Hey Folks (I think I just lost my mother)

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If your mother hasn't disowned you for some of the insane s**t you've pulled in the past, then she's not gonna disown you for telling her how you feel about something. That being said, if one of my kids tried to pay me cash to "make up" for upsetting me about something I'd be so furious I couldn't see straight. You don't do that to your parents. It's insulting, it makes it look like the love that a parent feels for their child is nothing more than cheap and tawdry like the kind of 'affection' you can get from a hooker. Do not do that unless you want to really insult your mother.

Also, you know very well that you overreact and I think you need to see a psychiatrist and get some help to learn how to control your actions when you get upset. Otherwise you will be in this same boat forever.

I know that I said I wasn't going to respond to you anymore because one minute you thank me for telling you straight up how I see something and the next you scream at me because you don't like how I see something, but trying to pay your mother so you will feel better about insulting her is so damn disrespectful that I thought somebody ought to say something about it to you. If you had gotten angry or upset and broken something that belonged to her then it would be correct to offer her the money to fix it, in addition to an apology and a gesture that demonstrates your remorse such as spending time with her doing something she enjoys or even just doing chores for her, etc. However, you just pissed her off and upset her, you didn't cause her to be out any money, so by offering her money you are doing nothing more than equating her emotional state with something you can buy with cash. It says that you don't see her love for you as something priceless and irreplaceable, you see it as a commodity that can be bought and sold. It reminds me of guys who like to smack women around for s**ts and giggles. They want to take out some frustration on a girl, they go to a hooker and smack her around then just pay her to compensate her for her pain and injuries. You cannot pay your mother to compensate her for the emotional pain you caused her by this, you need to compensate her for it by actually doing something for her yourself. If you insist on being out some money then take her out to eat or to a movie of her choice and don't complain the whole time - hell, don't complain at all during it, no matter how much you may hate it. Offer to do some things around the house that you hate to do and she hates to do, even if you don't think you should have to do it or even if it's somebody else's fault it has to be done, etc. And while you are doing it and offering to, keep your mouth shut about the fact that it's somebody else's fault that it has to be done or that somebody else should have done it, etc. Do it willingly, or at least make it look like you are doing it willingly. Give of yourself to her. That's whats valuable to a parent, not your cash.

Also, you are going to have plenty of times in your life where people disagree with you, or people screw up something for you, or somebody may actually shove you or slap your hand or punch you or something like that. It happens, and it happens to guys more often. While it's appropriate and normal to get angry and even want to hurt them for an amount of time, it's not appropriate to want them dead for the rest of your life. This was what, 30 some odd years ago and you want him to die for it still, even though it was actually a minor incident even though what he did wasn't appropriate?

If you can't forgive other people for their mistakes and let them go, then why in the name of all that is holy should anybody, anywhere, at anytime, forgive you for yours? It works both ways. Burning money just burns money and it doesn't hurt anybody but you. If you want do burn money then take it in the bathroom and burn it and don't tell anybody about it. Don't even tell us about it. Don't be doing s**t like that and telling people so you can think that maybe somebody knows how you made yourself pay for it. All that does is make you feel better temporarily and it doesn't fix s**t. Not one thing does it fix. Nobody thinks you are being noble and selfless or feel bad for you punishing yourself over it. People just think it's crazy. If you want to do something to punish yourself then make yourself do something for someone else that you hate to do. Take your dad who you wish was dead out to eat and actually be nice to him and don't start any s**t with him no matter how mad you get. Suck it up and keep your mouth shut and bite your tongue (figuratively speaking of course - nobody wants to read how you had to have surgery to reattach it because you bit it off "punishing yourself") and put up with him and keep reminding yourself that THIS is how you are punishing yourself for it. That's a way to actually make something up to somebody. Then go home and write it all down and put it in a drawer and don't show it to anybody. You will know you did it, you do not need anybody else's approval. I'm not saying you shouldn't post here, not at all. I'm saying that you should stop trying to tell others how you are doing this kind of s**t to punish yourself because that's some kind of weird way that I think you have of somehow making it "ok" in your head when it doesn't make anything ok and you need to learn how other actual adults go about fixing this kind of f**k up.

So, that's my two cents, get mad and type in all caps to me and cuss me or whatever, I don't care. It doesn't bother me one bit, because I'm pretty sure you are gonna just go off on me about it cause this isn't what you want to hear. But you need to hear it and you need to grow the hell up and you need to do it now while your parents are still alive and you CAN actually do something to help make up some of this s**t to them.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

It was wrong for your dad to shove you. Also have an abusive dad and a mother who allowed the abuse to happen. I had a bad relationship with my mother in my teens because I kept on saying she should divorce my father because he was abusive. The abuse only stopped when I finally got the guts to call the police on him. The relationship with my mother is better now because although she will never leave him, she now realizes how abusive he was to both of us.
No body "deserves" abuse.

Are really asking for a nonbiased opinion? Depends. Was your dad abusive?

Your mom isn't going to forgive you with money. SHE might forgive you because she's your mom..but what you're doing is a total waste of time. Money doesn't buy forgiveness--not the kind I want anyway. I mean if you think you think you have too much money start donating it to a trustworthy charity or something.

Thirty years is a long time man--you're doing yourself harm if anything by keeping it in.