Giving up (long childish rant)

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Sweetleaf
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05 Mar 2012, 10:57 am

pezar wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
maybe some of us here do have cognitive problems that interfere with our ability to function..


I know that many autistics do. However, there are WP members who drive, so it is possible. I drive. I have driven long distances (500 miles/day). It is possible, and OP did not indicate whether she (presumably a she) has cognitive issues, therefore I presume she can learn to drive.


Hmm then there are people like me who know how to drive, but don't......I could drive alright for a distance on a highway or something, but driving in a city? no f*cking way I would be far too likely to have a panic attack/mental shut down and end up in or cause an accident.



Sweetleaf
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05 Mar 2012, 11:00 am

pezar wrote:
archraphael wrote:
Some parents do not know how to parent of my parents generation... They have ruined a generation by thinking kids can't take criticism or chores.
This breeds mental illness, autism, anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, etc... Guaranteed... Parents pick your poison....
When my dad sees a kid doing chores he says 'poor kid'.. wtf? The kids is learning LIFE SKILLS and getting exercise

and pezar yes this is what i fear. becoming homeless because of this. when i see my self degrading sometimes, i wonder if i will ever make it, and end up on the streets. my parents are so old they could die tomorrow, then what could i do. neither of us knows how to manage money, or even our lives.


That seems to be common, that parents from the "Me Generation" (1970s-mid 80s) think that kids should be coddled. In the 1990s it became fashionable to think that kids were delicate flowers who would wilt if you criticized or corrected them. So we have a generation that was never told no. Bicyclists in San Francisco nowadays blast through red lights while listening to ipods, they weave in and out of cars and jump sidewalks, and when one gets splattered they're inevitably in their 20s, and when I lived there in the mid 90s we didn't have young kids turning left in front of big trucks illegally (in one notable case, she wound up dead) but they do now.


Your generation was never taught they couldn't do something, so they think they're invincible, and kids have always had bad judgment but youth now really think they can do anything, but the laws of physics say no you can't, who's gonna win? Kids bring Mom to the job interview, and the employers have to swallow and accept it because the next 30 applicants all have their moms with them too. Junior gets a bad performance interview, mom's on the horn chewing out the boss. What will these kids do when mom and dad are gone? Kids today are weak, and autistic kids even more so, because they were never taught basic life skills. I mean, balancing a checkbook, looking for a job, setting priorities, driving, etc. Kids today think it's all about them, and that the world should revolve around ME, because they were never told otherwise. Don't worry, you'll be fine, it's your peers I'm worried about.


Seems like you're trying to project things your pissed about in your life onto other people.



archraphael
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05 Mar 2012, 12:15 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
pezar wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
maybe some of us here do have cognitive problems that interfere with our ability to function..


I know that many autistics do. However, there are WP members who drive, so it is possible. I drive. I have driven long distances (500 miles/day). It is possible, and OP did not indicate whether she (presumably a she) has cognitive issues, therefore I presume she can learn to drive.


I know how to drive but I would be prone to anxiety attacks while driving which I would prefer not to risk, but I guess not everyone has that issue.


I love driving. I love the repetition, I love finding places, and seeing the scenery I could do it all day.
However I do get fragile under stress which causes me to tend to smoke a lot to clear my mind but driving is actually a de-stressing task and releases energy.

As for the generations raising their kids wrong... Yes it's just worse and worse.. it's like the fall of Rome. I pray to God my generation learns from this mistake... the textng.. the spoiling.. the not making your kids do chores... its WRONG.. not right.. its NOT GOOD for the child in the long run...

Unfortunately me and my brother WERE NOT taught we could do ""anything""... I had dreams of joining the navy, my dad **who served in the army** laughed in myface. thanks pezar

I am getting into arguments with my mother every day over this. She is telling me it's my fault because "we fought with you kids every day over things" however I clearly remember us helping my dad with the yardwork when we were very veery young. At one point they just GAVE UP and decided it was ALL OUR FAULT that they didnt even TRY....

Now it is my cycle to GIVE UP when things get tough. even stupid things like this class I'm taking. I'm too 'special' to learn this class properly? GIVE UP... NO.. that's not the way we should continue our lives.. that's NOT the cycle I want to continue. I did not start the cycle but my parents did. it's **my** DUTY to END the cycle... esp if i had kids. i would not want them to give up too. i would want to take them camping, do the yard work, do fun things with them besides letting them rot away playing video games and eating
i have noticed the TREND in my familys cultue and i **don't want to see it anymore** it's my time to get away from this.

