Hating my Aspergers and jealousy.

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Ann2011
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18 May 2013, 4:42 pm

I think most guys watch porn. Men are very visual sexually. It's really no big deal. In fact, I think it's pretty normal. I would watch it myself except it's usually pretty silly (except for some of the anime stuff, which I quite like.)

"The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."



girly_aspie
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18 May 2013, 5:15 pm

I think it's a really hard thing to rationalize that a guy can masterbate to a sexy woman and NOT be thinking of having sex with her? That just sounds ... wildly inaccurate to me. Then why need it at all?


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Greatsharkbite
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18 May 2013, 5:21 pm

A lot of guys are visual... no correction, the human is visual. Once again--you can determine whatever rules you want in your relationship, emo. Its your relationship how you react to it is entirely justifable--if the relationship ends, its not justifiable.

I almost wish this topic wasn't in the haven--this whole men loving porn star things is something i'd love to debate--its debasing and demeaning.

Men might love the fantasy--men might love the thought of sex, mens brains might notice a visual cue sooner, thats all.

When I was in 4th grade, I barely knew what boobs were, my mom was the asexual mom of the year and they still popped out at me.

Sorry, go slap ten year old Greatsharkbite (me) in the face for noticing girls had bigger chests than guys. Go slap a guy for glancing at a girl with a deep-v halter top with lots of cleavage sported, and then tell me that a girl wouldn't stare at a guy wearing jockstrap with a bulging "package".

Its what society allows--but yeah don't tell me "Nah, I wouldn't look"." Its not like guys gawk-- thats disrespectful definitely. But glance? Stuff happens, its human nature on both sides.

As far as porn if he wanted the image that bad--he'd dump you and look at porn.

Anyway. Physicality is overrated--putting too much emphasis on it is a bad thing. You're asking what if he goes to a strip club if its okay and what the limits are? Strip clubs are real people. If you feel the images he looks at, he has an attachment to and it makes you uncomfortable as heck in your relationship--it needs to be stopped. That said--you're comparing yourself to an very imperfect standard of beauty. Them being attractive--does not make you "not" attractive.

It is not the fact that you have an issue with the fact that he watches porn that is disconcerting--its your own image and view of yourself which is. It isn't good.



Last edited by Greatsharkbite on 18 May 2013, 5:48 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Greatsharkbite
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18 May 2013, 5:33 pm

girly_aspie wrote:
I think it's a really hard thing to rationalize that a guy can masterbate to a sexy woman and NOT be thinking of having sex with her? That just sounds ... wildly inaccurate to me. Then why need it at all?


I guess--if lesbian porn (which is generally made for men) was an example--a guy is non-participatory, he can't swap out with either girls he's seeing in the porn video. It is sheerly the fantasy.



Ann2011
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18 May 2013, 5:38 pm

Greatsharkbite wrote:
. . . and then tell me that a girl wouldn't stare at a guy wearing jockstrap with a bulging "package".

I wish this happened more often.

People look at other people and fantasize. That's just life. Sometimes when I'm having sex with my partner I'm thinking about someone else. It's not going to happen, but I can still think about it. And it doesn't change my relationship. The thing is ... no one can be another's everything. It's just not possible.



nessa238
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18 May 2013, 5:40 pm

I like 'Game of Thrones' and I can see what you mean about all the nudity but I don't mind as I see it as part of the type of story it is ie it pulls no punches and shows people how they really are ie nasty, violent and sex obsessed!

I see it as important to expose yourself to what life and people are really like as if you try and hide from it you aren't accepting reality. It's like a kind of toughening up of yourself if you are sensitive. I'd describe 'Game of Thrones' as nasty but good.
It is softcore porn and seems to occur in all these HBO/Sky Atlantic type dramas these days as this is what the audience likes.
I don't think it's gratutious though, more in keeping with the whole tone of the story.

I watch it with a male friend so it doesn't bother me if he's drooling over any of the women but if I was watching it with a partner I
would be a bit put out by the level of interest he showed in the women but it's what men do with porn on their own anyway so you can't really exert that level of control over a person - men like looking at attractive naked women - that's just how they operate and some women earn their money by taking their clothes off for the viewing public - I'd say that's rather a demeaning way to be earning a living so the woman watching fully clothed at home is in the stronger position than the naked actress I'd say. That's how I see it anyway so I don't feel threatened by it and anyway what could I realistically do if my partner wanted to run off with an acress out of GoT?? (which is pretty unlikely and I'd find it more amazing than upsetting I think! lol) Part of life is accepting that you can't control other people, you just have to try and enjoy their presence in your life while it lasts as if you get all controlling, possessive and jealous it could end up driving them away.


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Dantac
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18 May 2013, 9:08 pm

girly_aspie wrote:
I think it's a really hard thing to rationalize that a guy can masterbate to a sexy woman and NOT be thinking of having sex with her? That just sounds ... wildly inaccurate to me. Then why need it at all?


Its visual stimulus. Notice how porn videos give the woman's face so little 'air time' ? Its because the male attention span is in other places when watching porn. We dont think of 'her' we think of her body as a thing that brings gratification through said fantasy.

Why is it needed? Stimulus. Gets the blood flowing. Same thing as to why women need all the romancing/foreplay/etc to 'get ready' to have sex while a guy just needs to see a naked woman and we're ready to go. Now.



