Grrr...I just want to freaking scream!

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Ok no pun intended but is my family trying to give me a double case of PTSD?

Seriously a couple of weeks ago I saw my stuck up, morally arrogant grandmother WASTED on hard alchohol and my grandpa who has clearly never really been happy with the relationship apparently got a DUI and was having to take piss tests to make sure he was not drinking.....anyways he left my grandmother at the bar and me and my mom, my aunt and my moms boyfriend took her home and by the time we left my grandpa was speeding away....I could have predicted it with my dads side of the family........but my moms side of the family always put on the act that they did not have those problems only for me to find out they are just hypocrites.

Also my sister is in a terrible relationship and can't seem to let go of it, I am there for her but I cannot stand that she wont tell the guy to f*ck off! which she rightfully should

And finally my mother who divorced my dad because he 'drank and smoked weed too much'.......has been fighting with her boyfriend(I live with them so I hear it.) and instead of resolving their issues like adults my mom is out drinking with other guys.......trying to invite me and me friend to go to a bar and have a few drinks all because of what is going on in her relationship just like my dad who she divorced for exactly what she is now doing. And her boyfriend is just focusing on work.......I cannot take sides so I try to be civil with them both but obviously I am human and care about my biological mother a little bit more then I care about her boyfriend so I tend to lean towards her side.

Its stressing me out and I am not sure what to do other than drink more and try not to think about it....not to mention I am getting a little confused with the fact that a lot of times I think more like a guy than a girl even though I am female. and some sexuality confusion I guess......I have only talked to one person about this because I just don't know what to say to anyone else about it.

Has anyone else had so many things going on at once and not known how to deal with it? I felt a little better after talking to my friend but its still on my mind

Sorry, you can't do much about your family. It is what it is, though living in turmoil is stressful. It's possible to dwell less on your family issues without more alcohol, though. Jus' sayin'.

As far as thinking like a guy goes; I'm not sure whether you mean sexual thoughts or thinking more like a guy in general. I believe I think more like a guy, generally.

I'm rather tough minded, no sentimentality, just always trying to see things realistically; no feminine soft mothering feelings. I think it's because I had a tough childhoood I needed to survive.

My sexual orientation is squarely feminine, no confusion.

One of the great things about sexuallity is that it can wait as long as you like to find your preferances. There's no required start date or sell by date.

Yeah I am trying........many of my family members are alcholics......with no hope of changing and I am trying to fight that path. As far as the gender stuff I have preferred wearing guys clothing and not getting to into a lot of things many females are. I am in a sociology course and learned some things about discrimination against people who do not fit into their gender catagory.....and well I don't want to get shot or ran over for it..........apparenatly my sociology professer experianced things like that.

I mean when I was a kid people just could have called me a tomboy and that was the end of it, but it seems like in the adult world it is more complicated than that. And I am not trying to decieve anyone but if someone mistakes me for a male I usually just play along in case the have they prolem with me being female and dressing like a dude. I am ok whith it because I am comfortable in what I wear and how I am.....but I still worry a bit about reactions other people could have.

GACH!! !

Ms. Leaf, you have some seriously disturbed family!

My dad was a bigoted, drunken bully, and I left home one week after graduating high school, and ended up married to a woman who could not stand my father, but was just as bigoted, drunk, and bullying as he was!

I thought she was so 'normal' when I met her. Stupid me...

Anyway, after the divorce, I ended up back in my hometown, and quickly learned that (1) none of my family wanted me around because (2) they were afraid that I would sponge off them and expect them to support me. Guess who convinced them? That's right; my father and my ex-wife!

Fast-forward 20+ years, and now they are behaving all sweet and kind to me; maybe because they realize that I am the only one of my siblings that has been steadily employed for more than ten years by the same company (plus a few years before that in the military), so that I can support myself and my family, and put a little aside for fun.

