Oh great, I'll be 25 in 6 days.

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Sweetleaf
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13 Aug 2014, 11:12 pm

For some reason I am not too thrilled about this. :shrug:

Guess its a little hard to have much confidence when I'm just a college drop out on SSI because of mental problems that prevent working...what the hell did I even go to college for? I guess the idea of getting out of my moms house and living in the dorms even though they aren't wonderful living quarters was appealing but whatever.

I also was living at my moms house in a small little town, and did not see much in the way of jobs in that location...I had a job for a couple months when still in highschool and got fired for all kinds of reasons that made me realize how much other people can notice I suck at completing tasks, doing well under stress/chaos, am forgetful messing up what people ordered to eat ect. And I wasn't exactly a popular person always felt like an outsider and didn't have any real friends so was pretty sure they'd hire all the other people I went to school with...so I thought going to college and getting a degree would compensate for all that and I could skip over the minimum wage social jobs and become an expert in something or whatever...turns out doesn't work that way.

So anyways I don't know just venting, not sure why I care so much....and I hate when people in public ask me if I am going to school, or inquire as to what I do for a job....and I am not so sure I want to say I'm on SSI since I don't know how they'd react and there is stigma about it so usually I say not right now, and sort of imply I am considering it or looking for work.


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little_blue_jay
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14 Aug 2014, 12:29 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
I hate when people in public ask me if I am going to school, or inquire as to what I do for a job....and I am not so sure I want to say I'm on SSI since I don't know how they'd react and there is stigma about it so usually I say not right now, and sort of imply I am considering it or looking for work.


I understand about that! I'm currently not working now either, (more due to POTS but my aspie-ness interfered more with my work than I realized at the time!) I'm on welfare, and I hate the stigma that goes along with that! I hate thinking I'm being lumped in as a 'welfare bum' same as the welfare moms I see at the welfare office who have like 5 kids and stand outside chainsmoking. I dread someone asking me where I work now. :oops: :?


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sly279
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14 Aug 2014, 4:24 am

got a degree and still on ssi. can't work in the field my degree is in.

I hate getting older. every year after 21 is depressing. turning 18 and 21 were the highlights, everything after just reminds me i am worthless.

nt people and society in general view job=who a person is. I think this is why the first thing people ask is what you do for a living and why women on dating want to know what a guy does that and to know if his life is together ie how much he makes.

I don't agree with that idea. I think people are thier personality and interests. I tend to try to establish common interest with people I talk to.

yeah so many of us were trick by the lies the education system tells about how college means you get a great paying job.


want hugs?

are you ok with birthday wishes?



bethmc
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14 Aug 2014, 10:00 am

I will be 46 at the end of this month. I LIKE getting older- you could not pay me to be in my 20s again. But don't be fooled, I am not anywhere near living a "normal" life. I quit high school, quit college, and even quit my first graduate program - but I went back and finally got my B.A.'s, my M.A. and I just moved (again) so I could continue in graduate school for my PhD.

I don't regard those times in my life as quitting, but more like learning experiences. It was what I needed to do at the time(s) and I have no regrets.

I've never been married, I don't have kids, and I love my life. People rarely know how to talk to me because I don't fit their idea of how I should be living my life - screw them! I see people who live "normal" lives and most of them are not happy. They're miserable and some of them don't even know why.

If I tried to live my life like everybody thought I should, I would be so miserable - that way doesn't work for me, so I stopped trying to be like everyone else and just concentrated on what I needed and wanted.

When people ask you questions about what you're doing with your life, keep in mind that it's none of their damn business - but have fun with them. Tell them you're training to be a spy, or working on the Nobel Prize in jumping rope. Hell, I don't know, but make up stupid answers to have ready for their stupid questions - if nothing else, you will confuse them, which may give you time to escape. :D

Good Luck!! !


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Sweetleaf
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14 Aug 2014, 11:18 am

bethmc wrote:
I will be 46 at the end of this month. I LIKE getting older- you could not pay me to be in my 20s again. But don't be fooled, I am not anywhere near living a "normal" life. I quit high school, quit college, and even quit my first graduate program - but I went back and finally got my B.A.'s, my M.A. and I just moved (again) so I could continue in graduate school for my PhD.

I don't regard those times in my life as quitting, but more like learning experiences. It was what I needed to do at the time(s) and I have no regrets.

I've never been married, I don't have kids, and I love my life. People rarely know how to talk to me because I don't fit their idea of how I should be living my life - screw them! I see people who live "normal" lives and most of them are not happy. They're miserable and some of them don't even know why.

If I tried to live my life like everybody thought I should, I would be so miserable - that way doesn't work for me, so I stopped trying to be like everyone else and just concentrated on what I needed and wanted.

When people ask you questions about what you're doing with your life, keep in mind that it's none of their damn business - but have fun with them. Tell them you're training to be a spy, or working on the Nobel Prize in jumping rope. Hell, I don't know, but make up stupid answers to have ready for their stupid questions - if nothing else, you will confuse them, which may give you time to escape. :D

Good Luck!! !


