How to deal with racism

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I am a black man in my early 20s, and there are so many racist people where I live. It's not just whites, it from my experiences it tends to be everyone who isn't black, Native American and/or Hispanic. And even sometimes Hispanics are racist towards me, but not too often. It's just that I get big checks for school and when I cash them sometimes the person looks at me up and down, then they raise the check to the light to see if it's real then look at me up and down again. I usually don't say anything, but sometimes these people say things like "what kind of check is this?" or "what is this check for?" "where do you get these checks from?!" and I feel like saying "I don't think that's any of your business", but I'm afraid that if I do, it may cause a conflict and I end up having a meltdown.

Even among other aspies in real life, a lot of them are uncomfortable around me. It's usually NTs though. I'm polite to people, but when people see that I have some kind of money (I try my hardest to keep them from knowing) they get upset and look me up and down. People lock their car doors when I walk pass. When I don't look them in the eye they think I'm up to something bad. Women go the other way when I come down the street. A lot of East Indian people tend to be very nasty to me. Sometimes the free buses in the town I live in (a college town) purposely pass me, and it has happened 3 times with the same bus driver. Store employees sometimes ignore me when I ask a question. When I wear clothes with my college logo on it, or use my college ID which is also a debit card, people get attitudes with me. People follow and watch me in stores sometimes. I have low cut hair, I dress with plain t-shirts and sweatpants most of the time. When I am riding my bike and it's raining, a lot of white folks like to swerve over into puddles and splash mud on me with their cars. Sometimes they just blow their horns loud at me for no apparent reason. When I had a basket on my bike, it was always white guys yelling "Hey fa***t!".

It's very annoying. I don't really think this is a common experience for aspies, tell me if I'm wrong though? What I usually tend to do is shop at supermarkets, and avoid all stores owned by foreign people like from East India, East Asia, Middle East, Eastern Europe and convenient stores of those kind; because from my experiences those people are very nasty to me.
Other than that, I don't know how else to deal with it. People like to tell me it's all in my head. The only people who don't tell me it's in my head are alot of aspies, black people, Native Americans, and Hispanics.

Supermarkets usually have lower prices, anyway; you've made the right choice.

I don't think people in cars deliberately splash water on you--though it does seem like they do, sometimes.

What are you pursuing in school?

I am pursuing Spanish Linguistics. I am almost done. I don't like telling too many people that either because they get jealous and weird about it.

I'm into Applied Linguistics myself, though I only formally studied it for one term.

Have you thought about a career after college?

I think a medical translator would be best for me. I am needed and hospital settings are usually somewhat calmer compared to business settings. What is your career if you don't mind me asking?

My career is not intellectual in the least. I'm a data-entry operator for the City of New York.

The good thing: I'm going to retire in about 8 years and receive a very decent pension.

Keep your eye on your goal. Getting good grades, and proving your worth will offset any racist feelings.

Hospitals tend not to be racist in character. In fact, most of the employees of most hospitals, including doctors, are non-Caucasian people.

They could be tough places to work--but race doesn't enter into the equation, usually.

The very worst thing you could do is to let this racism thing affect you. It's ruined many people of color in the past. Don't let it ruin you.

By the way, I'm a Caucasian.

Thank you kraftiekortie, I appreciate your response. It's kind of hard dealing with this and Asperger's at the same time. Because I was bullied a lot, so I am extremely sensitive to all kinds of social injustices. I usually keep to myself and only talk to family members, and if someone cool comes along, I talk to them as well.

You seem like a pretty cool person.

Thanks.

You seem like a smart guy as well.

Forget all the BS. You have a career to think about. A life.

Have a nice rest of the evening.

That is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a while.

Something I wonder about — maybe class is a problem as well as racism? It seems like people might be jealous of you because you have money and are in college.

OP, the only thing that has ever come remotely close to helping intellectually me deal with racism or any other brand of assholism was lowering my opinion of people. Keeping in mind that people are largely trash who can barely behave decently somewhat prevents me from being surprised and disappointed when they show their undesirable characters. Also, knowing that human rationality is a joke, and any given person is actually probably a case of emotional firecrackers with a short fuse — and you never know what sort of firecrackers are in the package. Sometimes, there's racism in there.

Actually, the very best emotional weapon against racism for me is not identifying with race, not seeing myself in terms of the white man's racial categories. I don't know how you feel about it, but if you are amenable to the concept I would suggest that you are not a "black" man. You are a human being who is forcibly being placed at the bottom of a social hierarchy, and "blackness" is a figment of the racist imagination. The entire concept of being "colored" is a tool other people have created to oppress. I find that there is nothing positive in identifying with it — I don't fill in "race" on forms, refuse to respond to racial questions in surveys, and generally don't answer to anything racial addressed to me. When someone says something racist, I don't feel any injury to my self-esteem because they are talking about their own warped world view; they are not actually talking about me. Race isn't something that I am; it is something that other people inflict on me.

