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Yayoi
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29 Jun 2013, 1:45 am

My family aren't abusive or anything, I just disagree with them and am sick of being under their control and want to move out... but it's a year until I'm legally an adult, and I want to be independent and have a whole place all to myself. How can I do this? I don't have many friends, and I'm not sure how welcoming the ones I do have would be.

What should I do? I don't want to be stuck living with them forever, so I want to get away as early in life as possible. But since my family is otherwise "normal", it'll be hard to find a way to escape...


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JDC6776
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29 Jun 2013, 5:06 am

Well first you need a stable job, and the rent should be less than 50% of your monthly income. And the first month will normally cost the rent times 3 (First,Last and security deposit). But you also need to account for utilities such as electric, water and heat. My utilities usually ran about 300-400 a month. Summer you use more power, and the winter uses more heat. Some place include some but not all unless its a live with owner type deal. If your budget is too tight, try putting out a craigslist ad for a roommate. Just explain your ideal situation in the ad. There are plenty of private minded people looking for shared homes. Just make sure the boundaries are clear to avoid unpleasantness.



JDC6776
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29 Jun 2013, 5:08 am

sorry, i just realized your from Australia.... so most of that might not apply.... My Bad



arielhawksquill
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29 Jun 2013, 6:39 am

Isn't this pretty much the experience of every teenager? If you just wait a bit your problem will fix itself.

While you wait, you could spend your time teaching yourself independent living skills. Open your own bank account. Learn to do your own laundry. Teach yourself to cook your favorite foods. And cultivate relationships with those friends you might wish to have as roommates when you move into your own place.



FlanMaster
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29 Jun 2013, 10:42 am

I left home @ 16,fired from 3 jobs by 17. Joined the military with the intent to attend college, become an officer and retire at 37, then my (as of then unrealized) personality dominated my life yet again so I was released from service after sustaining injuries from an attack by my collegues on base. I drifted through life losing one job after another largely in part because of my personality quirks. I was diagnosed late in life after fathering 5 children and failing at dozens of jobs as well as failing at being a father and husband.

you have an advantage. you are aware at an early age. begin behavior modification now, if you haven't already. Train yourself to tolerate all of your external "triggers" without noticeable responses. Find a means to vent and release privately that wont interfere with work or obligations. train yourself to adjust and adapt to unexpected circumstances and hindrances in a manner that can help you get back on track to completing your work without offending customers, co-workers, or supervisors. Once you have these things or if these things are not an issue for you, and you have a good work ethic and ability to learn new skills as needed, then consider leaving. It is easier to start behavior modification younger than older. College can either facilitate or hinder your independence. If you are interested in it and can afford it, choose one that will help you structure your life, avoid the normal risks while not stifling you too much.

It is not an escape so much as it is a release into the wild so to speak. Those who have prepared are more likely to survive and even thrive. Those who aren't usually become prey for the predators. Every one needs a pack or a clan to better ensure success, even aspies. Realize this and choose yours wisely. Find one (or more) that will help you succeed that you can both tolerate and contribute to equally.

lastly, but most important "imo", be very careful with any interactions with the opposite gender and/or those you relate to sexually. It will. be too easy to fall victim. And many do not take rejection gracefully. Some become vindictive if you refuse and/or leave them. There is no such thing as casual sex. It costs you one way or another. Even gay people have experienced false allegations from the opposite gender. Don't give anyone the ability to brag about being with you if s/he wasn't. Don't be with anyone who will brag, publicize, or criticize intimacy with you.

"hindsight is 20/20". learn from the experience, failure, and success of others. "I would that I could" go back to my youth, knowing what I know now. I would train myself to survive and worry less about fitting in to the misfits that tortured me for being different.

probably not what you want to read, but it's worth considering.



Yayoi
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29 Jun 2013, 7:38 pm

FlanMaster wrote:
I left home @ 16,fired from 3 jobs by 17. Joined the military with the intent to attend college, become an officer and retire at 37, then my (as of then unrealized) personality dominated my life yet again so I was released from service after sustaining injuries from an attack by my collegues on base. I drifted through life losing one job after another largely in part because of my personality quirks. I was diagnosed late in life after fathering 5 children and failing at dozens of jobs as well as failing at being a father and husband.

you have an advantage. you are aware at an early age. begin behavior modification now, if you haven't already. Train yourself to tolerate all of your external "triggers" without noticeable responses. Find a means to vent and release privately that wont interfere with work or obligations. train yourself to adjust and adapt to unexpected circumstances and hindrances in a manner that can help you get back on track to completing your work without offending customers, co-workers, or supervisors. Once you have these things or if these things are not an issue for you, and you have a good work ethic and ability to learn new skills as needed, then consider leaving. It is easier to start behavior modification younger than older. College can either facilitate or hinder your independence. If you are interested in it and can afford it, choose one that will help you structure your life, avoid the normal risks while not stifling you too much.

It is not an escape so much as it is a release into the wild so to speak. Those who have prepared are more likely to survive and even thrive. Those who aren't usually become prey for the predators. Every one needs a pack or a clan to better ensure success, even aspies. Realize this and choose yours wisely. Find one (or more) that will help you succeed that you can both tolerate and contribute to equally.

lastly, but most important "imo", be very careful with any interactions with the opposite gender and/or those you relate to sexually. It will. be too easy to fall victim. And many do not take rejection gracefully. Some become vindictive if you refuse and/or leave them. There is no such thing as casual sex. It costs you one way or another. Even gay people have experienced false allegations from the opposite gender. Don't give anyone the ability to brag about being with you if s/he wasn't. Don't be with anyone who will brag, publicize, or criticize intimacy with you.

"hindsight is 20/20". learn from the experience, failure, and success of others. "I would that I could" go back to my youth, knowing what I know now. I would train myself to survive and worry less about fitting in to the misfits that tortured me for being different.

probably not what you want to read, but it's worth considering.


I'm not into the idea of sex that much anyway... I don't look at it from an emotional perspective, just see it as the facts, and find it kind of unpleasant, and I refuse to be thought of in terms of "hot" and "sexy" because those labels don't sit well with me. Being thought of in terms of gender/body, rather than who I am as a person, is the last thing I want, and that's what sex seems to be all about. So I guess I'm kind of lucky there.


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FlanMaster
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29 Jun 2013, 10:30 pm

Yayoi wrote:
I'm not into the idea of sex that much anyway... I don't look at it from an emotional perspective, just see it as the facts, and find it kind of unpleasant, and I refuse to be thought of in terms of "hot" and "sexy" because those labels don't sit well with me. Being thought of in terms of gender/body, rather than who I am as a person, is the last thing I want, and that's what sex seems to be all about. So I guess I'm kind of lucky there.



Yes, you are because it suggests that you are one that doesn't try to "fit in" by "giving in". But there are still those who would lie about being with you, either for status or revenge if you rejected their advances. Some would even lie about whether they consented to the fabricated coupling. Always guard against such predators.


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