Hating my Aspergers and jealousy.

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EmoGlambertAspie
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18 May 2013, 11:57 am

It's A and B, not meaning to brag. And I don't see what's so wrong with me being upset if he wants to have sex with another girl? Even my friend who's a psych major graduating today said I should be enough for my boyfriend and he shouldn't be thinking about wanting to f**k other girls. Again, a conniving, shallow behavior is supposed to be laughed off as "a guy thing!". What next? If he goes to a strip club and does everything but penetration should that be laughed off as "a guy thing!" too? What is too much?!


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18 May 2013, 12:25 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
It's A and B, not meaning to brag. And I don't see what's so wrong with me being upset if he wants to have sex with another girl? Even my friend who's a psych major graduating today said I should be enough for my boyfriend and he shouldn't be thinking about wanting to f**k other girls. Again, a conniving, shallow behavior is supposed to be laughed off as "a guy thing!". What next? If he goes to a strip club and does everything but penetration should that be laughed off as "a guy thing!" too? What is too much?!

I wonder too, if it is a guy thing or if it is only a thing to certain guys? I would sincerely hope that not all guys have this mindless reaction to females in general, and that there are sensitive thoughtful guys out there who are grateful to be in a relationship. Now I am confused... :?


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18 May 2013, 12:26 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
My uy watching porn and all used to bother me so bad. Then I thought about it. My philosophy now is watch all the porn you want. Then on top of that, take your butt out there and try to get one of those porn girls. Try as hard as you can too.

Then see what happens.

That's what I'm saying. Cause it doesn't happen.

:lol:


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18 May 2013, 12:27 pm

Here's something you're not realizing... when a man gets off on porn, he's usually NOT planning or fantasizing about anyone in particular. PLEASE stop placing your thoughts in his head.

But since you're STILL obsessing about it to the point of neurosis, why not give him some nude & sexy pictures of yourself to "take the edge off" when he's horny and you're not around?

If you object to that too, the situation is hopeless.



EmoGlambertAspie
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18 May 2013, 12:34 pm

@BlueMax I have several times on his phone but he made up a flimsy excuse about "not wanting them on his computer" and that's supposedly why he looks at porn. Why can't he just use his phone? It has a big screen for Matt's sake!

(I use Matt Shepard and Harvey Milk's names in place of Jesus/God/Mary/Joseph because gay rights is the closest thing I have to religion and because they were martyrs too - "Jesus, Harvey and Matthew! ")


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18 May 2013, 12:40 pm

ceruleanblue wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
My uy watching porn and all used to bother me so bad. Then I thought about it. My philosophy now is watch all the porn you want. Then on top of that, take your butt out there and try to get one of those porn girls. Try as hard as you can too.

Then see what happens.

That's what I'm saying. Cause it doesn't happen.


That's hilarious. My thinking is, though, that to me, they already know they can't get a girl like that. I remember yelling at an old boyfriend of mine (who was a loser anyway) that I knew he'd never actually be with one of those porn girls like he promised ... because he couldn't get one to look twice at him.

But what bothers me about it is they KNOW they can't get those girls, and that's why I felt he was dating me, so he could think about THEM and use me like a blow up doll because I was the "average" girl that he COULD get. Nothing like being settled for to crush your soul. I find it disgusting.


It's ironic, but many (not sure if most) guys would not consider a pornstar a desirable soulmate because too many people saw her private parts and doing things you're supposed to keep for one special person (=them).



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18 May 2013, 12:50 pm

BlueMax wrote:

If you object to that too, the situation is hopeless.


So if she doesn't like him getting off to other women, and she won't send him naked pictures of herself then she's the screw up? I can't agree with you there. What you said sounds to me like "well if you're not going to let him have sex objects, and you're not going to be his sex object, then you're being unreasonable".


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EmoGlambertAspie
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18 May 2013, 1:00 pm

@girly_aspie I personally want to be objectified at certain times. It means I'm completely sexually attractive to the other person. I don't want to only be valued for that but it feels great at the appropriate times.


