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nilescrane
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22 Jan 2012, 3:12 am

I'm what you call a non threatening weirdo. (I think there are other guys on this site that I won't name who fit the same bill but aren't aware of it or don't care but that's besides the point.) If it weren't for meds, who knows what I'd be doing, and I mean that literally. I probably still wouldn't be a threat to society, but I'd be depressed enough to be in and out of short term care facilities.

I'm still obsessed with a girl I dated for a month and knew for 4 months and haven't seen in 3 years. I've never seen someone so beautiful (to me) in my life and likely never will. I don't fall easy. I see plenty of women that nature wants me to fornicate with, but she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I felt so comfortable around her and kissing her, I can't imagine anything else being better.

Yet I spend every waking minute on plentyoffish, "fishing" for women to take my virginity, only to regret it, delete my profile, then make a new one and do the same thing.

Not to mention the groping incident where I was at a bar/club and was dancing with a girl and without permission put my hand under her breast.

I spent the rest of my time just wishing I was dead or never born. While "love" does feel good, it's very rare. I haven't seen or talked to any women since her that made me feel that way. I've seen plenty of women I'd like an hour alone with, but no women I'd actually want to spend time with and actually care about.

Meanwhile I'm listening to Carnival by Natalie Merchant on repeat because of its depressive tone.

I feel like I was one big mistake. I know my dad is frustrated with me, and I always hear my mom saying "You have to calm down or else he'll end up in the hospital again."

I just wish I wasn't born period. This isn't the bi polar talking either. I truly wasn't meant to be here. Maybe there's another world somewhere else where I was meant to be. But Earth isn't it.

I'd love to travel more, but it's also a hassel. The hidden fees with hotels, the credit card freezing etc. .

I just wish someone would shoot me right now.



OliveOilMom
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22 Jan 2012, 4:18 am

honey,

I think you are about to realize something that is a very hard thing. None of us can get the real one we want. Know who I want? Adrian paul from Highlander or Vin Deisel. I can't get them. Nope, I can't probably even clean their bathrooms. It's easy to look at stars and say "I can't get them" but it's painful to look at ordinary people and say that.

But it happens.

Mine was Matt Pickett. And Devin Crowe. I loved them all during high school, and they were normal boys there. But they never looked at me. I ran into Matt not too long ago and he looks terrible. He's aged badly, probably with some help of Jim Beam, Im just glad I didn't now. Devin's gay. Yeah. The hottest boy in school. Whoda thunk it? Either way, he is. Other boys i had my eye on and didn't get are too numerous to name. Let me tell you a story of one I DID get though...... it's not good, or maybe it is if you want a laugh, I can look back and laugh now.

Buck Newby. Yeah his name on his drivers license was Buck. He was hot. He was tall, he was dark olive skinned, black eyes, black hair all brushed badk, big muscled arms. Mmmm mmmm mmmm. He worked at the gas station. I'd just drive around aimlessly to get low on gas to just go in and let Buck pump my gass (back when stations were full service). Now my best friend at the time (she's dead now RIP Wendy) knew him and set me up on a date with him. OMG, Buck Newby! I almost died when she told me!! !! !

He called meon the phone too. Said we would go out dancing and dinner. I dressed to the nines. I was ready. For my Romeo.

My Romeo showed up in an El Camino with a drunk friend. Romeo was half drunk his damn self. I tried to play it off. "OK, where we going?" He said the words no 20 year old wants to hear. "We going to the VFW in Fairfield!" So thats where we went. It was a bring your own beverage kinda place, with pool tables. He had a fairly warm six pack of Milwaukees Best. I had one and sat at the bar. He shot pool. Then. Oh God, THEN. His ex wife walked in. Well not for real ex they weren't divorced on paper it seems (thats when I found out) she had gotten out of prison. I swear to God, ole girl had born to love on one hand and born to kill on another. She asked was I there with him and I said No, no, I'm just a friend! Anyway they layed pool for a while till he was too drunk to. Then I drove us to my house. We stopped at McDonalds on the way. His friend was still with us, if you are wondering. I left them in the driveway and said "Get out of here before sunrise or my Mama will shoot you". My Mama can't aim for s***, but I still said it.

So, thats a story of sometimes when you get what you think you want, it's not what you want at all.

I bet your Juliet is somewhere out there, and you WILL meet her. I only met my husband when I stopped trying to find a man. Really.

I promise, she's there, somewhere.


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shifftheboss
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22 Jan 2012, 6:41 am

It's one girl! Get over it!

I had the same problem once.
I was 15, this girl, gave me a blowjob.
I of course thought i was in love, she had no intrest in me, but a year later I came to the relazation that it was just a bj and there plenty of other girls.
And now here I am 20 and single.

Don't over obsess, it's not worth it.

I know how you feel, I felt the same exact way, I wanted her, and her only, so bad.

Time will cure this.



OliveOilMom
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22 Jan 2012, 6:55 am

shifftheboss wrote:
It's one girl! Get over it!

I had the same problem once.
I was 15, this girl, gave me a blowjob.
I of course thought i was in love, she had no intrest in me, but a year later I came to the relazation that it was just a bj and there plenty of other girls.
And now here I am 20 and single.

Don't over obsess, it's not worth it.

I know how you feel, I felt the same exact way, I wanted her, and her only, so bad.

Time will cure this.


You got a blowjob? of COURSE you were in love! what guy wouldnt be?


_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


shifftheboss
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22 Jan 2012, 7:39 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
shifftheboss wrote:
It's one girl! Get over it!