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18 May 2013, 9:31 pm

girly_aspie wrote:
I think it's a really hard thing to rationalize that a guy can masterbate to a sexy woman and NOT be thinking of having sex with her? That just sounds ... wildly inaccurate to me. Then why need it at all?


Thought police,but they are just thoughts.But I do think they are imagining having sex with the fold out girl.And if her face was not important,why don't the porn stars wear bags over their heads :lol: But everyone has fantasies,that does not mean you would ever do it.
And fighting never makes someone behave better,it makes them resentful.And then they don't want to come home.Who wants to be [email protected]&ed at 24/7??


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18 May 2013, 11:14 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
"The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."




OooooooOOOooooo! The force is strong with this one! :twisted:



Keni
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19 May 2013, 3:29 am

Insisting someone change their personal likes and dislikes to suit you usually goes one of two ways.
Failure and fighting, or success and resentment.

You have every right to dislike a behaviour, but it doesn't sound as if he wants you to be in total control of his personal sexuality.
It might save a lot of future distress if you chose a partner with views that match yours.



Ann2011
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19 May 2013, 5:06 am

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
. . . the other a bare pair of breasts at least 1.5 cup sizes better than mine.

It's not the size that makes them better ... there's all kinds of factors to the beauty of breasts. But because one thing is beautiful does not mean that another isn't. Both things can be beautiful and desirable.

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I began crying uncontrollably and told him how he was a liar for claiming mine were perfect and saying yoga pants were distasteful.

Perfection is not exclusive. And yoga pants are distasteful - TMI.

Quote:
To top it off he got upset and said I made him feel like a "piece of sh** stereotype" because I said all that
You're blaming him for what is going on in his mind; of which you can't even be sure. The human body is beautiful and his pictures don't sound that bad. It could be that you are having bouts of paranoia. Just speculation from my own experience ... But sometimes I've noticed myself assign meaning to things my partners have done that upon reflection (and medication) just really aren't there.

As for GoT . . . Do you remember the scene where the older whore teaches the younger one to "freely express her pleasure." Well, I didn't know it was that raunchy at the time, and my friend and my Mom were watching it. Talk about embarrassing. Not mother/daughter material.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, but one can't have everything - spend your energy on enjoying what you do have.



EmoGlambertAspie
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19 May 2013, 10:43 pm

I've been using an inhaler called Dulera and my mother pointed out that I've been more anxious about things like this since I started it. Sure enough, I researched the symptoms and amxiety is one of them. It makes sense; while I've always been against pornography if someone is in a relationship, I never would get sick to my stomach over it before. So now I'm wondering about that too. My boyfriend has been extremely understanding and told me he doesn't need porn to masturbate, that it was a habit he had from being single, and after I asked him he said he doesn't resent me feeling this way because he understands. While he's secure about his body, I have done things like horsing around with the guys I mentioned earlier which, while not a threat to the relationship because the guys were gay, upset him and made him feel uncomfortable. So at least there's understanding and acceptance from him.


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19 May 2013, 11:44 pm

Dantac wrote:
girly_aspie wrote:
I think it's a really hard thing to rationalize that a guy can masterbate to a sexy woman and NOT be thinking of having sex with her? That just sounds ... wildly inaccurate to me. Then why need it at all?


Its visual stimulus. Notice how porn videos give the woman's face so little 'air time' ? Its because the male attention span is in other places when watching porn. We dont think of 'her' we think of her body as a thing that brings gratification through said fantasy.

Why is it needed? Stimulus. Gets the blood flowing. Same thing as to why women need all the romancing/foreplay/etc to 'get ready' to have sex while a guy just needs to see a naked woman and we're ready to go. Now.


That's why I prefer classic porn much more than the s**t porn of these modern days. But even that can get quite nasty.



Ann2011
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20 May 2013, 12:34 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
I've been using an inhaler called Dulera and my mother pointed out that I've been more anxious about things like this since I started it. Sure enough, I researched the symptoms and amxiety is one of them. It makes sense; while I've always been against pornography if someone is in a relationship, I never would get sick to my stomach over it before. So now I'm wondering about that too.


From Drugs.com:
"Nervous system side effects have included excessive beta-adrenergic stimulation which has been associated with seizures, nervousness, headache, tremor, dizziness, fatigue, malaise, and insomnia."
I'm very sensitive to drugs myself. A couple of times I've used an inhaler and it made me feel quite strange. Not sure what brand it was.



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22 May 2013, 6:31 pm

I went to the doctor this morning and she said to quit the Dulera because of all the bad side effects like anxiety, headaches, weight loss and long periods (as in three weeks) outweighing any help - I don't really need it unless I have an asthma attack more than twice a week and I've had maybe three since I was diagnosed at age 14. So that should help. But now I'm paranoid because of what he said about how he wishes my butt was bigger and how he wants me to gain weight. I got a couple new swimsuits but I don't want to wear them anyplace with him because the thought of me coming out of a lake to see him gawking wide-eyed at, drooling over or especially talking to some (to him) gorgeous chunky girl with her big ass in a thong makes me feel scared and sad and repuslive. I used to be fine with how I looked until all this "real women have curves, only dogs want bones" nonsense started. I feel as if I have to gain 50 lbs for him to truly desire me in every way.


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