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Too Much Pressure

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PastFixations
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09 Dec 2011, 7:30 pm

Here is what I call my biggest issue, somehow I put a lot of pressure on myself to do so much, like understanding everyone with their own issues. I am very hard on myself and I did counselling but that did not work on how to deal with it. It's not that I want to be perfect but it's like I want to be the best I can be even if it kills me. I do this regularly as I set myself to a high level. Am I the only ASD person that does this? When I say that I am hard on myself, I'm my own worst enemy.
EDIT: Maybe I am the only one.


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TenPencePiece
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09 Dec 2011, 8:26 pm

You're not.


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09 Dec 2011, 8:49 pm

No, you're not the only one.

I beat myself up whenever I think I might have been able to do better at anything I consider important. If it isn't important, I don't care as much; then, I do just as much as I have to. But if it is anything I believe is important, and I don't do as well as I think I possibly can, I get all over my own case.

And my wife, who may or may not actually be on the spectrum, but at least has a fair amount of traits, is even harder on herself than I am on myself.


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PastFixations
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09 Dec 2011, 8:56 pm

Okay, that is a little reassuring though it does not really solve or ease the problem that I mentioned which I guess a lot of people in similar situations do.



jonathan79
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10 Dec 2011, 12:09 am

Some pressure on yourself can be a good thing. Otherwise, you will never improve yourself. The fact that you are so focused on little things you can do to improve yourself is good. Just try to keep how you *feel* about it reasonable. In other words, use the logical information you gain that you can use next time, but try to forget that emotional stuff like the failure of the moment. It's not easy, but possible.



PastFixations
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10 Dec 2011, 4:19 am

@jonathan79 - I see what your saying but what if it was constantly occuring? Like beating yourself up over things that have happened.



TenPencePiece
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10 Dec 2011, 6:20 am

Quote:
Okay, that is a little reassuring though it does not really solve or ease the problem


That's because I haven't solved nor eased the problem, either :shrug:


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PastFixations
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10 Dec 2011, 11:48 am

Wish I could help even if only a little, actually, I moved on from trying to be a perfectionist. I don't know if you feel like you want to be perfect but it is impossible for anyone to be and even if they are, they end up miserable. I think I had a click in my head and knew that I don't need to be perfect, happened this year too.
To be honest I can't think of anything else.



TenPencePiece
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10 Dec 2011, 2:23 pm

Nope - I know I am not perfect and that would be an impossible endeavour, though I relate to you most when you say you pressure yourself and are your own worst enemy. Do you ever feel like whatever you do isn't good enough?


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jonathan79
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10 Dec 2011, 11:27 pm

PastFixations wrote:
Wish I could help even if only a little, actually, I moved on from trying to be a perfectionist. I don't know if you feel like you want to be perfect but it is impossible for anyone to be and even if they are, they end up miserable. I think I had a click in my head and knew that I don't need to be perfect, happened this year too.
To be honest I can't think of anything else.



This is exactly what I'm talking about. I started out exactly like this too. Just take the same approach and direct it towards your negative perceptions of events. One event at a time; just be a little less hard on yourself each time. It's not easy, you already know that. But, you also know that it is possible to stop being a perfectionist - and that is just as hard.



PastFixations
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12 Dec 2011, 12:01 pm

TPP, I have experienced this but I am this time out of anything that could help.


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12 Dec 2011, 1:33 pm

PastFixations wrote:
Here is what I call my biggest issue, somehow I put a lot of pressure on myself to do so much, like understanding everyone with their own issues. I am very hard on myself and I did counselling but that did not work on how to deal with it. It's not that I want to be perfect but it's like I want to be the best I can be even if it kills me. I do this regularly as I set myself to a high level. Am I the only ASD person that does this? When I say that I am hard on myself, I'm my own worst enemy.
EDIT: Maybe I am the only one.


No you're not, i was the same way for a long time. I was a biiig perfectionist. One day i realised i pressured myself too hard on things, trying to be someone i'm not. Try to change everything about myself, instead of just being myself. I started pressuring myself lesser, loosened up, stopped caring. It wasn't easy, I think you just need to make that click in your head.