies are real people. We have as much right to melt down as NTs. If people get angry, then you need to talk to them and work out a way to handle it (maybe both of you leave the room when you're angry). But don't think you have no right to your anger, or that it's your fault. If what they want is a stereotype, they need to go watch a movie.


_________________
Now if only I could think of a witty signature...