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ScientistOfSound
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21 Jun 2012, 5:35 am

On monday, I lost my sister in law to cancer. She married my brother on her death bed, and I witnessed every moment of it. For anybody who has witnessed somebody die of cancer, you'll know how deeply upsetting and traumatic it is. When she died, she was just lying there - the scary part was, once she died, she looked more like a dummy than a human, that was the only way I could describe it. And that was frightening, very, very frightening. I loved her like she was my big sister, and seeing her like that completely shook me to the core. I can't get to sleep because every time I close my eyes I remember and see her like that, and it's torturing me. I feel like I've shattered, almost like I'm broken and I can never be fixed. I'm empty inside, there's this dull ache where my heart was and it's like I've been punched in the stomach. I haven't even cried, and that makes it even worse. I think I'm broken. I am broken.



poppyfields
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21 Jun 2012, 6:34 am

One of my childhood friends died in february of colon cancer. She was only 24. I still think about her everyday. I cried a lot the first two weeks, not so much now but feel sad about her loss a lot. I honestly feel like a different person. I've had grandparents and a (severely disabled) cousin, but this was a completely different type of loss that has shook me to my core. Sometimes I laugh because who dies at 24 from colon cancer? It's like some sick joke.

Everyone experiences grief in their own way, but pretty much every way sucks.



WerewolfPoet
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22 Jun 2012, 12:06 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I can not even imagine losing a close family member. I lost a very close friend who was only eight years old at the time (I was ten) to a fatal reaction to insulin. The funny thing: even though I am an incredibly sensitive person, it took me years to cry over the death of this friend. This was the type of friend in which one lives in the other's house. We were a bit like sisters. Death can numb a person. It can shatter them, break them, rattle them, crush them, flatten them, ect.
However, it also provides an opportunity for closeness to the living. Perhaps you can find a bit of peace by consoling those who are also grieving the loss of this valued life. Even if you are not the most comforting person, providing what little comfort you know how can make a world of difference. Any bit of compassion helps. When you help others, you find that you, in turn, are helped. I am not aware of how you relate to other people and understand that you may not want to be around anybody at the moment. Please, take your time. Perhaps you can send an email/text/phone call/however you communicate to your brother, letting him know that you are here for him, that you love him, and that you are sorry for his loss.
If you are the type that likes to arrange parties, perhaps you can set up a memorial service where you focus only on the positives of the life of your beloved sister-in-law. My friend's parents did such after the death of my friend. Even being next to somebody else who is also grieving, even if only to allow them to sob on your shoulder or to squeeze you in a hug, can be extremely therapeutic.
To all of who on this thread who have lost somebody or who are otherwise grieving: I wish you all of the peace, serenity, happiness, and healing that can possibly be received.

*offers virtual hugs to all who want or need it*