Has Anyone Ever Thought About Taking a Journey to Start Anew

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Smolderin
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02 May 2013, 7:36 pm

Long story short, I am 21 and I already hate where I am. I hate college, I hate my job, I dislike my family...overall I am a completely miserable person. Here's the thing, I want to break out....break out of being me and become an entirely new person....and it's kind of hard to explain, but I feel as if staying here in this house, this same house I lived in for over a decade...this damned county is making it difficult for me to do so. All the bad memories my head seems to incessantly obsess over, it all comes from living here.

Anyways, as a result of my absolute need to get out of this place, to get out of my parents home, to get away from my job, and most importantly away from the memories, I've started to seriously consider to just cut all of my losses, sell EVERYTHING, gather enough money to last me some time, and just start traveling north by bus....car...or whatever transportation is available for the sole purpose of trying to rediscover what I know I have lost, and two....actually find a place worth calling home.

Would I be running away from my problems? I don't know, it's up to the eye of the beholder, but I don't see it as running away so much as I see it as a journey to find myself....cause I know without a shadow of a doubt that the person staring back at me in the mirror isn't me. It can't be....he looks so miserable...pathetic even...which makes no sense because I know the person staring back at me is capable of so much more than that. Yet I have made attempts to try and change myself, when it all comes crashing back down around me. It's like...either I go big or go home. If I am going to commit to this...I am going to commit to this...there would be no doubt in my mind and no amount of begging from my family is going to stop me.

What do you guys think about that? Have you ever thought of doing something that insane as well? To take extreme measures in order to get a better you out of well....You? What do you think about these thoughts?

((Don't know about the relevancy of this but yes, I do have Asperger's Syndrome....))



BuyerBeware
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02 May 2013, 8:34 pm

Thought about it more than once.

Tried to reinvent myself in high school-- moved 30 miles to a place where only 2 people knew me. Went to great lengths. Epic fail!

Spent a week driving around West Virginia thinking about who I wanted to be when I was 19. That was at least fun.

Tried to reinvent myself at college. Epic fail!

Married someone from far away and moved 1,000 miles away. Found a more accepting community in Garfield, Arkansas, of all places. Still an epic fail!!

Moved home-ish, hoping maybe I could recover a few shreds of the good stuff I'd had (grandparents for the kids, like that). Complete and total epic fail!

Look-- get shut of your family if you think you really want to-- let the record show that I told you you will likely regret it in 10 years' time, but they might be psychos or something for all I know-- but get shut of them if that's really what you think you want.

Go someplace and start over??? A phrase for you to ponder: Where-ever you go, there you are. Doesn't matter if you are running from your problems or not. You will be the same old you with the same old problems ANYWHERE.


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02 May 2013, 8:34 pm

I don't know what your problems are.. but regardless, yeah I don't see an issue with making a big change if you think it'd be helpful in the long run.

Sometimes the environment we're apart of is toxic--and no matter what potential we have--its almost consistently muffled out due to the toxicity.

So yeah.. none of the bullshit helps, unsympathetic parents, lousy ass job or teachers, unappreciative friends, if the help or the pros of your environment are nowhere near its time to go.

Even the ease of having someone "pay" for my housing and food expenses, was nowhere near the energy and drive i'd get from not being around them--I don't get anything from talking to them--no happiness, nothing fulfilling, no useful advice, no maternal warmth.. yep, definitely was time for me to go.



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02 May 2013, 8:35 pm

I was going to drive someones RV across country for them.. but I chickened out. =)

The deal is usually they fly you there or back, and I didn't have my paperwork ready to go on time.. for the flight.



Smolderin
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02 May 2013, 8:48 pm

Greatsharkbite wrote:
I don't know what your problems are.. but regardless, yeah I don't see an issue with making a big change if you think it'd be helpful in the long run.

Sometimes the environment we're apart of is toxic--and no matter what potential we have--its almost consistently muffled out due to the toxicity.

So yeah.. none of the bullshit helps, unsympathetic parents, lousy ass job or teachers, unappreciative friends, if the help or the pros of your environment are nowhere near its time to go.

Even the ease of having someone "pay" for my housing and food expenses, was nowhere near the energy and drive i'd get from not being around them--I don't get anything from talking to them--no happiness, nothing fulfilling, no useful advice, no maternal warmth.. yep, definitely was time for me to go.


Your situation and example given tells me your probably the person to talk to out of everyone who has posted so far. Your example of how you left your home cause you weren't getting the necessary things to further one's happiness and success mirrors my situation. I don't have many good friends, my parents aren't supportive or warm to me anymore, etc.....

Any advice on how to go about separating myself from that based on your own experiences?



