Maybe I am not so wrong...

Page 1 of 1 [ 14 posts ] 

Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 31,158
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

26 Feb 2012, 1:09 pm

So I have kind of come to the conclusion beating myself up for being depressed, and having issues and being pessimistic.....because other people criticize me for it is not very helpful. Maybe the key is I just have to accept myself, I mean I have every right to be a pessimist if people don't like it that is their problem.......I mean I have gone through a lot that all brought me to the pessimistic thinking I now have. I have noticed I just feel worse when I focus on what must be wrong with how I think, act, feel ect, and the need to fix it so people won't dislike me for it.

The trouble is when challenged I always seem to regress into the severely over-sensative, take everything personally mode and then feeling guilty for how I am and either trying to further internalize things or pushing myself too hard just on account of trying not to bother other people. And why should I......I mean throughout my life I've always thought about others first only to get picked on, misunderstood, cast aside, manipulated, used ect. Don't get me wrong I don't want to turn into a cold sociopath with no regard for anyone else, but I've gotta draw a line somewhere and a good start might be not agreeing with all the things people say that I internalize about how defective and wrong I am.

So just some food for thought....I don't know if I have the strength to hold my ground and accept myself



Mithos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2012
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 685
Location: Ponyville, Equestria.

26 Feb 2012, 1:20 pm

I see it this way, people are just cold cynical assholes who need a beat down. Sadly I can't really defend myself. I tend to run away from fights and when someones picking on me. I hide. I actually have fears of being "That guy that snapped and killed everyone in the office." Oooh that's a big worry of mine. :(


_________________
{{Certified Coffeeholic.}}
I have Severe ADHD (Diagnosed), Tics and Mild OCD. [Fully Alert, Test Retaken.]
------------------------------
Your Aspie score: 128 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

26 Feb 2012, 1:23 pm

you can't be expect anyone to be happy with you, until you're happy with yourself.



Mithos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2012
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 685
Location: Ponyville, Equestria.

26 Feb 2012, 1:26 pm

emlion wrote:
you can't be expect anyone to be happy with you, until you're happy with yourself.
QFT. :)


_________________
{{Certified Coffeeholic.}}
I have Severe ADHD (Diagnosed), Tics and Mild OCD. [Fully Alert, Test Retaken.]
------------------------------
Your Aspie score: 128 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 31,158
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

26 Feb 2012, 1:46 pm

emlion wrote:
you can't be expect anyone to be happy with you, until you're happy with yourself.


True, however one thing I struggle with is how do you become happy with yourself, when since an early age you've been constantly criticized or picked on for just about everything that pertains to you and have internalized it all so deeply the thoughts just wont get out of you're head?

I mean I've had moments where my mood is as good as it gets and all the sudden.....my brain decides to throw some random memory at me like all the times I got called retarded so I can feel bad about it again.

But being happier with myself is something I am working on...or trying to.



emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

26 Feb 2012, 2:47 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
emlion wrote:
you can't be expect anyone to be happy with you, until you're happy with yourself.


True, however one thing I struggle with is how do you become happy with yourself, when since an early age you've been constantly criticized or picked on for just about everything that pertains to you and have internalized it all so deeply the thoughts just wont get out of you're head?

I mean I've had moments where my mood is as good as it gets and all the sudden.....my brain decides to throw some random memory at me like all the times I got called retarded so I can feel bad about it again.

But being happier with myself is something I am working on...or trying to.


I've been told repeatedly I was stupid, nothing but a sex object, ugly, fat, worthless. And I still think them on a daily basis because they're so ingrained but I can shake them off easier because they're someone else's thoughts on me. Not mine.
The first step, I think, would be getting away from the people who criticise you and find people who are, at least open-minded toward who you are.

And something I was told recently (not sure if it works yet) is when you have a negative thought think instead of 'i'm worthless' think 'i am only having the thought that i am worthless' and apparently that disconnects the emotional from the rational and helps you distinguish the thought is only in your head, and not necessarily the truth.

Thinking about it more, it's more accepting yourself, even if you know there are flaws - but that's okay because it's just part of who you are.
For myself, for example, I know the PTSD symptoms are likely going to be a part of my life forever and I will always have bad days, but that's okay, because I can pick myself up and have good days also. Taking the bad with the good and just accepting it.

I'm not sure if this is all a bit jumbled. It's just sort of coming into my head as i'm typing it.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 31,158
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

26 Feb 2012, 3:36 pm

emlion wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
emlion wrote:
you can't be expect anyone to be happy with you, until you're happy with yourself.


True, however one thing I struggle with is how do you become happy with yourself, when since an early age you've been constantly criticized or picked on for just about everything that pertains to you and have internalized it all so deeply the thoughts just wont get out of you're head?

I mean I've had moments where my mood is as good as it gets and all the sudden.....my brain decides to throw some random memory at me like all the times I got called retarded so I can feel bad about it again.

But being happier with myself is something I am working on...or trying to.


I've been told repeatedly I was stupid, nothing but a sex object, ugly, fat, worthless. And I still think them on a daily basis because they're so ingrained but I can shake them off easier because they're someone else's thoughts on me. Not mine.
The first step, I think, would be getting away from the people who criticise you and find people who are, at least open-minded toward who you are.

Luckily now days I do have more choice in who I hang out with, so I have people who don't do that...but a lot of it is family stuff to, so it gets a little more complicated there because yes even my mom has done and said things that where detrimental to my mental health but
some of it had a lot to do with our dysfunctional family in general. As for now I am living at my moms house and her boyfriends their to and i don't really get along with him at all and he tends to be a bit of a jerk sometimes...which pisses me off and then well I would prefer if I did not have to live there. But it was worse when I was a kid and had to go to school to be picked on and then come home to my parents arguing half the time. At least now I have other places I can go.


