self-harm

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While, upon further research, I've self-harmed in various ways for several years, in the past month I've started cutting. I've had some rather extreme episodes, and I must say, I quite like it.

This is a very general question, but do any current cutters have any insight on motivation for cutting?

It's a lot of things for me: a drug, a replacement for suicide, pretty.

I cut myself before but then people I knew noticed the cuts on me and asked a bunch of questions so I stopped doing it. For me it was like the emotional pained being drained out of me somehow. It just felt like a release. I don't do it anymore though. In the long run it didn't really make me happier. I think the only thing that will make me happy is to try my best to do something about my problems.

I used to like to peel the chapped skin off my lips 'til they were a bloody pulpy mess.

I took a blade to my arm for the first time yesterday. I didn't fully cut myself, just pressed hard enough to make a scab the next day. I find myself more often thinking about cutting myself. There's so much behind it. I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't do it. Maybe I should start smoking cigarettes again.

Then I started looking at pictures of myself from when I was a little kid. I'm smiling in these pictures and you can see it's a real smile. I started to think about how this little kid now wants to cut herself then I started to cry a lot. I made a collage of the pictures and hung it on my wall. I wish I was still that happy and careless.

You probably already realize self-harm makes no f****** sense whatsoever. So are you seeing someone about it or do you plan to?

I do cuticle picking when stressed. I think I've long suspected that it was related to endorphin regulation. What I haven't pinpointed, for myself, is why I need them. So it does make sense, but I know what you mean, it also makes no f****** sense whatsoever.

It's very hard for me to comprehend , but why do You cut?
I don't see how I could get anything out of it.

I bite myself, but usually only when I need endorphins to deal with problematic responses to stimuli I can't tolerate, mostly whistling and other high frequency, human-produced sounds.
There have been days when I ended up with bruises all over my arms from it, but usually I can get away from the sound so I can eventually stop, and most of the time I only need to bite my index fingers because it doesn't last long.
I have some invisible, but still sore bite marks from earlier today when I was at a meeting at a starbucks and someone started whistling.
I ended up having to run outside, but not before I ended up biting my arms in a few places.

I don't know why anyone would necessarily do it otherwise, unless there was some sensory issue they were having that the endorphins relieved.

I dont know if it counts as self harming, but squeezing my skin at legs or arns, actually makes me more able to withstand an overload. I think the sensory input of the pain, somehow overrules the other sensory inputs, so pain is stronger then sound/visual effects/... , while at the same time, a moderdate amount of pain is causing no meltdown, but is normal tolerable. So it does not feel good, but the bad feeling of the pain is actually less troubling then the torturing of the sensory inputs, so its the better thing to choose.

I've read a couple of excellent books:
A Bright Red Scream, Marilee Strong
Scarred, Sophie Andrews

The first is a fairly academic account of the hows and whys of cutting/self harm, inc historical details.
The second is an autobiographical account of an abuse survivor who turned to cutting. Andrews has recently stepped down as chair for the UK help line Samaritans. It's an extraordinary account of survival against all odds. WARNING: it is a harrowing read and is likely to be full of triggers for abuse survivors and cutters.

Both on amazon

That's very similar to what I'm doing with the biting.
However, I don't think that the pain is overriding the sensory inputs so much as it is causing a release of endorphins which are the antidote to the internal issues caused by sensory overload.

I'm pretty sure causing yourself pain and/or injury in general on purpose counts as self harm, regardless of the method.

"A Bright Red Scream" just about sums up one of the primary purpose of cutting. For me, anyway. I mean, I cut because I like the rush and I love how it looks and feels. But I also do it because I have extreme difficulties in expressing myself verbally, and it's a very visceral way of asking for help and showing you mean business. That said, it only does so much. I cut myself extremely bad on both arms (100 cuts each, roughly) so that I could go to the ER and (hopefully) be admitted to the psych ward for a few days. Ultimately, however, I was kept overnight for observation and given another prescription.

The book might be useful to you. It discusses much of the rationale behind cutting and includes discussion of post cutting "nurture", be it self administered or ER.

My guess is that if you become a repeat ER visitor you will end up getting treated like sh*t.

That was my second time in the ER within one month exactly. The first time, though, I hadn't self-harmed. I was just losing my mind/wanted to kill myself. I've quickly learned that they will keep your safe from yourself for a little while in the ER, but not much more. Also, they will have you speak to an awful psychiatrist who makes you feel worse than when you went in. And you will hear nurses and doctors talk about you as if you can't hear them.

I'll check out that book sometime, maybe. I'm kind of regressing right now. I was incrementally improving but I quickly gave that s**t up. I'm trying to get back into that sweet spot of being hopelessly suicidal, and I'm close. I guess switching from alcohol back to weed killed my motivation though, because I'm not moving there fast enough. I want to be dead.

I have a relative with a tendency to self-harm.

One of the coping strategies she was taught was to wrap a rubber band tightly round her wrist, and when she felt the urge to self-harm become unbearable, to pull the elastic band right out, twist it, and let it snap right back.

This provided the 'sting' of self harm without any of the physical consequences.

It seemed to work for her.

^^^
QFT! that is a DAMNED good idea!