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02 May 2013, 8:56 pm

Well I'm about to start anew, but in an entirely different manner than you describe (I have a job that's going to send me potentially across the country). I would recommend that if you do want to get away from everything, you need to have a plan. For example, you need to know where you're going to go, have a job lined up, have your budget figured out, etc. If you just hop on a train and hope for the best, it's likely that you'll wind up penniless and desperate, and honestly you may find yourself in worse shape than you're in now. This is a really big decision and it does require a great deal of thought and planning.

Also you mentioned college, how far towards your degree are you? Once you drop out of college, it can be difficult sometimes to get back in and you may have to jump through a few hoops, so just make sure you are prepared for that. If you're already relatively far along you probably want to either finish your degree now or make certain that you can come back and complete your degree at a later date.



Smolderin
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02 May 2013, 9:10 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
Well I'm about to start anew, but in an entirely different manner than you describe (I have a job that's going to send me potentially across the country). I would recommend that if you do want to get away from everything, you need to have a plan. For example, you need to know where you're going to go, have a job lined up, have your budget figured out, etc. If you just hop on a train and hope for the best, it's likely that you'll wind up penniless and desperate, and honestly you may find yourself in worse shape than you're in now. This is a really big decision and it does require a great deal of thought and planning.

Also you mentioned college, how far towards your degree are you? Once you drop out of college, it can be difficult sometimes to get back in and you may have to jump through a few hoops, so just make sure you are prepared for that. If you're already relatively far along you probably want to either finish your degree now or make certain that you can come back and complete your degree at a later date.


After I was fired from a job a year ago, I spiraled into a depression. I lost all motivation to find another job and just sat in my room 24/7 staring at the ceiling, living off of unemployment. Because of this, I could no longer to afford the commute to college and thus I had to drop out. I am now in another job because I decided to stop being so miserable (apparently deciding to stop being miserable doesn't equate to you stopping being miserable), and it allowed me the briefmotivation to find a job. Originally, the plan was to get back in college and continue towards what I was working towards because I was already half way through...

But really...what the hell is the point? I don't even want to go to college, I only went to college cause the parents were all "Go to college or you don't live here anymore"....(which i found to be an empty threat) I only went because it was my parents expectations, but as with high school...I hated every second of it. I would only go back for the obligation of finishing what I started and not wasting the money but I find that even that reason is falling by the way-side. I already screwed myself over with financial aid, and now whether I finish or not, Ill be in debt for years. And If I do finish,,,,what do I get? A piece of paper to stick on the wall that becomes more and more useless with every year? No thank you...it's not even the career I wanted to get into in the first place.

Right now...I find more and more that the my desire leans more towards escaping my current living arrangements than worrying about how happy I am in a future career. I'll go back to college when I am happy and have the motivation to actually take it seriously.



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02 May 2013, 9:31 pm

A friend of the kids, when he was about 23 or so, saved up some money and him and a friend drove the friends old junky car from the Deep South to almost the Canadian border. They took camping equipment and some money and some canned food and stopped and worked where they could, day labor type stuff, for cash. They got there, camped out for a while somewhere, found more day labor work, met people, got an apartment with several of them, got better jobs, got better and separate apartments, and are doing great.

I'd say if you are gonna do it, take a friend, have a plan and a place to go, and do it in the spring so you can camp out and not have to pay for a hotel.


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redrobin62
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02 May 2013, 9:44 pm

I've redefined myself a few times.
1. I went to college in Iowa for 2 and a half years. Waste of time.
2. I rode my bike from NYC to upstate NY and stayed there for about 4 years. Waste of time.
3. I went with a friend to Rhode Island for about a year and a half. Waste of time.
4. I drove from Rhode Island to L.A. to be a screenwriter. I stayed there for 2 and a half years. Waste of time.
5. I went back to upstate NY and moved in with a girl. Waste of time.
6. I drove down to Nashville and stayed there for 6 months. Waste of time.
7. I drove over to Seattle from Nashville. That was seven years ago. and I'm still here.

Of course there were periods of psych hospitalizations, drug abuse, homelessness, suicidal ideations, homeless shelters, food kitchens & pantries, self-help agencies, etc. What's that song by Elton John? Oh yeah. I'm Still Standing. (Yeah, yeah, yeah).



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02 May 2013, 10:15 pm

I did that 4 years ago and it's been worth it. :)


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02 May 2013, 10:34 pm

Go for it. In my opinion the best part of life is in doing new things, taking risks, learning and growing as a person, and if you're stagnating where you are and are miserable then you are wasting time.


