I think someone sexually assaulted my brother.

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LennytheWicked
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27 Feb 2013, 9:16 pm

My younger brother is usually very flat, emotionally, but today he came home and cried for hours. We asked him if someone said something mean to him, and he said no. We asked him if something was hurting and he said no. I tried asking if someone hurt him - bingo, he said yes. We asked if someone hurt him at school, he said no, and then my mom mentioned that he went to a restaraunt across the street. We asked where someone hurt him and he said "bathroom." We tried asking if someone touched him inappropriately and he gestured to his mouth.

I think someone sexually assaulted him. My dad thinks someone called him "retarded," despite the fact that he said no one said anything mean to him.

What do I do in this situation?



J-P
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27 Feb 2013, 10:24 pm

ask him and call the police if this is the case



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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27 Feb 2013, 11:50 pm

It's highly helpful to win over your dad regarding this if possible. Maybe tell your dad, if someone thinks they got away with something, they are likely to try again. (or someone else who witnessed part of it may view your brother as an easy target)

Sadly, I think you've read the situation correctly. Most likely an older adolescent or adult man tried to force or trickily bully your brother to give oral sex.

I think it's worth calling the police even if your dad doesn't agree. Even if they can't make an eventual case, the fact that the police go to the restaurant and ask questions sends a warning that there are consequences to messing with your brother. And tell the police that your brother cried for hours. Tell them that he pointed to his mouth.



Esther
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28 Feb 2013, 1:00 am

How old is your brother?

Maybe you can ask him to draw what happened?

Good luck.



BlueMax
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28 Feb 2013, 1:09 am

This definitely deserves a call to the police... a skilled person should be able to help get the details out.

(There's a few quacks too... but the odds are good he'll get a social worker that cares for children.)

It's worth the call... would you want some child abuser to get some other kid (or your brother again) in the same bathroom next week?



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28 Feb 2013, 2:41 am

I agree with the others that the police need to be called, since if there was sexual abuse, it's a good chance that this person will do it again until they're finally caught.



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28 Feb 2013, 9:10 am

If this happened at school, I don't think he should go back to the school until the event is investigated and the perpetrator is caught. I hope you can convince your parents to take this very seriously. Your brother needs to trust that someone will protect him. The feeling of safety is extremely important to a child's well-being.


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BlueMax
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28 Feb 2013, 12:41 pm

Mindsigh wrote:
If this happened at school, I don't think he should go back to the school until the event is investigated and the perpetrator is caught. I hope you can convince your parents to take this very seriously. Your brother needs to trust that someone will protect him. The feeling of safety is extremely important to a child's well-being.

Another huge thumbs-up for this one. Even if you never catch the guy, your brother needs to know his family is there for him! If he doesn't get that, he'll learn he's all alone in a dangerous, cruel world.



Ann2011
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28 Feb 2013, 2:47 pm

Try talking to your brother without your parents around. He may open up to you. If he was assaulted then the police should know.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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01 Mar 2013, 6:29 pm

If a person goes to the police to report himself or herself being victimized, whether it's sexual assault, domestic violence, threatening behavior by someone or some other situation, there can be this awkward dynamic in which the police officer is seemingly telling the steps involved in making a report but is also subtly (or not so subtly) trying to discourage the person from making the formal report. I think the police officer does this to reduce case load, and also probably because he or she does want to be criticized by fellow officers for taking a case unlikely to result in prosecution or conviction.

Now, if the person who was victimized instead goes to the police with a friend or family member acting as a low-key advocate, that is likely to change the dynamic. The police officer is considerably more likely to take it seriously and considerably more likely to be professional in a good way.

This is not a hundred percent of course. But I do think it substantially puts the odds more in the person's favor. (If a friend or family member is not available, I think taking in a written one-page or one half page summary also increase the odds, but probably not as much.)

================

And so with your brother, you might be able to act as his advocate if it comes to it, if you're his best possibility, even if you're not yet 18. Of course it will be better if his advocate is an adult. And probably better still if his advocate is an older family member (unfair, but probably most likely the case).

The first step is to get the police officer's attention and get him or her to take the situation seriously. Brother cried for hours, said "bathroom," etc.

And once you've said enough, or if your social read of the situation is that it's obvious that the police officer is taking it seriously, then ask for what you want. Maybe something like, Even if an officer just goes to the restaurant and asks questions, even if you can't eventually make a case, just seriously asking questions, sends a message that there are consequences to messing with my brother. And hopefully, will make future abuse less likely.

Best wishes for a difficult situation.



ASDsmom
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01 Mar 2013, 8:36 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Sadly, I think you've read the situation correctly. Most likely an older adolescent or adult man tried to force or trickily bully your brother to give oral sex.


This came to mind too. Poor guy. Call police, most definitely. They'll be able to help him and offer resources.



rapidroy
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01 Mar 2013, 9:16 pm

While its still fresh its good to record the date and time of the visit to the resturant that way the security camera if one was installed can ID the potential suspect(s), is important to get that kind of evidence before its discarded, I take it your brother is autistic or very young.



AngelKnight
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02 Mar 2013, 7:49 am

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
If a person goes to the police to report himself or herself being victimized, whether it's sexual assault, domestic violence, threatening behavior by someone or some other situation, there can be this awkward dynamic in which the police officer is seemingly telling the steps involved in making a report but is also subtly (or not so subtly) trying to discourage the person from making the formal report. I think the police officer does this to reduce case load, and also probably because he or she does want to be criticized by fellow officers for taking a case unlikely to result in prosecution or conviction.

Now, if the person who was victimized instead goes to the police with a friend or family member acting as a low-key advocate, that is likely to change the dynamic. The police officer is considerably more likely to take it seriously and considerably more likely to be professional in a good way.


Enlightened self-interest. Think: a second witness to the behavior of the cop.



CockneyRebel
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03 Mar 2013, 8:46 pm

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LennytheWicked
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16 Mar 2013, 6:34 am

We weren't able to figure out what actually happened, the police have done nothing.

The school has agreed not to take him back to Wendy's or leave him unsupervised around this area, and I taught him how to wind someone (how to find and hit the solar plexus).

Sam can't talk, by the way, he has really bad motor dysfunction.

He seems to have recovered emotionally but I can't be sure.



John_Browning
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16 Mar 2013, 11:26 am

LennytheWicked wrote:
We weren't able to figure out what actually happened, the police have done nothing.

The school has agreed not to take him back to Wendy's or leave him unsupervised around this area, and I taught him how to wind someone (how to find and hit the solar plexus).

Sam can't talk, by the way, he has really bad motor dysfunction.

He seems to have recovered emotionally but I can't be sure.

Can he make a crude, even stick figure sketch of what happened? Just because he's acting fine doesn't mean he is in the long term and may need serious help!


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