I had the same problem once.
I was 15, this girl, gave me a blowjob.
I of course thought i was in love, she had no intrest in me, but a year later I came to the relazation that it was just a bj and there plenty of other girls.
And now here I am 20 and single.

Don't over obsess, it's not worth it.

I know how you feel, I felt the same exact way, I wanted her, and her only, so bad.

Time will cure this.


You got a blowjob? of COURSE you were in love! what guy wouldnt be?
A guy like my best friend who gets bjs from different girls daily, but also has to pay child support.



nilescrane
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22 Jan 2012, 9:59 am

Well I did everything with her but actual intercourse (including several blow jobs)...but this isn't about her. I'm unhappy regardless of her. I could have another girlfriend right now that makes me feel the way she did, and I wouldn't be a happy person. I wasn't happy when I was dating her/knew her either. Love/romance isn't this "fairy tale" thing like the movies would make you believe. Women are people too.

My point being, I'm miserable in general. I was just trying to emphasize I'm a weirdo.



nilescrane
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22 Jan 2012, 1:32 pm

shifftheboss wrote:
It's one girl! Get over it!

I know how you feel, I felt the same exact way, I wanted her, and her only, so bad.

Time will cure this.


I would gladly take other women. I was just commenting on the fact that I'm still thinking about her years later and mentioning that I'm a weirdo.

I think having kids is very, very selfish. I mean, on one hand, how were my parents to know I'd turn out this way, but I've never enjoyed life, never wanted to live. I was suicidal at age 13 and was given the "things will get better" speech. Well I'm 28 now and dealing with mental problem upon mental problem. There's nothing I want out of life anyway even if I didn't have the problems. Love is rare anyway (finding women you'd associate with/enjoy the company of on some level and have sex with isn't hard, but "that feeling" is rare) and most relationships svck...people getting emotionally or physically abused and cheated on...and traveling (which interests me) costs a lot of money to begin with that I don't have and is a pain in the butt once you actually do with all of the credit card freezes and hotel fees that it just spoils it.

The good news it does end sometime, and there is that possible apocalypse thing before I expire naturally at 70 or 80 or 90, but that's too long of a wait.

I was close to ending it again last night, but thought about my family before I took the pills. Stupid guilt.



shifftheboss
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23 Jan 2012, 8:51 am

nilescrane wrote:
shifftheboss wrote:
It's one girl! Get over it!

I know how you feel, I felt the same exact way, I wanted her, and her only, so bad.

Time will cure this.


I think having kids is very, very selfish. I mean, on one hand, how were my parents to know I'd turn out this way, but I've never enjoyed life, never wanted to live.

The good news it does end sometime, and there is that possible apocalypse thing before I expire naturally at 70 or 80 or 90, but that's too long of a wait.

dude chill. What's wrong with half you aspie people saying f****d up s**t like makes me almost ashamed to be one. How is having kids selfish? Are you really that depressed that you'd say something that deranged. And suicide is selfish more selfish than anything. Unless you dont have one person that cares about you (you live by yourself and all your family is dead and you have no friends) and that is rare. Just think positive.



mv
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23 Jan 2012, 8:53 am

shifftheboss wrote:
A guy like my best friend who gets bjs from different girls daily, but also has to pay child support.


Clearly, there's been at least one time when he passed on the bj, then... :wink:



nilescrane
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23 Jan 2012, 9:07 am

shifftheboss wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
shifftheboss wrote:
It's one girl! Get over it!

I know how you feel, I felt the same exact way, I wanted her, and her only, so bad.

Time will cure this.


I think having kids is very, very selfish. I mean, on one hand, how were my parents to know I'd turn out this way, but I've never enjoyed life, never wanted to live.

The good news it does end sometime, and there is that possible apocalypse thing before I expire naturally at 70 or 80 or 90, but that's too long of a wait.

dude chill. What's wrong with half you aspie people saying f**** up sh** like makes me almost ashamed to be one. How is having kids selfish? Are you really that depressed that you'd say something that deranged. And suicide is selfish more selfish than anything. Unless you dont have one person that cares about you (you live by yourself and all your family is dead and you have no friends) and that is rare. Just think positive.


Got to love a newbie, and 20 years old at that that knows everything about the world, coming in here like this lol.



Thom_Fuleri
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23 Jan 2012, 12:47 pm

shifftheboss wrote:
dude chill. What's wrong with half you aspie people saying f**** up sh** like makes me almost ashamed to be one. How is having kids selfish? Are you really that depressed that you'd say something that deranged.


Personally, I just hate kids. But even I get the occasional pang that I'm missing out on something. And you know what? Even if I could have children, which is unlikely in a gay male partnership, I wouldn't want to father any. Between the eyesight, bad dentistry, rheumatic joints and the AS, it would be selfish to pass my genes on.

Having children can be a selfish act, and unfortunately it often is. If you have a child because it just happened (carelessness), that's not selfish. If you plan to have a child because you're ready to love and raise one, that's not selfish. If you have a child because all your friends have them and you feel you're somehow unfashionable, that's horribly selfish. Hopefully most of these people realise what they're doing on the way and do a half-decent job of it, but I doubt everyone does.

Quote:
And suicide is selfish more selfish than anything. Unless you dont have one person that cares about you (you live by yourself and all your family is dead and you have no friends) and that is rare. Just think positive.


You might want to look up euthanasia. If I became a burden for my loved ones, it would be selfish to make them miserable.