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18 May 2013, 1:17 pm

It's pretty messed up to think of masturbating as "objectifying" anything - male OR female. :roll:

I can understand not wanting pics on the phone... you need two hands to do what he wants to do... how does one hold the phone too?

Not wanting the pics on his computer though? Could be a million things... ever ask him WHY (instead of forcing the option of phone because YOU prefer it.) Maybe other people use that computer and he doesn't want others to see... maybe you're just not taking good pictures of yourself and you should ask HIM to take the pics instead?

I just don't like seeing the guy being painted as a villain for being completely human - being turned on at the sight of an attractive person. That's normal for anyone - male or female. That doesn't make him bad.
If you're the only one he's with, that's what really counts. To force him to never masturbate again because it makes you all scared, or to never even look at anyone that may cross his path or pop up on TV? That's unhealthy, insane jealousy that'll ruin your life and anyone who dates you. Not just you, Emo, but all other "supporters" who feel the same way - including my ex-wife.

You don't know he's fantasizing about anyone, so imagining the many things he MIGHT be thinking (especially if you assume the worst) will only drive you insane with rage, jealousy and pain brought on by something you only imagined! It never even happened but you're mad anyway!!

Stinking thinking.

It's the most self-destructive thing a person can do (short of drugs & alcohol.)

I really hope you can beat that problem - your life would be SO much happier without seething in anger and fear from the endless imaginary offences the brain can come up with!



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18 May 2013, 2:05 pm

He has told me it's no problem for him to masturbate WITHOUT porn. That's all I'm asking. At least then whatever woman is in his mind and he isn't looking at a picture, imagining how soft a girl's breasts would be in his hands and etc. His computer is his alone - nobody else uses it. Is it really all that evil of me to only want him to see MY private parts?


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Last edited by EmoGlambertAspie on 18 May 2013, 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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18 May 2013, 2:36 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
It's A and B, not meaning to brag. And I don't see what's so wrong with me being upset if he wants to have sex with another girl? Even my friend who's a psych major graduating today said I should be enough for my boyfriend and he shouldn't be thinking about wanting to f**k other girls. Again, a conniving, shallow behavior is supposed to be laughed off as "a guy thing!". What next? If he goes to a strip club and does everything but penetration should that be laughed off as "a guy thing!" too? What is too much?!


Bolded the part where its your obsessive jealousy/body image issue/whatever it is that is causing all this friction. You're instantly assuming that:

1- something may be wrong with you
2- he wants to have sex with another girl

...and thing is, all this just because he watches porn. Look, if you tell me that he has porn all over his room and he watches porn 24/7 and constantly compares you to porn stars then yes, I would say he's got a problem and you're perfectly justified to feel #1 and #2. But it seems from what you describe that he, like ANY OTHER GUY on this planet with an internet connection, does visit a porn site every now and then. Why? Visual stimulus and his girl aint around. Believe it or not, it is very hard to fantasize and objectify one's girlfriend as a 'quickie f**k toy' when the guy just needs to gets his rocks off. That is where porn comes in..it provides that outlet. With that said, would nudie/triple-x rated pics of you get him horny? SURE it will. But will he be able to use them to jack off? Maaybe not as much. When you already know the real thing its kind of a turn down to try and fantasize it.

but here's the thing... you're constantly nagging him about your boobs, about him looking at other girls, about him having porn on the computer, about him doing anything that might be remotely related with him thinking about anything except you. Don't you find that a little obsessive? How do you think he feels about this? How long do you think he can put up with it?



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18 May 2013, 2:58 pm

Dantac wrote:
but here's the thing... you're constantly nagging him about your boobs, about him looking at other girls, about him having porn on the computer, about him doing anything that might be remotely related with him thinking about anything except you. Don't you find that a little obsessive? How do you think he feels about this? How long do you think he can put up with it?


