scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-4. Really tired of people complaining whenever I try to help with anything or do things for them. I don't want to do crap for anyone at this point.

I still have the textbooks that looked most interesting when I got them (bought instead of renting), but I haven’t really done anything with them. Once I was out in the “real world,” I learned that it’s extremely hard for someone like me (not really sure what factor(s) is/are the issue, but clearly something is, since I’ve never even had a proper job interview) to even get one of the crappy part-time jobs that nobody wants to do and “anyone” (except me, evidently) can get, despite having a college degree. I wasn’t very good at anything anyway, got mediocre grades, would probably just humiliate myself at any sort of biology-related job because I didn’t know what I should have.

Deep-sea creatures are my favorite, I love learning about them (in documentaries or hitting up Google, didn’t really do anything regarding them in school, my sensory issues with temperature change and dry/wet change mean marine biology probably isn’t a great choice for me, so I didn’t take those classes).

It doesn't matter if biology doesn't yield you a job.

Why not get yourself immersed in it?

It's a lot better than the alternative.....

Can you believe it that I used to be told that it was the Abrahamic god punishing me for not being faithful enough or that the devil was invading my mind were the reasons why I was depressed? Neither conclusion is true. You are right that my emotions matter.

I think I'm starting to get to this point too.

I am sorry to hear that. I apologize if I am one of those people. I used to know someone I tried to help but he held on to his catastrophic thoughts and childish behavior to the point I eventually had to break away from him. I am going to make more of an effort to not be like him.

Last edited by Marknis on 09 Apr 2021, 6:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I loved and still do love watching documentaries on dinosaurs as well as reading up on new information on them. Most people in my area think Jurassic Park is the only source of information on them. You probably know more than those who still fall for the killer shark pop culture phenomenon just like how Jurassic Park promotes the brosaurus equivalent. Do you ever tell others your knowledge? I’ve actually got people to realize there is more to dinosaurs than pop culture.

Don't worry, it's not you. My parents always nitpick everything I do around the house and it gets frustrating. lol

I feel bad whenever I get frustrated and think like that, but sometimes you kinda do have to stop doing certain things for awhile if people are gonna complain about/nitpick it.

Yeah, any time a “killer shark” movie comes up in conversation, I pull out my shark facts, including how few shark attacks actually happen (average of eighty reported attacks worldwide per year for the past five years, I just checked to be sure my info was current). Or really any animal that has an undeserved bad reputation due to pop culture. And any creature I encounter that I have much information on. I’m probably obnoxious at summer camp when I’m telling everyone that the crane flies aren’t giant mosquitoes and the carpenter bees are unlikely to sting I take a while to get comfortable speaking with anyone, but hit the right topic and I don’t shut up

The brosaurus phenomenon makes my head spin. Do you know what the opposition to feathered dinosaurs and the harsh truth for them that birds are dinosaurs is? “Feathered dinosaurs look derpy!” Sorry, but that isn’t how nature and Darwinian evolution work. Dinosaurs didn’t evolve to be “cool”, they evolved to adapt to the world. They are living animals, not fantasy creatures.

-10, enough said, no need to repeat myself yet again, pretty sure people (including me) are very tired of it by now.

((( Hugs dnd ))) Rant all you need.

I'm 0. Kind of lethargic, kind of headachy, missing my guy, can't read because I lost my glasses, tired of housework, and need to make phone calls which I don't want to do. Shall I make a roast?

I’m not. I know your pain so you can say what you want if you wish.



I am sorry you are going through a hard time with those things. I don’t like making phone calls either. Do they hurt your ears? Would others understand if you told them you need to hang up if your ear hurts?

Can I have a hug, too?

Hugs Marknis.

It doesn't hurt my ears but I'm selective mute and don't like speaking. I also have a hard time processing what people say in real time without reading it, I never know when it's my turn to talk, and I don't know how to end a call. I also tend to repeat myself because I get nervous:

Them: Hello, Car Fixing Place ...
Me: Hi, How are you? (automatic question, stress response)
Them: ... puzzled, wondering who I am and what I want. I'm fine thanks, and you?
Me: I'm fine thanks. How are you? (duh, I already asked this)
Them: Um, fine? How can I help you?
Me: Forgets reason for call. (Thinks: Who is this? What do I want?)

Stumbles through call, bordering on meltdown if I'm put on hold with wait music or if I get flustered, needing them to repeat everything three times.

Them: Do you have a pen? I'll give you a confirmation number.
Me: A pen? Um no. I can't find my handbag. (Talks to self whilst looking and going up and down stairs)
Them: Are you still there?
Me: Yes, hang on. I found a pen.
Them: OK, the number is __________ .
Me: Wait, I can't find any paper. I can't see. I don't have my glasses.
Doorbell rings, dog barks, etc
Me: Sorry I'll have to ring you back later.

Click

I am registered with Relay / TTY services but I feel awkward using them for places that I've spoken to before. I feel like it draws attention to me when I've spoken in the past, and suddenly there's a stranger doing Relay because of my communication disabilities. I feel like the people will wonder what's going on. I do use it occasionally especially if I know I'm going to be on hold for hours (e.g., government), because I can't tolerate hold music for sensory reasons.

-.124