U.S. Culture: criminals favored over introverts

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Tyri0n
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03 May 2013, 2:14 pm

I think it's so f***ing ridiculous how our culture favors extroverts to the extent that people who act out, scream, and hurt other people get help and sympathy while those who turn inwards are basically just labeled Schizoid, autistic, or Spock and told they have an incurable developmental disability and/or need to learn how to express emotions, as if that in itself is a good thing (huh?).

I followed this advice and tried to do an acting class to learn how to express emotions. And it worked for a time. Instructor said I made great progress. But then, I started to act out more. I actually hit some random person the other day who yelled at me for bumping into him in a parking lot because I was walking and texting, I gave him the finger, he grabbed me, I punched him in the face, and barely escaped getting caught by the authorities. I think the last thing I need is to learn how to express my emotions. I need to learn to regulate the problems that cause them.

So I do act out occasionally. But I don't do it in a professional, familiar, or work situation, so basically I just get labeled with autism and dismissed. It's not that I control my volatility; it just implodes and results in flat affect and depression. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me with autism lectured me about 40 times on why I needed to express emotions more in order to function better socially. Guess he has no idea what the result of that would be. Probably prison. What is wrong with hiding emotion? Western culture is so f**** up.

Basically, I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Thus, treatment for Schizoid, autism et al. is actually harmful.



Fnord
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03 May 2013, 2:16 pm

Bullies get dates.

Their victims don't.

Humanity sucks.



Tyri0n
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03 May 2013, 2:28 pm

Fnord wrote:
Bullies get dates.

Their victims don't.

Humanity sucks.


Yep, I don't just mean getting dates. No one has sympathy for guys who can't get dates. I mean, this is true in just about every area of life, not dating alone.



OliveOilMom
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03 May 2013, 2:28 pm

Expressing your emotions is not the same thing as acting out. It's not the same thing as hitting somebody when they piss you off. Maybe he's trying to tell you to learn to express your emotions appropriately. If somebody is being an ass to you and you are pissed at them, rather than hit them to express your emotions you should 1) either walk away - which expresses that you are pissed at them and they aren't worth your time and that you pick your battles and they aren't even worth it or 2) say something like "There is no reason for you to act like this. It's completely uncalled for, rude, and inappropriate". That lets them know that they have pissed you off and you are calling them on it. Of course, that can escalate into a hitting situation, so only say that to somebody whose ass you can kick or who you are pretty sure won't take it to that level.

It's the same difference between asking someone out on a date or saying "I enjoy your company" and stalking them. While your emotion may be "I want to be with this person all the time" the correct way to express that is to let them know you like them and see how they feel about it. If you were to stalk them then even if they did like you, that would ruin it. Unless they had issues themselves.

If you are very happy and having a great day you don't go around hugging random people and yelling "Yahoooooo!" and "Hot Damn!" at the top of your lungs, you smile. You act friendly toward people.

There is a difference between expressing emotions inappropriately and over the top and getting across to others what you are feeling.


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Tyri0n
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03 May 2013, 2:43 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
Expressing your emotions is not the same thing as acting out. It's not the same thing as hitting somebody when they piss you off. Maybe he's trying to tell you to learn to express your emotions appropriately. If somebody is being an ass to you and you are pissed at them, rather than hit them to express your emotions you should 1) either walk away - which expresses that you are pissed at them and they aren't worth your time and that you pick your battles and they aren't even worth it or 2) say something like "There is no reason for you to act like this. It's completely uncalled for, rude, and inappropriate". That lets them know that they have pissed you off and you are calling them on it. Of course, that can escalate into a hitting situation, so only say that to somebody whose ass you can kick or who you are pretty sure won't take it to that level.

It's the same difference between asking someone out on a date or saying "I enjoy your company" and stalking them. While your emotion may be "I want to be with this person all the time" the correct way to express that is to let them know you like them and see how they feel about it. If you were to stalk them then even if they did like you, that would ruin it. Unless they had issues themselves.

If you are very happy and having a great day you don't go around hugging random people and yelling "Yahoooooo!" and "Hot Damn!" at the top of your lungs, you smile. You act friendly toward people.

There is a difference between expressing emotions inappropriately and over the top and getting across to others what you are feeling.


Yeah, but I can't. Either, everything turns in, or everything turns out.



lostonearth35
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03 May 2013, 6:07 pm

I'm sorry, but people who walk while texting are almost as bad as people who drive while texting. You don't pay attention to where you're going so you bump into someone. The way you reacted was, ironically, criminal in itself and very nasty. It would almost serve you right if you walked into the street while texting and got hit by a car because you're not paying attention. When I'm out walking in town I feel like I have to have the alertness of a hawk because people hardly ever even slow down let alone stop just so I can cross the stupid street! :evil:



Tyri0n
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03 May 2013, 10:37 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
I'm sorry, but people who walk while texting are almost as bad as people who drive while texting. You don't pay attention to where you're going so you bump into someone. The way you reacted was, ironically, criminal in itself and very nasty. It would almost serve you right if you walked into the street while texting and got hit by a car because you're not paying attention. When I'm out walking in town I feel like I have to have the alertness of a hawk because people hardly ever even slow down let alone stop just so I can cross the stupid street! :evil:


Served me right if I got run over? It sounds like you are a bit of a psychopath. Glad I don't live near you.



