I feel used and rejected

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I recently had a fall out with someone who I thought was a close friend of mine. Although she kept saying and seeming to do things that I did not like, I was abandoned by her after going out of her way to invite me over to her house for Christmas last year.

Anyway we were friends for 8 years and for the first part of the friendship she was single. She used to be majorly depressed and lonely next to having trouble making friends but has always been really insecure anyway. I also found that we would relate to each other. It when she got married that she started acting differently Acting snotty, dressing differently, and seeming to act like she is more important than I am).

I really feel like she used me as a social outlet until she finally got her lot in life and then just tossed me by the wayside. This was especially after saying that I was like a sister to her which now breaks my heart.

Sorry to hear that.

It is heart breaking when this happens, and it seems to be a female insecurity thing a lot of the time - some women feel threatened by former close friends and for lots of reasons: you may know too much about her past (from her perspective) and therefore you are a threat; you are beautiful, so you are a threat; you may cause her to feel guilty for her behaviour to you, so you are a threat to her self-esteem, etc...it's not that your friendship was not meaningful to her - she probably feels guilty about the change too - this change in her is more likely to be something to do with her insecurities or a wish to portray herself in a certain way to her new husband than anything in the past.

I know it's painful, though suggest your safest plan is to grieve this and let her go. It will never be the same as it was, if you continue, and she will fit you in to suit her needs, never yours. Once a friendship loses its central equality, you can almost never get it back.

I think it can also be a kind of selfish immaturity some women have. You know her best and will know if this applies to her.

Men hardly ever give up their closest friends when they marry, nor interact with them differently; they may hang out less often, but the basic nature of these male friendships doesn't change. Women are getting better genreally, I think, at respecting and valuing the unique worth of true female friendship though some have a very long way to go.

Sorry you are hurting over this.

Its OK, you will make new friends, and try to leave the past as it was and don't let it bother you too much.

I did manage to find an online support system where I can talk to a trained listener in an chat session. My therapist feels that this friend sounded like a people pleaser and was really scared that her husband would leave her. They also felt like most of this is all for her husband because he does not like me or does he respect me. The main part is because of belief differences. He is also very spoiled in that he comes from a family with money. So he thinks that he walks on higher grounds and I think that is starting to rub off on her.


As for my perceptions of her not liking me: Another friend tried to contact her and ask what happened between us. She said that she was very sad about me and did not want to say anything bad about me. I could be wrong but it's just how I feel.