I would like more conversation on this site about this issue of weak parenting of special needs kids. it really makes me sad. i admmit i am bitching a lot but giving an example of ((what happens)) when a parent gives up on their child with special needs. look at me a rambling, weak minded, frail, 20-something, unemployed, and neurotic as f**k. :twisted:



Sweetleaf
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05 Mar 2012, 12:38 pm

archraphael wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
pezar wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
maybe some of us here do have cognitive problems that interfere with our ability to function..


I know that many autistics do. However, there are WP members who drive, so it is possible. I drive. I have driven long distances (500 miles/day). It is possible, and OP did not indicate whether she (presumably a she) has cognitive issues, therefore I presume she can learn to drive.


I know how to drive but I would be prone to anxiety attacks while driving which I would prefer not to risk, but I guess not everyone has that issue.


I love driving. I love the repetition, I love finding places, and seeing the scenery I could do it all day.
However I do get fragile under stress which causes me to tend to smoke a lot to clear my mind but driving is actually a de-stressing task and releases energy.

As for the generations raising their kids wrong... Yes it's just worse and worse.. it's like the fall of Rome. I pray to God my generation learns from this mistake... the textng.. the spoiling.. the not making your kids do chores... its WRONG.. not right.. its NOT GOOD for the child in the long run...

Unfortunately me and my brother WERE NOT taught we could do ""anything""... I had dreams of joining the navy, my dad **who served in the army** laughed in myface. thanks pezar

I am getting into arguments with my mother every day over this. She is telling me it's my fault because "we fought with you kids every day over things" however I clearly remember us helping my dad with the yardwork when we were very veery young. At one point they just GAVE UP and decided it was ALL OUR FAULT that they didnt even TRY....

Now it is my cycle to GIVE UP when things get tough. even stupid things like this class I'm taking. I'm too 'special' to learn this class properly? GIVE UP... NO.. that's not the way we should continue our lives.. that's NOT the cycle I want to continue. I did not start the cycle but my parents did. it's **my** DUTY to END the cycle... esp if i had kids. i would not want them to give up too. i would want to take them camping, do the yard work, do fun things with them besides letting them rot away playing video games and eating
i have noticed the TREND in my familys cultue and i **don't want to see it anymore** it's my time to get away from this.

I would like more conversation on this site about this issue of weak parenting of special needs kids. it really makes me sad. i admmit i am bitching a lot but giving an example of ((what happens)) when a parent gives up on their child with special needs. look at me a rambling, weak minded, frail, 20-something, unemployed, and neurotic as f**k. :twisted:


Well I came from a deeply dysfunctional family....so there was lots of stress but I was still required to do chores and my parents where not exactly easy on me.....my mom kinda was in a weird twisted way, like she criticized a lot but was over-protective but manipulatively, its hard to explain. But anyways I had to do chores.....I didn't get treated as 'special' because no one had bothered to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.........they acted like it could just be trained and criticized out of me. Anyways though I've turned out horribly and never had the oppurtunity for this super spoiled lifestyle you speak of...even if my parents had wanted to spoil me they couldn't have afforded it.

But yeah for quite some time I tried to think if I would only try harder I could get over everything and such, only to beat myself up when i failed and repeat the process over and over again.....that did not help me learn to deal with anything. So your theory seems to be one has to be spoiled to end up more or less in a position like mine or yours for instance.....yet I feel my experience disproves this.



archraphael
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06 Mar 2012, 4:18 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
archraphael wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
pezar wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
maybe some of us here do have cognitive problems that interfere with our ability to function..


I know that many autistics do. However, there are WP members who drive, so it is possible. I drive. I have driven long distances (500 miles/day). It is possible, and OP did not indicate whether she (presumably a she) has cognitive issues, therefore I presume she can learn to drive.


I know how to drive but I would be prone to anxiety attacks while driving which I would prefer not to risk, but I guess not everyone has that issue.


I love driving. I love the repetition, I love finding places, and seeing the scenery I could do it all day.
However I do get fragile under stress which causes me to tend to smoke a lot to clear my mind but driving is actually a de-stressing task and releases energy.

As for the generations raising their kids wrong... Yes it's just worse and worse.. it's like the fall of Rome. I pray to God my generation learns from this mistake... the textng.. the spoiling.. the not making your kids do chores... its WRONG.. not right.. its NOT GOOD for the child in the long run...

Unfortunately me and my brother WERE NOT taught we could do ""anything""... I had dreams of joining the navy, my dad **who served in the army** laughed in myface. thanks pezar

I am getting into arguments with my mother every day over this. She is telling me it's my fault because "we fought with you kids every day over things" however I clearly remember us helping my dad with the yardwork when we were very veery young. At one point they just GAVE UP and decided it was ALL OUR FAULT that they didnt even TRY....

