I hate myself

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I hear people on here say that I can change my life if I try hard enough. That I have potential, and would realize it if I put forth maximum effort.

This just isn't true, I can't do anything. I am broken, low functioning and a bum. I'm 27 and I haven't accomplished anything in my life.

I am slow and uneducated. I spent my entire elementary school years in special ed. I missed more than half of my 6th/7th/8th grade school years do to suspensions, bullying, and wanting to be around crowds of people. I dropped out after repeating the 9th grade twice, while in special ed.

I'm too stupid and slow to get into college, as I lack knowledge in basically anything worthwhile (politics, science, history, math, art, literature, philosophy, etc) I'm 27, borderline illiterate, and can barely do simple time-tables. It's one of the reasons no one has ever respected me in the past and I don't have any friends now whatsoever. People don't respect slow and stupid people.

I'm butt ugly, as most people have told me (male and female) throughout my life. I'm often made fun of by how my face looks, (I'll link to it in another post) and it's hard for me to make a good first impression when people can look at my face and tell something is wrong with me mentally.

I have problems talking. I stutter alot and have problems pronouncing some syllables. Combine that with the deep southern accent I have, I sound really stupid when I talk.

I also have a odor problem, going back to middle school. It's due to: me not knowing how to properly bathe, me having a gland problem, or the way my house smell due to my sister (who is 26) still having bed-wetting problems and my bathroom being rundown and dry-rotten with holes everywhere, NTM being rat infested. Probably all of the above.

It's frustrating that even after bathing I still smell, it's like having human-repellant on all the time. I get side-looks and constant "sniffs" everywhere I go.

No girl/women has ever shown interest in me dating-wise (or even as friends) because I'm so repulsive, sick, and disgusting. I'm not interesting, mysterious, good looking, smart, mentally tough, or talented in any way. Women hate me.

Most attempts to meet and ask girls out in the past resulted in extreme humiliation and ridicule.

I'm friendless, poor, and lack basic life skills. I can barely bathe myself, I can't drive, I'm 27 and I have the emotionally maturity of a 12 year old. My grandma takes of me and my sister (who has schizophrenia) like we're children.

I am a future-less, half ret*d, slow, autistic, uneducated bum, that ended up no better than my trifling, crackhead dad who tried to burn my family alive when we were babies.

I hate everything about myself, no confidence that I'm able to do anything.

I'll most likely end up dead in the next year or so (from cancer or whatever disease(s) I have right now) haven't experienced any of the joys in life at all.

Here's a picture of me

another photo

If you were anywhere near illiterate, you would not have been able to write this post. Can you join some activities for autistic people and make friends there?

Who would want to be friends with someone as ugly, stupid, slow, smelly, and disgusting as me? Regardless of whether or not they have autism.

Forgot to mention that I've had fungi growing on my body for the past 4-5 years.

I've missed out on everything: prom, first kiss, sex, dating, marriage, children, college life, friends, traveling to see my favorite sports team play, favorite band concerts, etc.


Since my health doesn't look like it;s going to get any better, It's very sombering to know that my life will end w/o experiencing any of those events.

I'll be depressed, bitter, miserable, frustrated, angry, and worst of all, alone.

You need confidence about your looks. I don't think you're ugly at all. As far as the odor problem goes it's good you figured out what is probably causing it. That's a step the right way.

She's right; you'd be amazed at how something as simple as a hat can go a long way in changing your appearance. I mean this in a supportive way - accessories can give other people something to focus on besides facial features, and it gives you a sort of identity - the guy with the cool hat - all the more that people start to give you compliments.

Another poster pointed out how you're writing and reading intelligibly enough here, I know for a fact there are online college courses galore, however you may want to explore the possibility of getting your GED online as well, as the courses may require some proof that you can understand the course material

About the body fungus issue; oatmeal bath may provide some relief. Other than that, invest in a few cans of Desinex or Tinactin athlete's foot spray and give yourself a few dousings

Not at all trying to be pedantic, hopefully something here can be of use

You are being way harsh on yourself

Reframe EVERYTHING!

There is a lot you can do with what you have.

I want you to get some style and grooming. Get some new threads, cain rows or dreds or some hair style and hit the gym.

In my life I have been told by over 20 women that my self-hatred was an insult to them and a problem.

I really hope you can see that 27 is a young age and you have many good possibilities open to you.

With regards fungi in your body, I assume you mean candida - eat less yeast!! ! No breads beer etc I had the same thing until my diet changed to Paleo.

Bless

You've done a good job on selling yourself on your own worthlessness. It's obvious you've been helped a lot there. You are not ugly and I don't think you're as stupid as you've come to believe.

Looking at your comprehensive list of faults, you seem to have an amazing understanding of yourself. You know what you need to work on but you're frustrated and feeling beat down. No surprise there.

If I was your mother or teacher, I'd encourage you to create a list of your positive points. Start with articulate. Not everyone can express themselves as well as you have here. Stop selling yourself short. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. The Bible says so and I believe this with all my heart. It's how I get through my crappy days.

He makes these types of threads all the time just to vent. I kinda don't blame him, but it is getting just a bit old.

I thought I hated myself more than anybody else hated themselves. Guess I was wrong. Hating yourself is a bad feeling, isn't it?

I'd need to work on my appearance (if that's possible), regular hygiene, being smart, learning how to drive, how to bathe properly, acting "normal", learning how to conversate and socialize with regular people w/o looking stupid and ret*d and how to flirt with women. Some things I didn't even mention.

Most people learn this stuff in their early teens. I'm 27 and I'm dumber than most 5th graders. I am a low functioning, development delayed, half-retarded, weird, pathetic loser. You people overestimate my capabilities, it me over 3 hours to write the OP. I'm not able to do this stuff.

BTW I talk nothing like I write. It's easy to write about what I feel, because I have so much time to think about what I want to say and format it.

Talking IRL is a struggle. In addiction to the stuff I post earlier, it's very hard to come up stuff I want to say on the spot and often times end up looking like a buffoon.

Thanks for the advice, but it doesn't really matter anymore. More than likely I'm going to end up dead within the next year or so due to my health problems.

It's pointless now, and all I can do now is look back on the great moments in life that I was (unfairly) unable to experience.

I have a question. What's up with the age discrepancy? In your very first thread, you said you were 20 years old. Then the next one you said you were 24 (I think?) Then 25 for a couple threads. Then 26, and now 27? I've only been on the forum a little over a year, so you being 27 somehow doesn't add up here. :S

27 is my real age. If you don't won't to believe it, it's fine.