Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent
Dear you, i sometimes think it would be good if i were to date you and got married in some far off countryside.
Sadly you were a bit creepy stalking me and idealizing how "unique"(?) i am, but would probably run away at the first sight of me showing signs of autism/ a disability. So i think i dodged a bullet.
Dear you,
I've never hated you, the closest I came was when I got some bad vibes, was briefly annoyed, when my paranoia and suspicions started to question certain things. Oh, and there's that time you turned me inside out. But Nevermind. I've always gave you the benefit of the doubt, taken everything on face value. I care for you I really do. And only wish you the best.
_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)
Dear you,
Telling someone who emails you out of desperation, whilst feeling suicidal, that they are "creepy" - knowing full well that they have done nothing to deserve that, is like sticking the proverbial 'knife' into someone who is already 'bleeding out' (emotionally).
I only wanted you & your accomplices to stop the slander/false claims/cyber-bullying.
Do better, next time. Good hearted and innocent people might real life die because of such actions. If you think that is okay, then perhaps you need to reevaluate your moral compass and honestly - your sanity.
Also, having several online social media accounts on Facebook & telling someone you are creeped out by them having a second account years ago, is called gaslighting.
You have at least four. Get a grip.
To me,
I wrote the poem for therapy once the drugs wore off in the morning. It all can be incredibly cruel. I'll keep it, and maybe gain strength from it. It's been written out multiple times in the white corridors in different ways, and burned time after time. I don't think I can give it to anyone, even my mother who knows it all anyway.
You shouldn't hate and blame yourself so much,
You
To you,
I've been dreaming of you for a long time, from around 2012 to now (everything you gave me did that one). I know you knew I sometimes was. It's sad in that that was a lot of time I could have spent with you if accepted and I wasn't hiding from my feelings, yours. The reasons might be understandable, but they don't change anything. A lot of things went on over those years, but I never stopped dreaming. I'm finished with mental hospitals, cages and the past controlling me. I walked through them, endured them and survived them.
I'd go through it all again if you're on the other side. I'd do it all over again as it led to knowing you, and everything you gave me. I wish I could have given what you wanted, but that wouldn't have been me.
I understand though. If anything can be there, like it was [or more], I'll have to show that one to you. I will, however many years.
Forever,
D
Dear Telemarketers,
If I have to ask you to identify yourselves, then I am going to hang up on you instead.
The polite way is for you to identify yourselves first, and then ask if I am the one you are calling.
Anything less is rude, and I return rudeness with rudeness.
Sincerely,
Me
I understand your perception of death.
You don't understand my perception of death.
I can sympathize with you. While you judge me.
I understand resentment better than most people do.
While you thought yours is more valid because it's how most people understand it.
I can empathize with you. While you judge me.
_________________
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To you,
I can share it with you eventually. I don't really want you to know what made me, and it'd be easier to run from that one, as I'd rather just be seen as some aloof individual that is indifferent to others and go and hide from it all (I am aloof, but my personality isn't to those I love; it's very close there). Which I did and it made me lose you. Sharing some of that pain is the hardest of things when it comes to my personal feelings, but you deserve to know it in the least as it affected you. My dreams, hopes and wishes will bring it along with me, as it's needed to be known there. I need time there all the same to do such. Chance just rolls those dice on an individual, so he carries them unseen until people see the scars, notice the behavior and he gets too close, so he runs. I think I would have been a nice person without such (following my mother), even if I'm still a good person. I hate that I mistrust and look for betrayal and feel it over things that never exist, but I recognize that now, which is how you heal.
Forever,
D
Dear you, thanks to you i was able to be the person i am today and like myself.
When i get sad over some small thing i always know it will pass and i will return to the peace of mind you gave me. I will always pray for your happiness and well being as long as i am alive. I don't care if i am childish for thinking this way because you made me a better person. That's my reality and it won't ever change.
When i get sad over some small thing i always know it will pass and i will return to the peace of mind you gave me. I will always pray for your happiness and well being as long as i am alive. I don't care if i am childish for thinking this way because you made me a better person. That's my reality and it won't ever change.
There's nothing childish about any of this, in my opinion.
To Life,
The bad guys did win over me in the end, objectively. Even if some of them lost all the same. They took my life from me even though I'm alive. Such is life. I have hope and I can still love, but they were taken even if I feel them. I can't read your horror-scope that well, so I couldn't see what actually exists, the misery, rather I saw the dreams because blind hope was the false hope that was instilled upon me by you. I don't know why you chose me like all the others you choose to carry the pain, and I don't particularly care anymore.
If you'd grant me one wish to offset all the pain you gave me, give those I have hope and love for the lives they want and health. Seems fair there, right?
D
To you,
I'm here forever, but you know that. I don't expect anything, because I know, and I'm a man lost in time due to the life I've lived, live and who I am. It's not congruent to your emotional stability. I know. You're fragile and carry your own pain; I saw that and I'm sorry that you do, and I wish I could have healed whatever it was. I'll always hope and love, because it's what I do, and can do. I'm not lost anymore, but I don't think that one matters; sometimes, there's just one window in time, and you're capable of opening or it stays closed, but I'll still dream of another universe where I could open it, because that's what I also do.
Love,
D
Dear Mother,
We just had a four minute phone conversation and I counted. Somehow you managed to drop five major stress bombs on my head, while also triggering at least three separate guilt trips and feelings of failure. I know you mean well, or at least I hope you do, but it would be great if I wasn't treated like your personal toilet. Every time this happens it sets me back for the entire day (week, month, life?) I'm tired of feeling as useless as tits on a bull but that's how you described me to your friends when I was 12. I guess it stuck.
Please call Maria instead, next time you want someone to have a silent panic attack. At least she'll defend herself.