Most of them are under-employed and take their vacations in each others' double-wides, so guess who they want to come live with? Guess who tells them 'No'? That's right, the same person who asks them where they were when I was homeless.

Yeah, they're family ... I would give a pint of blood to save any one of them, but not a kidney. Nor will I give any of them any more support than they gave me when I needed it.

So maybe you can wait it out while improving your own situation, only to play Turnabout when their time comes to ask for support.

Then you can tell them all to go scratch.

Where I live, upscale suburbia, women dressed like men get by without any hastle. They mostly look punk and those who look butch are unharassed. But this may be a rare environment; conservative, but educated - no redneck element here.

In nearby NYC pretty much everything goes; I mean getting hostile towards androgenous dressers of any gender would need to be 24-7 occupation.

I guess what I'm saying is your safety in relationship to how you dress & present; would be dependant on what type of place you live.

1. Stop drinking. It doesn't make things better. It tends to make things worse, as you have observed.

2. Your grandparents have been on this Earth many more decades than you. If they haven't figured out their lives by now, you certainly won't be able to figure them out for them. Your grandmother is a drunk and your grandfather is unhappy. Not your problem.

3. Your mother sounds like she's being very irresponsible. As you have figured out by now, parents have problems just like everyone else. You might have a talk with her in private about how you are uncomfortable with her behavior but be prepared to get a defensive reply. In the end you should just focus on you. You are a young adult and you should be out there getting up on your own two feet, so to speak. Not spending your time bogged down by problems that aren't yours and you have no control over.

If you spent all of your time trying to fix other people's problems, and no time investing in yourself, where will you be in 10 years? No place better than you are now and you will realize what a horrible sacrifice of time and potential you have made only when it's too late.

Try to keep yourself out of the house involved in some type of thing to keep you occupied. Get a job, or volunteer, take up a sport or hobby, go to school, or some other thing which will have a positive impact in your life.

I am in college but yeah there is not much else to do, I already tried getting a job and did nof find any and considering I really don't have the skills nessisary to keep a job I thought maybe college would be a better option but I have no idea what good that will do...........seems like kind of a useless thing to do for a living.

Also no offense intended but why should I quit drinking when I am th only person in the family who can hold their liquour? Why should I make anything of myself...they are all hypocrites anyways. I'm sick of trying to impress people who are hypocrites even if they are family. And I have no idea how to hold it all in......like how the hell am I supposed to participate in any futiure family gatherings....I garantee I will mention something about this and it will destroy everyones illusions and I don't want to have to deal with it.

The primary goal of college is to eventually graduate with qualifications for some type of career you might enjoy, but there are also a lot of opportunities to be had while in college.



Most drugs addicts and alcoholics actually developed their addictions over a period of time and by the time they realized they were not in control like they thought they were, they already had a problem. If most people in your family have alcohol problems, you will very likely develop one if you continue to drink.

Your goal in life should not be to impress people. Rather, you should realize that there are many different paths one can take in life and some of those paths have the potential of leading to a place where you will find happiness and be content. But you need to seek them out to find them. It's not about your family at all. It's just about you.

True and that is not my goal......but it has just been hard trying to let go of old habits of you know trying to look good to them rather then just living my life and not concerning myself so much with theirs. There is nothing I can really do about any of their situations so I do wish I could just not care and not be so affected by it.

Hi Sweetleaf.

You can still care about your family, but it's not up to you to make any of them change or even to deal with their problems. They can only do that for themselves. The only person you can change or fix is you. And Chronos is right! Stop the drinking. Obviously it hasn't helped the rest of your family by being alcoholics. They won't like that you're not drinking, but that's their problem.

All I'll say is this...if you don't change your ways, you are likely to end up just like your family. Is that what you want?

I drink because I want to it has nothing to do with them......but last night i got too drunk and I hate hangovers so its going to be quite some time before I drink more then a beer in the evening if I really feel like it. Moderation is something my family obviously thinks does not exist. They don't care if I drink or not.