Now it is my cycle to GIVE UP when things get tough. even stupid things like this class I'm taking. I'm too 'special' to learn this class properly? GIVE UP... NO.. that's not the way we should continue our lives.. that's NOT the cycle I want to continue. I did not start the cycle but my parents did. it's **my** DUTY to END the cycle... esp if i had kids. i would not want them to give up too. i would want to take them camping, do the yard work, do fun things with them besides letting them rot away playing video games and eating
i have noticed the TREND in my familys cultue and i **don't want to see it anymore** it's my time to get away from this.

I would like more conversation on this site about this issue of weak parenting of special needs kids. it really makes me sad. i admmit i am bitching a lot but giving an example of ((what happens)) when a parent gives up on their child with special needs. look at me a rambling, weak minded, frail, 20-something, unemployed, and neurotic as f**k. :twisted:


Well I came from a deeply dysfunctional family....so there was lots of stress but I was still required to do chores and my parents where not exactly easy on me.....my mom kinda was in a weird twisted way, like she criticized a lot but was over-protective but manipulatively, its hard to explain. But anyways I had to do chores.....I didn't get treated as 'special' because no one had bothered to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.........they acted like it could just be trained and criticized out of me. Anyways though I've turned out horribly and never had the oppurtunity for this super spoiled lifestyle you speak of...even if my parents had wanted to spoil me they couldn't have afforded it.

But yeah for quite some time I tried to think if I would only try harder I could get over everything and such, only to beat myself up when i failed and repeat the process over and over again.....that did not help me learn to deal with anything. So your theory seems to be one has to be spoiled to end up more or less in a position like mine or yours for instance.....yet I feel my experience disproves this.


Are you saying spoiling has no negative effect on the childs functioning? I have ended up extremely sheltered as result of spoiling--- i did not find good friends or any real life experience until this past because i was too sick in the head to function as a teen.. And other people literally *do not care* when someone else is falling apart or are scared of people they think are 'insane'.

i admit to being spoiled but to the point where the parent wants to cripple the child so we don't leave town or have any reason to. I see my acquaintences and friends who live close to uni and each other and then people wonder why people who live in this kind of neighborhood become autistic, sheltered, and extremely depressed


My parents are 'literally' 'here' but the constriction and uneven parenting is breeding the same kind of cycle as a drug addict/suicidal/etc. there is no emotional support

This isn't a 'the grass is greener on your side' issue this is a 'sh***y parenting' issue

people on the spectrum can achieve great things even prodigous... but look whats happening
falling apart all the time

sorry. i should stop complaining about my 'extravagant' lifestyle.. trying to motivate my self to move on with my life



Angel_ryan
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06 Mar 2012, 8:59 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well I came from a deeply dysfunctional family....so there was lots of stress but I was still required to do chores and my parents where not exactly easy on me.....my mom kinda was in a weird twisted way, like she criticized a lot but was over-protective but manipulatively, its hard to explain. But anyways I had to do chores.....I didn't get treated as 'special' because no one had bothered to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.........they acted like it could just be trained and criticized out of me. Anyways though I've turned out horribly and never had the oppurtunity for this super spoiled lifestyle you speak of...even if my parents had wanted to spoil me they couldn't have afforded it.

But yeah for quite some time I tried to think if I would only try harder I could get over everything and such, only to beat myself up when i failed and repeat the process over and over again.....that did not help me learn to deal with anything. So your theory seems to be one has to be spoiled to end up more or less in a position like mine or yours for instance.....yet I feel my experience disproves this.


I guess I'm not alone when it comes to having difficult/unsupportive parents. My mother also has a "twisted" way about her. She's extremely sensitive, overprotective, but emotionally unsupportive and even kind of abusive. She really likes to have things her way even if it means benefiting just herself even though there is a way to benefit herself and someone else. She takes her stress and frustration with her personal issues out on her family all the time. She says she wants the best for me, but freaks out when ever I mention moving out. The people working with me have told me I'd be functioning better if I weren't living with her. I've lived in a large family for so long I'm scared of being alone all the time and not knowing what to do when something goes wrong. I'm trying to obtain a special social worker to make sure I look after myself properly when I do move out. I have a severely poor memory, and a lot of trouble with understanding written instructions. I'm most worried about encountering problems I have no experience in dealing with. My mother always criticizes me when I don't know what to do, and she does it for me instead of giving me the chance to do it. She often says or does things to lower my self esteem and seems to be the biggest trigger towards my thoughts of suicide. I've been possibly 'spoiled" with money, but honestly never love. When I was upset my mother would buy me a toy and tell me it was wrong for me to be upset because she bought me a toy to make it all better. She's also a shopaholic and a hoarder. I don't completely blame her or hate her, I know she has her own set of problems, but she did a lot to hurt me emotionally as a child. She recently told me she feels extremely guilty. So I forgave her, but she also can't except the mistakes she's made and she still does things that hurt me a lot.