Starkid makes a great point here. These notions of race are in themselves a fabrication. Genetically speaking, there really isn't such a thing as "race" as we are all part of the same sub species. Of course your heritage can make you vulnerable to certain illnesses, but that's because of a lack of genetic diversity, not some intrinsic quality of your "race".

Regardless, racism is as real as it ever was. Sadly, having never experienced racism, I can't really give you much advice and my experiences of xenophobia and sectarianism pale in comparison.

The only thing I can suggest is that you keep your head up high and you work hard and kick ass (uh, figuratively - don't just kick people's asses unless you have to). And report racism whenever you get it from staff at the supermarket because that's bad for a business to foster. Basically, don't take s**t when you don't have to. Obviously nor everyone has that luxury, but nobody should have to put up with that. Ever.

Hey Siamese,

Your not alone in your experiences and its not your fault of course. I went thru the same thing growing up, but as a very small minority white person in mostly black towns. You know its far from everyone targeting you. Its just a few. They usually don't even know you. They just target you because you are different. It was a daily concern. Just walking to and from school was nerve wracking at times, waiting, hoping that today no one would mess with me, and usually no one did. But once in a while I would get the comments, like 'wh***y' or "Honky' and sometimes robbed or physically attacked, that is punched, or threatened with knives.

But eventually I moved to a different place and saw the exact reverse, which was an overwhelming majority of white people harassing and sometimes attacking black people. The first time I saw it, it made me sick. It was not about Black or White. It was about groups and being different.

As an Aspie though, I think I may have felt it more deeply. I have a high sensitivity and such things are pretty stressful even if you aren't sensitive. The best thing I could take away from it (besides simply surviving it) was the lesson about human nature and groups. Its not like you can fix it, the problem is too big, too widespread. But you can use that knowledge on a small scale with individuals and small groups of people and make informed choices.

A lot of that stuff happens to me as well, I'm in my early 20s as well and white but I've worn my hair pretty long since I was about 11 or 12 so I guess some might say I bring some of it on myself but my younger brother does not(who looks fairly normal but is intellectually disabled) and he has experienced a lot of the same things as well. We did not come from a lot money and grew up in the even poorer inner city. Back when I lived in the city and was out and about people use to yell stuff out their cars and blast their horns at me all the time, police took special pleasure in harassing me, had my receipts check at the door, stared at, ignored, excluded, bullied. It's not fun, I don't know what makes someone get up in the morning and treat another human that way. That's not something that's in me and I'm glad it isn't. Sometimes tho I think the way I perceive events and the motivations of people aren't always the truth, that maybe my mind has just been poisoned to think that way to perceive slights and malicious undertones in innocuous situations but a lot of things don't need any interpretation. I dunno, people suck and my mind plays tricks on me too. I don't bother getting angry most of the time, what's the point? I just try to ignore and block out as much as I can and rise above, I can't read people's minds or control what they think or do.

That's a good attitude to have. I suffered from a lot of racism growing up. It is something that makes me really angry and I think I have developed a strong sense of social justice as a result of it.

It's just not something that even makes any sense to me. I didn't even realise I was "different" until I started school and then got my race enforced upon me by a handful of nasty bullying children. My accent was made fun of too and even as an adult in my 30s I still don't like to talk, I don't like the sound of my own voice.

Remember that the people who think you are not good enough are wrong! You have every right to be the person you are and to hold your head up high.

I accept that where I live is racist. I don't believe that it is right or just, but I accept that it is the reality. I also avoid places where I feel unwelcome because of being black. If you don't like black people, why would I give you my money?

I wish I could tell you how I came to this place of acceptance. I think part of it was being treated nicely by the overwhelming majority of white people I have come in contact with here. That helps me see that most white people are not racist. They are nice. The ones who are racist, although a minority, still upset me, but I let it go. I can't change their attitudes, and I know that their racism is not going to have a significant impact on my life.

I've found that people who exhibit racism or convey other forms of ignorance are usually of low intellect. I'm sorry to hear of your struggle. I try to avoid looking down on other people, but I believe it's a fact that the average person is stupid, ignorant and jealous of others, in general. If you accept that fact, it might help a bit. I wish you well. Race is a heavily enforced(through stupidity) illusion.