She wrote earlier that he's been on the edge of leaving for some time now. That constant badgering/nagging/freaking out is a great way to drive someone away - or straight into the arms of someone less abrasive.



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18 May 2013, 3:41 pm

@Dantac You're contradicting yourself saying I shouldn't assume he wants to f**k someone else and then saying he imagines those other women as "quickie f**k toys". If he's watching porn and imagining having sex with them, he wants to have sex with them. Also, I don't care if he thinks of things besides me as lo g as he isn't wanting to sleep with another girl. I ask again. IS. IT. SO. WRONG. FOR. ME. TO. BE. HURT. THAT. HE. WANTS. OTHER. WOMEN?


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18 May 2013, 3:53 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
@Dantac You're contradicting yourself saying I shouldn't assume he wants to f**k someone else and then saying he imagines those other women as "quickie f**k toys". If he's watching porn and imagining having sex with them, he wants to have sex with them. Also, I don't care if he thinks of things besides me as lo g as he isn't wanting to sleep with another girl. I ask again. IS. IT. SO. WRONG. FOR. ME. TO. BE. HURT. THAT. HE. WANTS. OTHER. WOMEN?


That's the point countless others have tried to make... HE DOESN'T WANT OTHER WOMEN. It's all in your head - you're hating him for stuff YOU imagine he's thinking.

Of course, this is what I've tried to convince you of for the last six months... it seems you really, really don't want to believe it, and would rather bully him into doing everything you want rather than changing the way you think of other people.



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18 May 2013, 4:04 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
@Dantac You're contradicting yourself saying I shouldn't assume he wants to f**k someone else and then saying he imagines those other women as "quickie f**k toys". If he's watching porn and imagining having sex with them, he wants to have sex with them. Also, I don't care if he thinks of things besides me as lo g as he isn't wanting to sleep with another girl. I ask again. IS. IT. SO. WRONG. FOR. ME. TO. BE. HURT. THAT. HE. WANTS. OTHER. WOMEN?


No, however it is wrong for you to assume and convince yourself that he wants to sleep with other women. Porn is merely a fantasy not a reality. Going to a stripper is a reality not a fantasy. Big difference.

There is also a huge difference between a guy masturbating to porn (aka other naked women) and wanting to sleep with them. In the guy's mind he wants to ejaculate. Thats the overriding need. To achieve that in a short time span and without actual female companion (aka, stimulation of being with her) the fantasy part comes in. Its no different from when you do it. However as a guy I'm telling you that it is difficult to fantasize about having sex with a girl that you actually have sex with. So we use porn... and that doesn't mean we're jacking off thinking 'mmm I want to do this porn girl so much more than the girl I actually do' ..no... its just a no-emotional attachment, lust-induced quick fantasy that gets the job done. After its done you can bet the guy actually wishes HIS girl was there with him right now (cuddles! you cant fantasize them up!).

That no-emotional attachment fantasy is precisely the 'quickie f**k toys' part i refer to and why its so hard for a guy to put the girl he loves into that role even in a fantasy. Its degrading and it just doesn't feel right.

Finally, you said 'IS. IT. SO. WRONG. FOR. ME. TO. BE. HURT. THAT. HE. WANTS. OTHER. WOMEN?' ... you are assuming he WANTS other women. He doesn't. He's with you. If he didn't want you he wouldn't be with you. He will want to be and will be with another girl once your issues become too much for him to handle and leave.

I'd hate for that to happen. He clearly loves you.

Please, please get help. You're smart, you're sizzlin' hot...you deserve to be happy and you never will be no matter what guy you are with as long as you don't deal with your self-image & insecurity/jealousy.



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18 May 2013, 4:42 pm

I think most guys watch porn. Men are very visual sexually. It's really no big deal. In fact, I think it's pretty normal. I would watch it myself except it's usually pretty silly (except for some of the anime stuff, which I quite like.)

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