_________________
Last edited means I caught yet another spelling mistake I missed while I was looking for them, Damn Dyslexia.


Last edited by Angel_ryan on 06 Mar 2012, 10:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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06 Mar 2012, 9:05 pm

archraphael wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
archraphael wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
pezar wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
maybe some of us here do have cognitive problems that interfere with our ability to function..


I know that many autistics do. However, there are WP members who drive, so it is possible. I drive. I have driven long distances (500 miles/day). It is possible, and OP did not indicate whether she (presumably a she) has cognitive issues, therefore I presume she can learn to drive.


I know how to drive but I would be prone to anxiety attacks while driving which I would prefer not to risk, but I guess not everyone has that issue.


I love driving. I love the repetition, I love finding places, and seeing the scenery I could do it all day.
However I do get fragile under stress which causes me to tend to smoke a lot to clear my mind but driving is actually a de-stressing task and releases energy.

As for the generations raising their kids wrong... Yes it's just worse and worse.. it's like the fall of Rome. I pray to God my generation learns from this mistake... the textng.. the spoiling.. the not making your kids do chores... its WRONG.. not right.. its NOT GOOD for the child in the long run...

Unfortunately me and my brother WERE NOT taught we could do ""anything""... I had dreams of joining the navy, my dad **who served in the army** laughed in myface. thanks pezar

I am getting into arguments with my mother every day over this. She is telling me it's my fault because "we fought with you kids every day over things" however I clearly remember us helping my dad with the yardwork when we were very veery young. At one point they just GAVE UP and decided it was ALL OUR FAULT that they didnt even TRY....

Now it is my cycle to GIVE UP when things get tough. even stupid things like this class I'm taking. I'm too 'special' to learn this class properly? GIVE UP... NO.. that's not the way we should continue our lives.. that's NOT the cycle I want to continue. I did not start the cycle but my parents did. it's **my** DUTY to END the cycle... esp if i had kids. i would not want them to give up too. i would want to take them camping, do the yard work, do fun things with them besides letting them rot away playing video games and eating
i have noticed the TREND in my familys cultue and i **don't want to see it anymore** it's my time to get away from this.

I would like more conversation on this site about this issue of weak parenting of special needs kids. it really makes me sad. i admmit i am bitching a lot but giving an example of ((what happens)) when a parent gives up on their child with special needs. look at me a rambling, weak minded, frail, 20-something, unemployed, and neurotic as f**k. :twisted:


Well I came from a deeply dysfunctional family....so there was lots of stress but I was still required to do chores and my parents where not exactly easy on me.....my mom kinda was in a weird twisted way, like she criticized a lot but was over-protective but manipulatively, its hard to explain. But anyways I had to do chores.....I didn't get treated as 'special' because no one had bothered to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.........they acted like it could just be trained and criticized out of me. Anyways though I've turned out horribly and never had the oppurtunity for this super spoiled lifestyle you speak of...even if my parents had wanted to spoil me they couldn't have afforded it.

But yeah for quite some time I tried to think if I would only try harder I could get over everything and such, only to beat myself up when i failed and repeat the process over and over again.....that did not help me learn to deal with anything. So your theory seems to be one has to be spoiled to end up more or less in a position like mine or yours for instance.....yet I feel my experience disproves this.


Are you saying spoiling has no negative effect on the childs functioning? I have ended up extremely sheltered as result of spoiling--- i did not find good friends or any real life experience until this past because i was too sick in the head to function as a teen.. And other people literally *do not care* when someone else is falling apart or are scared of people they think are 'insane'.

i admit to being spoiled but to the point where the parent wants to cripple the child so we don't leave town or have any reason to. I see my acquaintences and friends who live close to uni and each other and then people wonder why people who live in this kind of neighborhood become autistic, sheltered, and extremely depressed


My parents are 'literally' 'here' but the constriction and uneven parenting is breeding the same kind of cycle as a drug addict/suicidal/etc. there is no emotional support

This isn't a 'the grass is greener on your side' issue this is a 'sh***y parenting' issue

people on the spectrum can achieve great things even prodigous... but look whats happening
falling apart all the time

sorry. i should stop complaining about my 'extravagant' lifestyle.. trying to motivate my self to move on with my life


No I am saying not everyone that did not develop effective coping skills was spoiled as a child. It seems some people think that is the case and throw that accusation around a lot. But of course being spoiled and over-protected as a child can have negative effects.