Depressed BF

Post Reply New Topic

So my Bf is depressed and pushing me away. Hooza.

The problem is that while he says he is trying to resolve his depression by exercise, drinking tea, and eating chocolate, he is not doing something that has a huge correlation with recovery from depression, maintaining social contact, he is isolating himself. This also keeps away physical contact and there is a strong link between physical contact such as hugs, shoulder rubs etc and positive outcomes of depression.

I want to go and spend some time with him doing activities he finds enjoyable, playing some games, seeing a movie, and what not. But he does not want me to come (see pushing me way).

I hurt because he is hurting. I have been depressed before, several times and some of them severely, and finally asked for help from a psych and am doing very well on anti-depressants and I am even phasing off of them because I am doing well and handling the problems that triggered the depression in the first place. He also refuses to see a psych.

I sort of want to go down and see him even though he has expressed the opinion that he does not wish me to go. I do not know what to do.

He also has stated that he does not want his birthday presents that I was going to bring with me and I now do not know what to do with them.

I bet your feeling like this that the moment! I recommend go see him anyway because it could be real bad he might be getting suicidal!

People deal with depression in different ways. Men for example, like to deal with problems on their own. It may not be the best way, but its what they are most comfortable with. I support your initiative to help him, maybe just be persistent.

I am unsure how to help him. I want to go down in spite of his protestation but I am not sure if that will help (getting hi out of the house etc) or hurt when he said no.

edit: AspieOtaku, that is how I feel.

So the decision is to not go. I have also been urged to stop initiating communication. It has been suggested (by my behavioral psychologist) that many guys if they feel pressured will push a girl away because of some weird fear that she will leave him and for some reason it is better to push her away first either because it makes him feel like he has control or because it proves him right. It makes not sense to me but I am not the human behavior PhD. It was suggested that backing off (not completely) will make him feel more in control and he will let the relationship progress again.

Depression wise he seems more mild/moderate not severe and I am letting my bad experiences on the far side of depression influence my views. Admittedly I struggle off and on with depression (much less frequently with a psychologist, meds, and regular counseling about AS and the anxiety that comes from it) and most of the time it is mild, only twice has it been suicidal, so I do not need to go down for any suicide intervention. It is just frustrating to know how much I have improved with help and even medical intervention in the long run (no depressive episode in months, longest I have gone in a while and I have been off the anti-depressant for 3 weeks but I still have meds for anxiety and sleep) and he does not want to seek help from anyone but himself: no counseling, no friends, no doctor.

I do miss talking to him so much, and it hurts to know how awesome he is and that he does not feel it right now.

Thank you everyone for letting my express my confused feelings on the subject here and get it out of me.

For me, trying to be firm, and not get overemotional on things helped get through it after a long while. Anyway I wish you luck.

I would think forcing him to do anything would make him feel too dependent, and not very self-confident. He has to seek help on his own terms and for his own reasons. At least that is what I am more like. I have to find what made me happy, or what makes me happy. I have a lot of trouble with emotional empathy though. Not so much logical empathy.

Trying to be a little helpful.