And something I was told recently (not sure if it works yet) is when you have a negative thought think instead of 'i'm worthless' think 'i am only having the thought that i am worthless' and apparently that disconnects the emotional from the rational and helps you distinguish the thought is only in your head, and not necessarily the truth.

Well maybe, but typically I know its just a thought.......but it still makes me feel bad, or it makes me angry that I put up with it which just seems to feed it more.

Thinking about it more, it's more accepting yourself, even if you know there are flaws - but that's okay because it's just part of who you are.
For myself, for example, I know the PTSD symptoms are likely going to be a part of my life forever and I will always have bad days, but that's okay, because I can pick myself up and have good days also. Taking the bad with the good and just accepting it.

I'm not sure if this is all a bit jumbled. It's just sort of coming into my head as i'm typing it.


I agree with that and that is more or less what I am trying to do. I think the main obstacle with that, is I feel like whenever I find any reason to feel good about myself...or just try to convince myself no ones perfect so its fine I have flaws. There is always someone or something to ruin it. For instance hypothetically I could say 'yes I have depression and probably will for a very long time if not my entire life, but I'm going to make the best of it and live my life as best I can.' Then someone could say 'That's just an excuse so you don't have to work as hard as everyone else.' and then I start feeling totally worthless even though I know they're wrong. Uhh its kinda hard to explain but its like I have no foundation to build any self respect or confidence on so whenever I try to think better of myself its very easy for anyone to make it all collapse.



questor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Apr 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,682
Location: Twilight Zone

26 Feb 2012, 4:07 pm

Been there, done that. Fortunately, I now live alone, instead of with NT relatives. We all drove each other crazy because they kept after me to change into a normal person, which is not possible for me to do. So they were always upset that I wasn't normal, and "wouldn't" change to become that way, and I was always upset because they were always at me to change, and they didn't like the way I am, and there was no way I could fulfill their wishes. My life is far less stressful and relatively peaceful now that I live alone. I never want to live with anyone again!

I have found in dealing with the depression caused by not being an NT in an NT world, and by frequently recycling painful memories, that the best thing to do is to keep distracted and occupied. This really does help. There are a lot of things to do to keep occupied.

- Listen to and/or play music
- Exercise
- Read
- Hobbies
- Surf the I-net
- Join Clubs
- Volunteer with charities
- Watch TV/DVDs
- Take courses, either in person or online

You may be able to think of other activities I missed. Keeping occupied has helped me a lot. I believe it will help you and others, too.


_________________
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.--Henry David Thoreau


eigerpere
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

26 Feb 2012, 4:21 pm

I relate very much. It's hard to be optimistic given the situation but the pessimism could push one further into that place that isn't healthy. My closest friend is a cheerful person and this helps me a lot to balance it all out. There are a lot of challenges and difficulties. Being optimistic probably won't make any difference in the end anyway. It's what we do that makes a difference. If we let pessimistic ideas defeat us, however, then we risk losing the opportunities. You're very intelligent and can work with that to accomplish many things, if you chose. Just wanting to say I know very much how what you're saying feels, very well.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 31,158
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

26 Feb 2012, 8:01 pm

eigerpere wrote:
I relate very much. It's hard to be optimistic given the situation but the pessimism could push one further into that place that isn't healthy. My closest friend is a cheerful person and this helps me a lot to balance it all out. There are a lot of challenges and difficulties. Being optimistic probably won't make any difference in the end anyway. It's what we do that makes a difference. If we let pessimistic ideas defeat us, however, then we risk losing the opportunities. You're very intelligent and can work with that to accomplish many things, if you chose. Just wanting to say I know very much how what you're saying feels, very well.


Well maybe the right word is not pessimism, for what I'm going for....but yeah basically I just want to figure out how to make the best of it, working with how I feel. I mean I've spent a lot of time trying to change how I feel, but maybe that's not the point maybe the point is to make the best of my situation and figure out what I can do with how I feel. If that makes any sense.



Cad
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 17 May 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 486
Location: Between zinc and mercury

27 Feb 2012, 3:06 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
The trouble is when challenged I always seem to regress into the severely over-sensative, take everything personally mode and then feeling guilty for how I am and either trying to further internalize things or pushing myself too hard just on account of trying not to bother other people.


I hear ya. This is exactly what happens to me.



eigerpere
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 371

27 Feb 2012, 3:23 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
eigerpere wrote:
I relate very much. It's hard to be optimistic given the situation but the pessimism could push one further into that place that isn't healthy. My closest friend is a cheerful person and this helps me a lot to balance it all out. There are a lot of challenges and difficulties. Being optimistic probably won't make any difference in the end anyway. It's what we do that makes a difference. If we let pessimistic ideas defeat us, however, then we risk losing the opportunities. You're very intelligent and can work with that to accomplish many things, if you chose. Just wanting to say I know very much how what you're saying feels, very well.


Well maybe the right word is not pessimism, for what I'm going for....but yeah basically I just want to figure out how to make the best of it, working with how I feel. I mean I've spent a lot of time trying to change how I feel, but maybe that's not the point maybe the point is to make the best of my situation and figure out what I can do with how I feel. If that makes any sense.


That makes perfect sense and I agree with you.



MjrMajorMajor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,610

27 Feb 2012, 10:26 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Maybe the key is I just have to accept myself

..I don't know if I have the strength to hold my ground and accept myself



Yes, and yes



marshall
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,752
Location: Turkey

27 Feb 2012, 3:29 pm

I agree all the way.