scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Edna3362
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19 Sep 2019, 7:18 pm

A part of me... Is always on scale of infinity over-pluses.



And is bored enough so encounter a first person negative ranges. :lol:

Nothing's the same anymore...

There's this part of me reasoned and confused; am I enlightened? Or am I not actually awake? Nope! Yes! Nope! Maybe! I dunno!
Am I just bored? I wanna cling to X, but I also don't wanna cling to X. Or that I don't care. But why? I hadn't died or had a brush with death -- or did I?
Also reasoned; I didn't went anything too traumatic, am I? That's what the sources say: this happens if one gets traumatic enough or so-so, or am I denying something?
I cannot deny them! But-- No. I'm cleaning the damn dusty basement and that creepy attic. But I'm scared! Nope. I don't care-- nope! You're running! Come back here! Whops! You cared too much!

Blablablah~



:lol: I solemnly swear that I hadn't lost my mind and I'm not crazy.
Just lucid enough to see all of this, and let it be.


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sly279
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19 Sep 2019, 10:12 pm

-10


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cathylynn
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20 Sep 2019, 1:14 am

sly279 wrote:
cathylynn wrote:
sly279 wrote:
-20

Pants I ordered don’t fit cause I’ve gainwd weight, they size 47. :( pants cost me $30 itll cost $15 to send them back. I dont know if that’s worth it or I should just keep them and hope I lose weight. I need to lose weight I don’t want to be 300 pounds :(

This is on top of the $20 I spent on pants last month only to have them tear after just 12 uses.

I’m super angry wrangler stopped making my pants. I’d worn them for 10 years. And non of the local stores sell pants for anyone over size 44.


would you like to know what strategy helped me lose weight and keep it off?

Is it working out or go to the gym?


no. i walk in the grocery up the street up and down all of the aisles most days or outdoors on nice days. but that's not a great weight loss strategy because i have to walk a mile to burn the 100 calories from a single piece of bread. what's working for me is intermittent fasting but a different scheme than aunt blabby. it's called 5/2 plan. five days per week, i eat sensibly. two days a week, i eat only 500 calories (works out to just a high-veggie dinner though if you google it, they recommend two very small meals). i have lost weight in the past by weight watchers and counting calories but couldn't keep it off because i was hungry all of the time. on the 5:2 plan, i can tolerate temporary hunger. i also tell myself that hunger is not the enemy, that i can have as much food as i need when i need it. i tell myself that a bit of hunger equals trim and fit, putting a positive spin on it. my mom fed me on a schedule when i was a baby. my needs for food and affection were subordinated to her convenience. i tended to eat a lot when i ate so i wouldn't get hungry before the next meal. now, i have two cats that love to be petted so i can get affection whenever i want it. and now, i'm the only person stopping me from eating.



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20 Sep 2019, 7:49 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
6 hour diet. no refined carbs. one cheat day per week.

Are you talking intermittent fasting? As in not eat for 18 hours and have all your food in a 6 hour time window? I've heard of the 16/8 variation of it, and it's one thing I'd consider trying when the weight loss I'm currently experiencing bottoms out. Another one is the keto diet. I don't want to lose weight too fast as I don't want to retain much loose skin when I've lost the weight, and losing weight fast leads to being left with more loose skin at the end of it. Also, I wouldn't take a cheat day myself. I think it's important that I worry about forming good habits that will last even after I've lost the weight, like only having "cheat day food" on special occasions.

the thing is, it is a lifestyle change [forever] and not a temporary "diet." that means in addition to fasting 18 hours a day 6 days a week, i also avoid within reason all refined carbs. no sugar. if i'm gonna have that yummy stuff it will be on my cheat day. the way to avoid the saggy skin is to replace it with toned muscle. daily i do core exercises for my back but it has filled in mostly where the fat useta be. also daily vigorous walks [like late for a meeting pace] up and down hills. my leg muscles are pretty hard at this point, as are my glutes. i didn't join an expensive gym, just isometrics/body weight exercises. and no refined carbs. healthy fats such as Medium Chain Triglycerides such as that found in coconut milk, that acts a lot like a carb in terms of its relatively quick metabolism.



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20 Sep 2019, 7:51 am

+9

The September Equinox is upon us!


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Marknis
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20 Sep 2019, 11:24 am

-10

I am running out of things to say here. It’s a struggle just to get even a sentence out and I have to rack my brain like crazy.



Edna3362
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20 Sep 2019, 12:09 pm

Unknown.


Reliving a 14 year old self's response... It was every time mom gets me involved in any favors with the computer.

