I wish I had a life threatening illness.

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Life is just too long. 28 years is enough. I'm done. I'm just too much of a wimp to end it myself.

I wasn't meant to be here and feel like the only thing keeping me alive are anti-depressants and the fact that I avoid the things (real world) that would make me even more upset.

if people like us don't stick around and help each other, then what hope is there?

I don't think that a life-threatening condition would help your situation. Just think of yourself going through a slow and agonizing chronic condition, taking months or even years of torture before you die. Then there are the infectious diseases that cause a quick death - but these are often messy and just as horrible. Not a good place for "wimps"

Whoops! replied too soon.
Excuse me for reading some of your earlier posts. From those I gather that you have asked for help.

From the little that I read, it seems like chronic depression is a much bigger problem for you than aspergers. Am I correct? Besides getting help from professionals, did you try to find ideas or suggestions about depression on the net?

By the way, it is commendable that you are trying to find help from the aspie community. That shows positive qualities like hope

I have Chronic Depression as well. What I found out, is when I take the pills, they somewhat help but eventually just wear off or I forget to take them for a couple days. The withdrawal stage is much more painful than just simply not taking the pills at all.

I also read through your previous posts.

I know that people can see that there's something different about me because I always catch them staring at me and occationaly I actually hear them say things about me (I Have Very Good Hearing) I call them out on it though.

I am still a fan of Cheers & Frasier, I'm pretty sure that's where I got my taste in clothes. I have become used to the whispers, I still dress classy and when it rains or snows I wear my trench coat, I like to stand out, even if I am the "Odd One Out".

I say, do what makes you happy. PM me if you wish, I would be happy to reply.

I do know a cancer survivor online, but I doubt that she wants me to reveal her identity. Um, according to her, every chemo session=torture, so please don't wish any life-threatening illness upon yourself.

Maybe I should rephrase then...I just wish I'd go to sleep and not wake up. And this isn't exaggeration or pity-seeking, I've truly had enough with life and there is nothing I want out of it that could possibly make me feel better. I just want a refund.

Having a life-threatening disease isn't fun at all. I've seen people die from life-threatening diseases and it's really, really unpleasant. As euthanasia isn't permitted in most places, doctors will offer palliative care to prolong your life - which IMO potentially increases the torture of your existence. Imagine not being to do simple personal hygiene stuff by yourself, or feed yourself. It's very undignified.

Depression does suck. I can relate to that - been there, done that. I went through a phase where I questioned why I was even bothering to be alive, because my MI [schizoaffective] has basically been steamrolling me every six months or so. However, I've come to realise that there is hope. If you have medication, take the meds on a regular basis. If one med doesn't work, try another one - or try a combination. There's a lot of meds out there and a lot of combinations. Do therapy. Practice some self-care techniques.

This might sound trite but things can get better. It can be a really hard struggle sometimes, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Suicide by cop, btw, is pretty selfish - you can damage other people [esp. the cop who has to pull the trigger] if you attempt that method. Same with other methods involving other people, like jumping in front of trains. Jumping in front of trains is very, very messy. Plus you don't always die straight away.

I used to be a strong believer in the supernatural and paranormal and believed one day aliens would take over the world or something. Now I just think life is a random series of events and the only reason it continues is because people keep having babies. If anything, even if I have the torture of living another 50-60 years, I will never put a kid on this earth and put him/her through the NT bs.

sometimes i wish that too and then i feel guilty:/

I understand where you're coming from, OP. I'm only 24 years in and I do not look forward to another 24, let alone 50.

the longer one sticks around, the greater the chances that one starts seeing the big picture.