scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

Post Reply New Topic

6. A wave of good news, though still feeling rough from the antibiotics.

6

My mom guilt-tripped not only me, but also my NT sister yet again by accusing us
of being lazy and useless.

I did my laundry, vaccummed my room and put the dishes away, isn't that enough?

negative nameless nobody that is a somebody, somewhere

Trying to be strong, going about business, but in a way, I'm hiding behind that strong man, the one I made myself who can handle things and brush them off with emptiness. His self-care kinda sucks and he's only good at specific things, like surviving. Others made the selfless person that feels too much so he hides when it gets too much. There's no real middle, so I balance them as the situation calls. Just a necessity, as you sometimes need a different mentality to cope under certain situations. Whatever works for you.

-10, but I'll likely be that for some time (other than some of those things that make me happy when I see that light), so no point mentioning it more than this one time.

5 overall, but my depressive episodes have become more frequent.

At a rare 8.

I am on my way to a nearby theater to watch the new Batman movie.

Now, here's hoping I can sit for three hours.

-5

At my typical 7.

Should be -10, but I see that someone is still around, so I'll allow myself to feel some happiness there for various reasons, and the main one is because I care (said someone made that one out of kindness). -5.

I punched myself last night, which led to a decent bruise on my face (nothing here for attention, rather this is my own therapy as I can't get any professional help right now). I'll consider this a [very] good outcome, as it's better than the other form of self-harm I do, as a bruise is innocuous. I feel like I deserve that one for failing someone (I just don't have a controlling bone in my body). I didn't sleep, but that's nothing new. Fell over again in the darkness when I turned the headlamp off for a little bit outside, which isn't really a bother, just a reminder.

0

My emotions have completely been subwooed.

48 hours without sleep and I am now floating on a mystical, ethereal hammock, in la la land, my hammock spinning towards the hot sun, on a journey from which I will not return.

I have had a half bottle of vodka & I think i can still type? Hopefully people understand this message.

*bleep*

6. Persevering through each depressive episode, but keep feeling disassociated.

It's been something of a difficult juggling act lately.

-8

At my typical 7.

1.075

-8

I probably said something wrong to someone (well, not directly said), which I tend to do. I don't mean to, but that doesn't matter. Likely a misunderstanding though. Hurting said someone is the last thing I want. Life is hard right now, but I'm managing (no choice there). Someone showed me that good things can endure and I'm probably more mature than I realize, which brightened things. I have a slight black eye from the aforementioned punch, and I see the coincidence of choosing that generic avatar #325532. Doctor tomorrow, so I can talk about things. She's kinda my psychiatrist/regular doctor combined. She'll probably tell me I need to eat more again, lol, and yeah, the eye, but she's cool in that regard.

My mother told me to stop beating myself up over things and none of it's my fault (this is regarding how I feel like I failed her). I guess I take on too much blame.

-10 this is the worst I ever felt. But God just keeps keeping me alive and it feels like torture. All I’m doing is going through the motions of life on autopilot. I don’t care anything about my future because there really might not be a tomorrow. In the past I complained about being depressed I had no clue what I was talking about. About a month from now is the anniversary of my cousin’s death which makes things even worse.