Potentially reconsidering suicide

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I once promised myself that I'd never reconsider after nearly getting stuck in a suicidal conviction, but everything is unbearable... and it's been like this for a few years at least, so I'm not sure it's a short term problem. I mainly can't stand this unbelievably noisy world! Today I had about five sirens pass by - near college that sometimes becomes fourfold - and now, after a day full of utter failures and loneliness, I have a helicopter just hovering around and when it did so in the past it can last
up to two hours. TWO HOURS of helicopter noise hell! I've tried emailing the aviation authority but they can't do anything. I would honestly love if I could shoot it down with a bazooka like Solid Snake does in Metal Gear Solid.

I've tried living... no, just existing through emptiness for so long. Every time I read a description of old people it fits me absolutely perfectly (I'm just steadily losing my cognitive faculties too).

I just want to crawl in a cave and die... except I got no cave, and if I had I could possibly not be so overwhelmed by society.

Firstly, I express my sympathies for the pain you are experiencing. Your situation sound particularly unenjoyable, and I cannot condemn you for having such thoughts pop into your head.
That being said, your premature death would be quite tragic in the grand scheme of things. You have so much experience, so much personality, so much LIFE to contribute to this world. There is beauty in this world, even if it appears hidden to us in our periods of grief.
Perhaps you should invest in earplugs--if you already have earplugs, perhaps you should invest in more efficient ones. If your financial situation is not the best, perhaps you can find a loved one, a family member, a professor that is especially fond and understanding of you, or somebody to help you acquire such. I have also heard, though cannot attest to the validly of such, that restricting the amount of gluten and wheat in the diet can reduce the severity of hyper-sensitivity.
In any case, I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your situation. Please, don't give up. You are still loved and needed.

I once heard a story about someone who attempted suicide by jumping from a bridge. He was badly injured but survived. He said that before he jumped, his problems seemed insurmountable, but as soon as he started to fall, his problems seemed petty and miniscule. He instantly wondered why he chose such a drastic way to make his problems "go away".

Death isn't a solution. It doesn't make anything better; it doesn't end the problems. It just ends YOU.

If your life is really that unbearable, walk away. Literally walk away if you need to, and never look back. Do something else. Move to the wilderness by yourself and be a hermit if you want. Just change something.

(Thread moved from Autism discussion to The Haven)

Would light-touch use of marijuana help with the noise issues? (standard proviso: where legal)

My experience with college was that most of my fellow students were interested in hierarchical social climbing and not really interested in serious issues at all. And also that this was broadly the case with young people in their early 20s.

I have not had good luck from bike riding clubs, political groups (actually I did a little bit better visiting the Republicans because I wasn't expecting much to happen!) It seems the leaders are mainly committing to the meetings running smoothly and don't have much energy for anything else. And most people are attending like they'd attend to watch a movie, and not to have conversations with other people. I wish this was not the case. And I guess the solution is light touching a variety of groups.

Now, one reason to stay alive is what I hope is the coming Spectrum Civil Rights. That we will take pages from various civil rights movements, and make real progress on jobs and broader social acceptance.

And, depression can start off situational and become biochem. And I guess get upward spiral anywhere you can. So, myself I have suffered with bouts of depression, have not yet tried antidepressants, but now am quite a bit more open to them. As I've read, trial and error in respectful sense, may not be the first one which works. And sometimes important to step down in phases even if the medication doesn't seem to be working. And either a psychiatrist or a 'regular' doctor like an internist or family practitioner (used to be g.p.) can just as well do this trial and error. For example, in the book Hello to All That: A Memoir of Zoloft, War, and Peace, the author John Falk was not helped by prozac but was helped by zoloft, and sometimes (often) it takes more than two.

First of all, I want to say that this would upset me personally, and I'm sure I'm not the only one here who feels that way. I sometimes have trouble keeping your username attached to your avatar, but I always remember I like the person behind both.

Furthermore, the loss of a modern, succeeding aspie from this world is grievous. We are moving into what I consider the second wave of aspergers society, and we need as many people as possible behind this movement. If you make it through college and get a good job in a quiet town, you will be part of a global change, something that affects young aspies for years to come. You can show that we can succeed and then some and help spread the message that we can be so much more with a more flexible, understanding world.

Is there anything that helps? Noise cancelling headphones? A quiet place you can escape to? A rum and coke or two at night? Antidepressants?

Mootoo, I can't add much to what has already been said above. But sometimes images rather then words come to mind. What came to mind reading your post was this.

It reminded me of the scene in Apollo 13 (13 not 18 cause then you would be eaten by space spiders) when the accident first occurs. The control center hears the 'Houston we have a problem' and all the various stations start reporting all the damage and what is broke and what is breaking. Taken together it all makes for a very bad situation, in fact listening to all the failures one might think things hopeless. But the command center controller raises his voice and said something to the effect of 'Stop. I don't want to know what isn't working. What I want to know is what is working, because that is what we have to work with to get these guys home'.

So anyway, you do have much to work with (like intelligence) and things on your side (like time). Some of the problem areas you mention are temporary, some can be changed, others might be reduced. Think about what you would rather have it be and then plan & work towards those goals a step at a time. If you can get a single small success, it will help you get on to the next.

P.S. I have found professional assistance (counseling, medications) useful at times. I don't like staying on things past when needed, but I have no qualms at all about asking for and using that help when under mental or physical duress. It is kind of a 'whatever it takes' to get thru this valley and starting up the next rise.

Hope you feel better, Mootoo. I live in sunny Seattle. Pretty soon we'll have the Blue Angels flying overhead. They do this every summer, and they are LOUD! Can you imagine if I wrote to them and told them to skip it because the noise bothers me? Imagine that. It's one of those grin and bear it things. By the same token, I've said before in these forums that I need traffic noise to keep alive. I've tried total isolation before and it nearly killed me. Being busy seems to keep my depression in check. Hope it works for you, too.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, just remember that.

You need to move location by the sounds of it. Live somewhere quieter. I don't know what else to suggest, I've just come back online and my mind is fuzzy, so I don't know how to give advice on this, sorry

Living near a college is going to be loud. If you want somewhere quieter, you'll have to move more into the country.

Alternatively, you might try looking for a basement apartment. With 3 of the 4 walls underground, it may help dampen the sounds from outside.

On a rather morbid perspective, if you did do something to yourself it wouldn't make the sirens and helicopters go away, in fact it would only bring another barrage of noise for others - maybe someone just like you who hasn't heard of WP and doesn't have access to the kind of community and support we have here. I have issues with sirens and helicopters myself so I know how it gets. Previous post mentioned finding a basement dwelling. If there's a way for that to happen I'd say try it