Suicidal Thoughts: Thought I Got Over It

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OMGitsKenny
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21 Jan 2013, 2:11 am

At this point, I really don't know what to feel about it. Scared? Depressed? Angry? Indifferent? Maybe a mix of all those mentioned. One thing is for sure that I am on the road to possibly ending my life soon, or not. I haven't made a real decision yet.

I haven't felt suicidal in a good while, 2-3 years tops. Just around 6 months ago, my mind. tarted to stray into this dark area that I haven't been able to get out of. My job performance has suffered at work, my relationships with my friends have slowly been decaying, my family, in the wake of a financial disaster while dragging me with it, hasn't been able to understand why I'm this way. The last time I mentioned I was suicidal to them a couple things were said: 'You're a f*****g idiot and I won't be at your funeral' and 'if he kills himself, can I have his room?' The lack of support from my family's end and afraid to mention it anywhere else BUT here since I have a sense on anonymity with the users. Not to mention, I can't afford a hospital visit. If I don't get any support here, I won't hold it against anyone. This is just another Haven post after all, right?

Even with a possible job promotion that I'll most likely lose because 'I've been a terrible worker as of late', the possible girlfriend that my family and friends will most likely shun, and the dwindling hope that I can move out again and restart my life, I am becoming more and more convinced that putting a bullet through my head and taking the cowards way out will solve my growing problems. It'll give my mom money for bills from the family life insurance, my loans will disappear, and i can no longer be a disappointment to my friends or family. I'm sure other people have it much worse in life than I do, but I'm reaching to breaking point in mine.


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Nascaireacht
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21 Jan 2013, 4:31 am

Hi OMGitskenny,

I'm sorry to hear things seem so bad to you. It's very difficult, when the people around you aren't supportive.

You wrote some things that seem like you want to end your life by suicide, and you also wrote some things that you still feel are worthwhile, and could become reasons to decide to live. But at the moment you're in danger, because they aren't the ones you're focusing on. The reasons to live could become your focus, but you are in serious need of support outside yourself first. Have you thought of contacting a suicide support organisation? They can be very helpful and could be more local than us here on WP. I googled and spotted this: http://www.suicide.org/support-groups/s ... roups.html

Maybe you could give them a try? I know that often people on the spectrum communicate well on paper or screen when first explaining something, and some of those groups in SC included an email address. It might seem like a lot of bother, but you have already written it out to us, and could just cut and paste most of it into an email. You could always elaborate later, right now you need immediate help. I know the trouble at work seems big, but there are always ups and downs at work. If you were suicidal before, then you've been down before and come up again. I've had problems at work myself, and sprang back eventually, even times when I twice missed promotion I'd counted on, and at another jobs was outright fired. In the first case, I did get promotion eventually, and the firing from the other job led me to a better situation and headspace all round. And don't let your unsupportive family get you down. If there's a girl you think could be a possible girlfriend, then obviously there's good in you that your family haven't seen, but that she might see. Or if that doesn't come to pass, someone else might. I always found if I was being eyed up by one person, others started watching too.

Please check in here, and let us all know how you're getting on. So many others have been in your situation, it hurts to see another troubled in the same way. Don't compare your reasons with others for contemplating suicide, everyone's life is different. Please look for help from the groups listed for SC, or a local group around your area. Or someone else who won't judge you and doesn't charge - like a church leader or community mental health group. Please look for someone to help you stay safe.

http://www.suicide.org/support-groups/s ... roups.html



Tollorin
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21 Jan 2013, 1:29 pm

:( I think you should ask for professional help.