Assumptions

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Anyone up for a little commiserating? It would make me feel better to hear some "been there, done that".

The past few weeks, people are just twisting EVERYTHING around, and it's driving me nuts! I'm constantly having to clear up some wild assumption someone makes, and it's always my fault or my kids fault for not knowing the NTs would infer something crazy if I didn't preemptively explain away their weird assumptions.

For instance, my kids mentioned at a church activity that they were hungry because they wanted more of the junk food we don't buy. I mentioned to one of the other parents that they were excited because we don't normally buy that kind of food. Well, Sunday morning, I get pulled into the Bishop's office because one of the other parents heard the conversation and came to request the church give us food...because that conversation must have meant my kids are starving and haven't eaten in days because apparently we have no food of any kind in our whole house. Even after I explained it, the other parent that is so concerned about us gave my son a bag of food at the next kids' activity. She thought I was too proud to tell the bishop the truth. =/ He and the other boys just thought they were weird, but if we really were struggling that would have been awful for him!

Another with my kids. They were talking about camping as a family at 4H, and the leader pulls me aside to offer us beds....because my kids must have meant that we are all sleeping in a tent together because we don't have beds. Seriously, how do they come up with these ideas?!?!

It happens to me directly, too, just not usually as dramatically. Today was a rough one. A young lady I know was lamenting about how her family has been teasing her about getting engaged without having had sex with a large number of men. The other ladies that were with us kind of laughed it off and told her not to listen to them. I joined them, telling her that her family was being immature, and to just try to rise above their insults. Almost verbatim what the person before me said. Suddenly, the other women all became upset and said I was being judgmental and insulting. They insisted I really meant that anyone that's had sex with more than one man is immature and then just kept exaggerating it. By the time I gave up trying to clarify what I'd said, they were saying I'd made some kind of broad statements about how much I hate sex and how people only do so if they don't know any better. It was completely insane, and every time I spoke they said I was lying, then agreed that I'd said something other than what I did.

OMG, this is driving me nuts. This seems to come and go in phases, and I haven't really had to deal with it in a while so it's totally blindsided me this time around. It isn't limited to certain people, other than excluding xh and the kids. We always take each other at our word, but the rest of the world can't seem to do so. I don't understand why NTs have SOOOO much trouble with basic communication. I watch them do this kind of thing to each other all the time, too. Why do they have to invent problems all the time? I'm really nervous about any kind of social interactions right now because this seems to happen with almost every interaction the kids or I have the past couple weeks. Grrrr....

Thanks for sharing.

NM...above post changed, so mine no longer applies.

Things like that have happened to me often over the years. I finally reached the point where I don't care at all. If someone arrives at a stupid conclusion about me, I no longer even bother to try to tell them they are wrong since when you try to deny it, that just reinforces in their mind that it must be true.

You go to church, you should expect that s**t from churches, as that's what they're like.

I hate that too. Happens all the time to me and I just can't understand it. Why do NTs make such huge leaps? I say what
I mean, and it just doesn't make any sense that people take it to mean something else... And there is just no acceptable translation algorithm for when they say things and mean something more.

You mentioned that some of your problems were at church, I first applaud you for seeking spiritual fulfillment in spite of the abundance of hypocrites and well-meaning busybodies that overrun the so-called Christian sect. As a Christian, I have encountered more that my share of such. I am currently searching for a new church since I have recently moved to a new town, and am having such a hard time with it. Living in the south, people tend to be more intolerant to "weird" people and I am so worried about finding a place to belong. My old church was so great and they really accepted me the way I am. I'm afraid that I won't be able to find that again. I'm afraid that the second I let my guard down and and say something off the wall or don't understand something I just won't belong there anymore. Any advice on that front from anyone that such things matters to?

Thanks guys. You've made me feel less alone and isolated, and it helps. =) We're in a really small isolated town, which has it's ups and downs. Folks here have a real team mentality, they look out for each other and I get that the things with the kids were just that. They don't tend to be very tollerant of intentional busy bodies here, which means I don't run into that kind of thing often. They baby the snot out of autistic kids, to the point that they can rarely even leave their parent's homes as adults, though...so they are just SUPER confused by my kids and myself. I've always expected more of my kids than NT kids, not less, and they've risen to the challenge quite well. Folks are struggling to reconcile their ideas of what autism is. NTs and their wild imaginations, but I can't fault them too far because I don't think they can help it. They just can't wrap their brains around the idea that words have specific meanings.

As for advice about churches...I've moved around a lot. I spent over 5 years working as a travel writer, moving with the family from area to area around the US as I needed to. I really love where I live now, even if everyone isn't always perfect. We went to a lot of churches, and were also involved in a lot of other community organizations wherever we lived. I have to say that I haven't found churches to be much different than any other grouping of mostly NTs where I've lived. The social issues aren't because of the religion, but because they're full of *people*. I think the ones that have been the most accepting and friendly are usually the ones that happen to have a lot of autistic children attending. You could make an apt to meet with the pastor (or whatever they call the person in charge) and ask if the congregation has many active members that are autistic, and explain that you are looking for a congregation that is familiar with autism already so they will be comfortable around you (and vice versa). USUALLY, I've found the LDS churches to be the most comfortable fit. That's the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They have an extensive training program on understanding and accommodating special needs members, and most of their leaders go through it annually. If you let the leadership know you're on the spectrum, they are good about keeping it confidential (which I can't say about most other churches) and will often set people straight in their assumptions quite well. In the end though, you need to just try out different churches until you find one you feel comfortable in. Trust your gut (or the holy spirit, or your instincts, etc) and listen to it. Even if they're really welcoming...or really pressuring...don't join a congregation unless it feels right.

And if the anti-religion trolls make you uncomfortable discussing that further, please feel free to PM me any time. =D