25 Jul 2011, 11:58 am
And this one in particular!
Nope, nothing major has gone wrong - I've been having a Monday malaise ever since I began going out with my BF (it's the day after he goes home). But... I suspect today is just more malaisy cos he was with me since Tuesday night and because he likes to spend time with me, I haven't really had any time to recover my equilibrium. Actually, scratch that - he was with me from the 15th-17th, then from the 19th-24th. I haven't had my 5 days recovery time!
I know that sounds awful - I have a BF, right? But I need alone time. Goddess, do I need it. And then mum phoned me to offer a trip to Verona (my favourite place in the world) on 26th-29th, which was a massive gift, so I could hardly say no... but I got very stressed until she told me she couldn't find accomodation in the time, so luckily the trip's off 
. Not to mention me searching for jobs today, and all I found were "experience needed", "bright, bubbly", "outgoing personalities" jobs. I mean, I look at 10 different sites FFS, and that's all I get?! I gleaned 3 out of the dross, but really, I don't think I have a hope in Hades of getting to interview stage! 
Mum thinks I should explain my alone-time thing to my BF, because he does cling (bless him) when we're together, because we can't live with each other. We've been going out for almost 3 years now, and still can't live together - how crap is that? But how do I possibly explain that whilst I do absolutely love him, there is something in me which needs time alone. Yes, even from him. No, it isn't a reflection on him or how I feel about him. I simply need time to... remember who I am, rather than being overwhelmed by his personality. And I can't do that when he's checking on me every 30 minutes, because it means I lose my focus. I need to be able to recover my zen without interruption, otherwise I just get even more stressed. But how do I explain that to someone who usually only sees me for 2 days a week and looks forward to it for the other 5 days?
I swear, I almost pushed him out of the door last night - I was desperate. I almost burst into tears on the way home, simply from the stress of holding onto the 'happy NT' mask. Unfortunately, I'm unable to cry, which would probably have been a lovely release . I know I don't have to wear a mask, but it's something I seem compelled to do unless I'm on my own. My BF and my parents see 'me' more than everyone else, but only my cats see me in truth.
Mostly, I'm just frustrated. My life is... limited... and I can't seem to break free.
25 Jul 2011, 1:04 pm
Nope, nothing major has gone wrong - I've been having a Monday malaise ever since I began going out with my BF (it's the day after he goes home). But... I suspect today is just more malaisy cos he was with me since Tuesday night and because he likes to spend time with me, I haven't really had any time to recover my equilibrium. Actually, scratch that - he was with me from the 15th-17th, then from the 19th-24th. I haven't had my 5 days recovery time!
I know that sounds awful - I have a BF, right? But I need alone time. Goddess, do I need it. And then mum phoned me to offer a trip to Verona (my favourite place in the world) on 26th-29th, which was a massive gift, so I could hardly say no... but I got very stressed until she told me she couldn't find accomodation in the time, so luckily the trip's off
. Not to mention me searching for jobs today, and all I found were "experience needed", "bright, bubbly", "outgoing personalities" jobs. I mean, I look at 10 different sites FFS, and that's all I get?! I gleaned 3 out of the dross, but really, I don't think I have a hope in Hades of getting to interview stage! Mum thinks I should explain my alone-time thing to my BF, because he does cling (bless him) when we're together, because we can't live with each other. We've been going out for almost 3 years now, and still can't live together - how crap is that? But how do I possibly explain that whilst I do absolutely love him, there is something in me which needs time alone. Yes, even from him. No, it isn't a reflection on him or how I feel about him. I simply need time to... remember who I am, rather than being overwhelmed by his personality. And I can't do that when he's checking on me every 30 minutes, because it means I lose my focus. I need to be able to recover my zen without interruption, otherwise I just get even more stressed. But how do I explain that to someone who usually only sees me for 2 days a week and looks forward to it for the other 5 days?
I swear, I almost pushed him out of the door last night - I was desperate. I almost burst into tears on the way home, simply from the stress of holding onto the 'happy NT' mask. Unfortunately, I'm unable to cry, which would probably have been a lovely release
. I know I don't have to wear a mask, but it's something I seem compelled to do unless I'm on my own. My BF and my parents see 'me' more than everyone else, but only my cats see me in truth.Mostly, I'm just frustrated. My life is... limited... and I can't seem to break free.
I hate Mondays too!
I think you should explain a bit to your BF about the alone time thing. I need some as well, and I get crap from my husband about "sticking my head in the computer" and being "anti-social" and I explain I just need to "veg out" for a little bit so I can regain my equilibrium, whether that's being online or reading a book or watching tv or taking a walk by myself. If you do live together in the future, it's going to become essential that you tell him (as it is for me, being married). If all else fails, I go into the bathroom and lock the door and take a good long hot bath. Helps me a lot with the sensory issues, for some reason.
Good luck with the job search. I'm in the process myself of looking for a new job...need better pay. I hate the interview process because the faking NT is so tiresome and as I get older it just becomes more annoying.
~Kate
25 Jul 2011, 2:27 pm
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 118,420
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
25 Jul 2011, 4:16 pm
25 Jul 2011, 4:49 pm
I think you should explain a bit to your BF about the alone time thing. I need some as well, and I get crap from my husband about "sticking my head in the computer" and being "anti-social" and I explain I just need to "veg out" for a little bit so I can regain my equilibrium, whether that's being online or reading a book or watching tv or taking a walk by myself. If you do live together in the future, it's going to become essential that you tell him (as it is for me, being married). If all else fails, I go into the bathroom and lock the door and take a good long hot bath. Helps me a lot with the sensory issues, for some reason.
Good luck with the job search. I'm in the process myself of looking for a new job...need better pay. I hate the interview process because the faking NT is so tiresome and as I get older it just becomes more annoying.
~Kate
Psst, I'm a Kate too - yay Kates!
Having read your post, it occurs to me that sticking my head in the pc is exactly what I do when I can't take any more and need an excuse
. Bad, but true!
Thinking about locking the bathroom door, I'm not sure I could do that either - he'd think I was mad at him
.
I do hope you get a new job. It's tough at the moment, but all we can do is keep plugging away
.
Anyway, yep, you're each right - I need to have a chat with him, don't I. Gah - I hate trying to explain my brain! Maybe I should make note-cards
.
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