scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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+1/-1

Alright and slept well (rare again). Worried for her, but that's born from care and all that (that worry is nothing new. To be fair, it's more intense now). Kinda dreading the afternoon daily now with my mother; I guess the b-cells do their thing over the day and enough of that GAD and Glycine gets eaten up, and even medication can't counteract that, just limit it somewhat. Funny how autoimmune conditions tend to bring friends along like mental illness does; if you have one, decent chances you'll get another later on. Remembered to take nerve medication as face reminded me there, so yeah (just Gabapentin).

Bad thoughts created from the past leaking through trying to sabotage me. Such are the things we carry.

-10

Yeah, the bad thoughts doing a good job there. At least ma had a good evening.

Edit: too much info really (and personal in the end). I don't like talking about this PTSD. It makes me feel sick, and it's one I don't really feel any relief at all when talking about.

9. I feel like i got closer to my old friend! I had a great day

-9

Bad sleep, but that's how it goes. I feel better than I should considering, which I'll take.

-9 and blah

Avoided getting drunk or hitting the good medication for the real bad times (break glass in case the bigger broken pieces of you are breaking into smaller broken pieces because somehow that's different than just being regular broken), so I guess that's something. My old Jeep is still working fine (battery died the other week), which I guess is a positive there; it was quite traumatizing when I had to get driven to hospital by a neighbor because me a moron and I saw what the console of new Jeeps look like. Yeah, I had flashbacks of looking at smart phones and just wished I'd pass out from blood loss. Sadly, I had to endure that digital nightmare. I dream of the analogue days. They even make electric cars now. This madness has to end at some point. This is neither here nor there, but it might, because the smart phone madness got me good today, and yeah, I'm still traumatized.

Objects in the mirror may appear from another time.

Bad memories, pain, feeling disgusting, regretful, foolish, sorrowful, sorry, I'm being laughed at/mocked, remorseful, forgiving, blah, blah and the same old blah.

At my typical 7.

+2/-2 (I didn't get enough sleep last night, but somehow still woke up with more energy than usual)

8

-10

Seeing a person you care so much for crying from the pain swallows you into whatever darkness is left (she broke her leg several months ago from falling and it didn't bother her), and there's nothing you can do to take it away. This life. My turn now.

At my typical 7.

-10

The more I think of the phrase "it's better to burn out than to fade away", the more I can relate.

Until November last year, I had no idea that I was being surveilled online by certain folk. I was not intentionally being ignorant by not paying attention to people.

Um, that did cause some serious anxiety so I just decided to confront my emotional fear/exposing myself & my true feelings.

I think tonight I feel very tranquil.

+ 7

negatives, but that's the same old

New medication is coming for the one I care for here, so we'll see how that goes.

The saddest and most emotionally challenging group therapy sessions were those that mostly contained women. Hearing the violence that men inflict upon men in combat on the battlefield or streets isn't too bad to listen to. Since I'm an emotional sponge that feels too much (not that anyone knows that one since I don't show anything), I didn't go to those sad ones all that much because they were upsetting. Not that I'm a fan of group therapy (me no talk to others much), but sometimes it's good to tell things to strangers with no response out in that painful world.

I hope you're well.

A steady 6.

Started at a -5 and improved to about a 3 during a difficult day at work.
I have a strong sense of justice. Am aware of fairness. And when manipulation and deception are being employed it tends to stress me a lot.

And now, a 5.

It'll pull me through. I have a creative slump and my Depression and Anxiety try to take charge.