ASDsmom
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03 May 2013, 10:58 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
I think it's so f***ing ridiculous how our culture favors extroverts to the extent that people who act out, scream, and hurt other people get help and sympathy while those who turn inwards are basically just labeled Schizoid, autistic, or Spock and told they have an incurable developmental disability


I think people have a general misunderstanding of what introvert/extrovert really means. All it means is how you're able to "re-charge your batteries". People can be both "introvert" and "extrovert" in terms of "behaviour". The difference is .. WHEN you need to rejuvenate yourself, do you seek solitude or social outlets?

For me, I'm an introvert. I like being social (on my own terms) but after a while, I need to get away from everyone .. even for just an hour. Then I'm fine again and can be social again. Extroverts are the opposite. They can work in a solitude environment but when they need to rejuvenate THEMSELVES, they'll likely call a buddy or two (or plus) and yak their ear off. Then, they can work in solitude again.

I don't agree with your post at all. I don't think this is how people (by your definition) are treated. I think you are basing your opinions by your own personal experiences.



OliveOilMom
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04 May 2013, 12:18 am

Tyri0n wrote:
lostonearth35 wrote:
I'm sorry, but people who walk while texting are almost as bad as people who drive while texting. You don't pay attention to where you're going so you bump into someone. The way you reacted was, ironically, criminal in itself and very nasty. It would almost serve you right if you walked into the street while texting and got hit by a car because you're not paying attention. When I'm out walking in town I feel like I have to have the alertness of a hawk because people hardly ever even slow down let alone stop just so I can cross the stupid street! :evil:


Served me right if I got run over? It sounds like you are a bit of a psychopath. Glad I don't live near you.


Pot
Kettle


Black


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Mishra2012
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04 May 2013, 7:01 am

There is a stigma against introverts.


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Geekonychus
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06 May 2013, 11:52 am

Sounds to me like your main issue is that you're still trying to fit in with NTs. The basic harsh fact is that 99.9% of people are never going to like you. The key is to find other socially awkward freaks that you will get along with and are worth having around. It's what I've done. I can put up a mask when I'm going out and about but when I'm around friends, I want to be myself. If I can't be that way then they aren't real friends.



catwhisperer
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06 May 2013, 1:33 pm

I very much agree with your first paragraph, and it bothers me to no end that people who act out usually get assistance and understanding while those of us who turn inward usually get ignored, bullied, or a combination of the two.

And my theory with their advice to "express our emotions" is so they know what's going on with us and feel safe and secure around "us." Because if we express negative emotions, then there are negative consequences. they would like us to express now rather than later on the chance that any negative emotions that go unexpressed will get worse.



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06 May 2013, 2:15 pm

Tyri0n, I get you totally. I have yet to devote the time to thinking about why people are so intolerant of psychological differences that aren't directly dangerous to them.

Fnord, thou hath been quoted.

Edit: Wait... what happened to signatures?



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06 May 2013, 2:35 pm

Recently I was looking something up on google about annoying neighbors and one of the suggestions was "my neighbor never leaves the house." I don't go out much so I read some sites. Everyone seemed to be so upset, scared, or judgmental about it and I don't understand why. Even the nicer ones seemed determined to go over and bug the person who might just be shy or agoraphobic or might be completely asocial and want their nosy neighbors to leave them alone. They just couldn't understand that some people are introverts and might value their alone time. They either think they are sad lonely people that would love some attention or crazy and dangerous.



Tyri0n
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08 May 2013, 3:26 am

Geekonychus wrote:
Sounds to me like your main issue is that you're still trying to fit in with NTs. The basic harsh fact is that 99.9% of people are never going to like you. The key is to find other socially awkward freaks that you will get along with and are worth having around. It's what I've done. I can put up a mask when I'm going out and about but when I'm around friends, I want to be myself. If I can't be that way then they aren't real friends.


Sounds good, unless you're Borderline. Then, even crazy socially awkward freaks will hate you. That has been my experience anyway, even before I knew I had BPD/C-PTSD. Everyone literally hates me more and more the more they get to know me. It's not silent exclusion like aspies face. It's literal hatred I experience, even from aspies.



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08 May 2013, 5:46 am

Mishra2012 wrote:
There is a stigma against introverts.


In my community, I don't think there is much of a stigma with it as long as you at least get along decently with your own family.