Thing is since i have stopped even attempting to live like everyone thinks I should, I am still miserable much of the time. But yeah I doubt I will go back to college and complete any degrees or anything, part of why I stopped going is I have PTSD related to a lockdown situation back in highschool....so being in the classrooms and on a college campus(even though it is not a highschool) still makes me edgy and its hard to try and focus in class especially if there is any noise in the hallway outside the room....and well what the hell would I do with a degree anyways?

As for people asking that, much of the time it seems just like curiosity or just general small talk conversation....so I don't really want to be stand offish and say 'well that is none of your buisiness' or confuse them too much. I mean I actually do want to interact with people and would even like making friends....but afraid of being judged about being on SSI, so not entirely sure what to do with that issue.


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14 Aug 2014, 11:27 am

sly279 wrote:
got a degree and still on ssi. can't work in the field my degree is in.

I hate getting older. every year after 21 is depressing. turning 18 and 21 were the highlights, everything after just reminds me i am worthless.

nt people and society in general view job=who a person is. I think this is why the first thing people ask is what you do for a living and why women on dating want to know what a guy does that and to know if his life is together ie how much he makes.

I don't agree with that idea. I think people are thier personality and interests. I tend to try to establish common interest with people I talk to.

yeah so many of us were trick by the lies the education system tells about how college means you get a great paying job.


want hugs?

are you ok with birthday wishes?


Seems like quite a few people have gotten degrees but can't find or get work in the field they studied for, which has to suck. but yeah I see what you mean about society basing peoples worth and what not on what they do for a living or whatever.....but yeah I think personality and instrest matters a lot more.

But yeah that is fine, lol hopefully I get a little birthday money for my birthday....so I could see a concert of something for it since with my 400$ a month after paying rent its hard to afford things like that especially since they so kindly reduced my food stamps to 22 dollars meaning to effectively feed myself I'd need to spend around 200 of the 400 on food leaving me with 200 left for any other necessities or things I might like to do for enjoyment. And I gotta start doing that to since I have lost 10 pounds since they reduced them and I was thinking I was doing ok snacking and trying to eat at my moms house(but limited stuff) and could go to the EBT office and get it cleared up so they can raise it but skeptical they will so looking forward to having even less money to work with....last time I went to the office they said they could raise them significantly if i was paying rent and all this so I gave tehm documentation that I was and at the time i was getting 20 dollars....well they raised it a whole whopping 2 dollars so yeah not to happy with them.


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14 Aug 2014, 12:02 pm

Happy upcoming birthday.Don't be hard on yourself,you are really still so young but you don't know it.My daughter didn't find out what she wanted to do till her late twenties.Some people start out in college young,then realize they don't like their choice of studies and then all the student debt piles up and they can't get a job or hate the job they have.
I'm with bethmc on getting older,I wouldn't be twenty again unless I could take my fifty year old brain with me.I went straight from HS to college and tried to live on my own,work,and do full time school.I burned out quick,dropped out and don't have a degree.But I'm happy where I am with my life,all I ever wanted was a cabin in the woods and I have that,so I did fulfill one of my dreams.


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14 Aug 2014, 12:35 pm

I feel ya as I'm in much the same boat just a couple years younger, even dropped out of community college a few years ago. I don't like birthdays much, just living another year isn't much of an accomplishment and it just is kind of depressing comparing yourself to others at the same age. 'And yes, absolutely hate hate hate being asked if I am going to school or what my job is. I hate talking about myself to most people and avoid situations where I feel like I have to, that puts a pretty big hamper on socializing or even seeking assistance. I'm trying to jump thru the hoops now, give it all one last shot with these assistance programs but everything seems to move at a snails pace and usually ends in disappointment but I don't really have any other options and I am lucky to have what I have I guess.

A lot of people just lie when asked questions they don't want to answer in casual situations, I remember my mom told me a story about how my grandpa when they all went on vacation use to tell people that he owned a bakery or that he ran a funeral home while in reality he worked a much more menial job at the local paper mill for 50 years. It was an amusing story when I heard it the first time, why would somebody just make that up? I understand it now. I'm not sure I could do it, lying isn't something that comes very natural to me and doing it on the fly like that is pretty impressive to me. I'd be so afraid of getting called out for it. I usually just say I'm going to go to school soon or grumble something about looking for work but the economy being rough. Perhaps I should just start telling people I'm a marine biologist. :P



sly279
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15 Aug 2014, 2:18 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
sly279 wrote:
got a degree and still on ssi. can't work in the field my degree is in.

I hate getting older. every year after 21 is depressing. turning 18 and 21 were the highlights, everything after just reminds me i am worthless.

nt people and society in general view job=who a person is. I think this is why the first thing people ask is what you do for a living and why women on dating want to know what a guy does that and to know if his life is together ie how much he makes.