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Greatsharkbite
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03 May 2013, 1:51 am

Quote:

Your situation and example given tells me your probably the person to talk to out of everyone who has posted so far. Your example of how you left your home cause you weren't getting the necessary things to further one's happiness and success mirrors my situation. I don't have many good friends, my parents aren't supportive or warm to me anymore, etc.....

Any advice on how to go about separating myself from that based on your own experiences?


Sorry for late reply. I don't know if i'm the one to talk to or not to be honest. Honestly your plan was very similar to mine and I did it at 21 as well. For me, I did run away from my problems--which is fine, with some problems the solution is abandonment.

I hated college.. I had no idea about aspergers, just thought that I had a social deficit. No matter the age old useless knowledge from everyone that "i'd grow out of it.." or that "at college everyone matures and it gets way better" wasn't true. Don't get me wrong.. college was a huge step up for me from highschool and if I had a good support system I could've made the most of it but by that time, I like you had pretty much been forced into it. I suffered from what I felt was major depression--only got a passing and good grade from the only teacher that showed interest in me. Had to fake my grades due to a constant lack of understanding from my mom's side.

I eventually got fed up at age 21, saved money from literally anything and everything and moved across state to stay with an online friend turned real life girlfriend. It would have been easier if I had a job. I literally left my mom a note expressing all the crap I couldn't say without having my face slapped before finishing a sentence or a "move out of the house" ultimatum. I did have some family I cared about, particularly my grandmother so I did try and patch things up with my mom for her sake, but it didn't work out well. If it doesn't work out well at this age.. its not due to a lack of trying.

The place worth calling home is something I understand well.. when I temporarily reconciled with my mom I felt a feeling almost similar to terror stepping inside my old "home".

I know what your parents intentions were-- they wanted to see you doing something with your life. But the thing with parents is they build a mentality where when your raising kids, explaining intentions is secondary to them doing what you say. Which is true--if I had a kid run into the street i'd be devastated--he/she had better hold my hand whether or not they understand the reason why or not. Unfortunately at you get a grasp of what you feel is in your own best interests--better than your parents even. For many people it can't be bargained or negotiated and settling for less creates a feeling of misery.

When I left I had my mom and aunt calling my cell, my mom basically chewed me down to the point that I broke down in tears. My grandmother rocking my amen corner and telling me I could stay with her whenever and that I didn't have to go. I appreciated it but I didn't necessarily want to go back--I did try and reconcile but I think there's a point we try and give the people in our lives too much credit. "Oh I must be holding too big of a grudge, or oh.. maybe I was being immature because i'm young". Its neither-- its trying to rationalize yourself as a product of someone.. or even a group of people who tried, but their efforts keep pulling you back into misery.

I don't regret not being there, family in that sense seems way too casual for my expectations over the top or not; I don't deny it. You'd feel that family would be very accepting--or that even if someone broke their back for you (I know I would) they'd still have enough love in them to handle you with tenderness occassionally. s**t, people nowadays drop cellphones and they're in a panic. You say you're sick to a person.. and they show casual dumb downed emotion. We put on these damn social masks even around family without knowing what the hell we're hiding from. Heck even treating others as you'd like to be treated is tossed casually out the window, when its a basic honest and fair rule especially amongst the people who should have your back the most.

Anyway, major rant-- but depending on what your situation is, i'd bide your time till your financially set for a little while.. i'd worry about you if you weren't prepared for this, even if overall its the best move for you.



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03 May 2013, 9:57 am

Yeah I can relate. I've felt the need to get away, escape, and start over many times in my life. When I was finishing high school I just felt like I had to get out but wasn't sure where to go. I needed to break out of old patters and get away from the memories and peoples perception of me. Well the adults said go to college, so that's where I went and worked incredibly hard to get through and graduate. Then I got a job and felt this need to run away and start over a few times a year. I used to take mini vacations to get by. Then I left the area to go to grad school and worked even harder to get through and get a job.

The good news is that without resetting my life a few times I would not have discovered I'm on the spectrum because nobody else could see it. I also never would have accomplished much of anything if I had stayed in the same place, and I needed that for my self concept. So now I'm planning to start over again after more years of social failures and misunderstandings and I'm hoping beyond hope that my new found understanding of myself will help me to settle in this time around.



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03 May 2013, 10:58 am

I have, long ago, but I’ve never actually known what to do. I envy you all a lot, and wish the best to the OP should he finally decide to put those ideas into practice.



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03 May 2013, 11:11 am

If you need a change in environment, then go for it. If you think you're going to reinvent yourself (become a new person) with new surroundings, that's not going to happen. It sounds like you need to move out, but you really should have some kind of safety net (friends or financial) so you don't end up sleeping on park benches.