Forgiving betrayers

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How do you go about it?

Say for instance, people who drop you? I feel like I deserved an explanation, and if there was a problem they should have given me a little heads up. But I'm finished being angry. How can I go about forgiving?

If somebody just drops me socially then I consider that simply being rude and there's nothing for me to really forgive. I just go on about my business and when they want to come back around or hang out again I tell them nope. I ignore them from then on.

However if somebody betrays me such as lies about me, tells a secret I told them, does something on purpose to mess me up for no reason, then I'm not going to forgive them. Not at all. I'm not going to forget it either. While I may or may not ever get revenge one day, I will remember it. I may decide to just let it go because it's better for all involved, but I won't forgive and I won't forget.

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[quote="CaptainTrips222"]How do you go about it?

its easy. try to connect with them still with cheesy lines. and be thought. and keep doing it. even if they refuse. when the f*****s still aint accepting you do it some more. after that go hunt the women in your class room. and try to connect with a outsider in liabary or somewhere else in that hood.

I guess it depends on the situation with people who dropped you. Were they good friends? Acquaintences? Acquaintences are easy, because it's nothing personal. If we're talking Facebook, then maybe they were just doing a little "clean up". Either way, maybe you'll want to ask them if there's anything you did, whether they were good friends or not. And be prepared to hear something you may not like.

On the other hand, if you don't want to learn from it, and if it isn't worth it to you to you to find out and you just want to get on with the forgiveness part, then you can do this.

1) Consider that maybe you weren't the best fit for them, and in a way, they are doing you a favor so you can find friends that appreciate you for who you are and who appreciate the good parts of you and are willing to accept/overlook quirks, etc. In other words, focus on the good in you and consider it an opportunity to find good people in your life.

2) Consider where they are coming from, and consider this a limitation of theirs. You're a good person and they didn't have the wherewithall to see it and appreciate you. That is their limitation, and that can be forgiven.

And you move on. Forgiveness is good, no matter how egregious the action, because it sets YOU free. It's not to say you forget what happened, or that you will repeat your actions, if there are any actions/behaviors that are involved. You do it for you, not for the other party. If you use it as a learning opportunity (even if it hurts to look at it, and may expose parts of you that you aren't proud of), you stand to grow as a person, and that is awesome.

For Warcraft fans to peoples forgive Illidan? NO! so for betrayers i do same

If they aren't telling you why, then that's where I usually add my own story line, but I base it on:

1) Were your comments/conversations friendly with them? Was there any snark in them or unkindness?
2) What kind of relationship did you have? How well did you know them?

being a hermit enables one to sidestep all of this drama. online, it doesn't really matter because nobody can strangle anybody else- forgive or not forgive, it is just electrons through wires. only when the person/s involved somehow get sucked into your real waking life, does it have visceral consequences.

Holding a grudge can really make you look petty and mean.