Reliving a cycle of -15s that was being stuffed by cycles of +7s that used to take 18 hours a day for 7 days a week...

At those times, I burnt out, hard. Hard enough to quit school... And the only social support available at those times, were in an online game. I used to divulged onto it.
Yet at the same time -- mom also did, but with a different platform and on the same PC. We fought times who gets to use them. Even I did used to fight her for ever touching any damn thing about it.

Like me, sure, could've used a support, but... What mom did on those online times was... That was my reason back then, not open minded enough for these things.
It wasn't the things that ANY child is supposed to ever see or hear about THEIR OWN mother. If you got a green-minded brain, then that's what I was talking about.
My sister and I knew, and acknowledged it. But a part of me remains unforgiving, unaccepting...

Why I was so against about her getting into any relationship with any men, why I felt so frustrated whenever she asked of me helping her with computer work... And why I acted very intolerant on party noises she and everything involving her party makes.

Wasted internet and electric bills, few years wasted stuff over some spoilt kid who couldn't get her head together... Yeah.
But it was damn worth it. It was better than ending up enduring too much and killing myself in the process.


And so, last night.. I gave her my blessing about having relationship with other men.
Ended up breaking the PC's CPU I used to own. Why I was so hell bent of keeping the PC to myself, because I felt damn wary that she might've 'touched' my own world.. When I kept forbidding her from her own. I went to bed rather feeling upset...

I'm forgiving her for it... I'm moving on.
It's just a piece of hard drive with memories and daydreams. I can always replace it, make anew or find the old whenever I want to. There is no need for me to cling on it.

And tonight, she brought her own CPU to use to. Woke up at 12 midnight for it for a problem that isn't even needed fixing! Acted really frustrated then.
The very last thing I had just said by now? I offered help and.. She declined. She'll study the whole thing herself she said.
...
I had cried, and still crying... Felt awful all over the place. And something fell apart.

It's over.


Now that just did the part with mom...
What am I going to do with dad?


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AnonymousAnonymous
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20 Sep 2019, 5:27 pm

7


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cathylynn
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20 Sep 2019, 7:05 pm

Marknis wrote:
-10

I am running out of things to say here. It’s a struggle just to get even a sentence out and I have to rack my brain like crazy.

tell us more about your lovely comic-con (or whatever the meeting was) experience.



Marknis
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21 Sep 2019, 12:54 am

cathylynn wrote:
Marknis wrote:
-10

I am running out of things to say here. It’s a struggle just to get even a sentence out and I have to rack my brain like crazy.

tell us more about your lovely comic-con (or whatever the meeting was) experience.


It was surprising how so many came out for it, especially those who cosplayed. Two of the stores I go to had their own booths so it was good to see them.



graceksjp
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21 Sep 2019, 4:38 pm

-2? Cant really pinpoint why tho. Just kinda not totally great.


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flownawy
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22 Sep 2019, 9:30 am

+2

Better now from illness, slept very well for about 12 hours, but completely stressed out, no money, have to fake papers to get new money, but there is no other way. Want to move out, but have to find new place, no one answers me who i wrote, feeling lost again, no place is home, anything gets one worse, nothing comes to an end, never ending journey to darkness....

Feeling like got insane the last 6 weeks, i am completly burned out and the smallest piece of social interaction where i get not understood brings feelings up to just bet them in their faces until they falling to the ground, fukcing apes.



flownawy
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22 Sep 2019, 12:44 pm

-6 Now

I just drinked coffee since 6 hours, was surfing along things, put things on ebay and searched for enduro travelling bikes, which I got stucked on for about 3-4 hours. Cause I really want a transport thing and with that motorbikes you can also go offroad if necessary, they are also more healthy for my back than choopers would and are very rockstable.
Found the Honda XL 600 Transalp and consorts and also the Suzuki BIG 750, but the Honda does not need so much fuel, about 2l less on 100km.

Unfortunatly I don't have the 2000€ or even a paper which allows me to drive this thing legally, but I don't see that as a big problem, many people are driving for decades without papers.

So I mostly feel like in a timebubble again, it's mostly dark now again, I did do nothing to get money and now hungry again, think I will eat a Paella now and then have really to do a f*****g nightshift to get my things done and my brain right :| :|



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22 Sep 2019, 5:18 pm

-3.14
I slept in all the way until 6pm, so I wasted most of my weekend.


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22 Sep 2019, 6:17 pm

+3. Reasonably okay, illnesses mostly in check and my day has gone well though I am kinda bored.



cathylynn
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22 Sep 2019, 6:50 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
-3.14
I slept in all the way until 6pm, so I wasted most of my weekend.

i tend to do similar and i can't think of a solution.