I don't agree with that idea. I think people are thier personality and interests. I tend to try to establish common interest with people I talk to.

yeah so many of us were trick by the lies the education system tells about how college means you get a great paying job.


want hugs?

are you ok with birthday wishes?


Seems like quite a few people have gotten degrees but can't find or get work in the field they studied for, which has to suck. but yeah I see what you mean about society basing peoples worth and what not on what they do for a living or whatever.....but yeah I think personality and instrest matters a lot more.

But yeah that is fine, lol hopefully I get a little birthday money for my birthday....so I could see a concert of something for it since with my 400$ a month after paying rent its hard to afford things like that especially since they so kindly reduced my food stamps to 22 dollars meaning to effectively feed myself I'd need to spend around 200 of the 400 on food leaving me with 200 left for any other necessities or things I might like to do for enjoyment. And I gotta start doing that to since I have lost 10 pounds since they reduced them and I was thinking I was doing ok snacking and trying to eat at my moms house(but limited stuff) and could go to the EBT office and get it cleared up so they can raise it but skeptical they will so looking forward to having even less money to work with....last time I went to the office they said they could raise them significantly if i was paying rent and all this so I gave tehm documentation that I was and at the time i was getting 20 dollars....well they raised it a whole whopping 2 dollars so yeah not to happy with them.


hope you have a happy bday.

yeah it sucks esspecially the debt, but really tis that I can't ever go back to get another in something I can do.

I don't get any money left over from my ssi. Wish I had enough to pay the 25 for gym so I could go get on the treadmill and such. fun stuff is out of the question except what I earn from temp jobs, which can get used up in gas fast.

when I first applied for food stamps they said they'd give me 20 then it was 0 then a year later i got 200 then they reduced it to 157. I miss the extra 43. i have like 30ish to live off of a week, not easy to do which is why i eat cheap crap food mos of the time and skip meals.
hope you can get it fixed and get some money for the concert.



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16 Aug 2014, 11:36 am

sly279 wrote:
hope you have a happy bday.

yeah it sucks esspecially the debt, but really tis that I can't ever go back to get another in something I can do.

I don't get any money left over from my ssi. Wish I had enough to pay the 25 for gym so I could go get on the treadmill and such. fun stuff is out of the question except what I earn from temp jobs, which can get used up in gas fast.

when I first applied for food stamps they said they'd give me 20 then it was 0 then a year later i got 200 then they reduced it to 157. I miss the extra 43. i have like 30ish to live off of a week, not easy to do which is why i eat cheap crap food mos of the time and skip meals.
hope you can get it fixed and get some money for the concert.


Oh that's no good....I don't suppose you live anywhere you could like take the bus to save gas money? I'd hope perhaps you'd be able to eventually find a way to get a little extra left over for the gym. Lol I wish I could just eat cheap crap food in large quantities...but my digestive system doesn't like it and then I have to spend large amounts of time in the bathroom....it sucks because I tend towards being underweight so when I am not careful or having trouble affording food I lose weight I can't really afford to lose.

thanks though, and I can probably get this stuff worked out and figure something out(just gotta try not to obsess/stress over it too much)....guess its good to know I am not the only one frusterated about this sort of thing, but of course it sucks anyone has to be in that sort of position.


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16 Aug 2014, 11:41 am

Jacoby wrote:
I feel ya as I'm in much the same boat just a couple years younger, even dropped out of community college a few years ago. I don't like birthdays much, just living another year isn't much of an accomplishment and it just is kind of depressing comparing yourself to others at the same age. 'And yes, absolutely hate hate hate being asked if I am going to school or what my job is. I hate talking about myself to most people and avoid situations where I feel like I have to, that puts a pretty big hamper on socializing or even seeking assistance. I'm trying to jump thru the hoops now, give it all one last shot with these assistance programs but everything seems to move at a snails pace and usually ends in disappointment but I don't really have any other options and I am lucky to have what I have I guess.

A lot of people just lie when asked questions they don't want to answer in casual situations, I remember my mom told me a story about how my grandpa when they all went on vacation use to tell people that he owned a bakery or that he ran a funeral home while in reality he worked a much more menial job at the local paper mill for 50 years. It was an amusing story when I heard it the first time, why would somebody just make that up? I understand it now. I'm not sure I could do it, lying isn't something that comes very natural to me and doing it on the fly like that is pretty impressive to me. I'd be so afraid of getting called out for it. I usually just say I'm going to go to school soon or grumble something about looking for work but the economy being rough. Perhaps I should just start telling people I'm a marine biologist. :P


Yeah I try to avoid the comparison thing, but it can be a little hard...when I know or at least it seems half the people my age have a stable job at least, enough part time jobs to get by with or even a career and i know its not like i don't have those things because I didn't try hard enough I know there are legitimate struggles I have that get in the way of that stuff.

But yeah kinda trying to think of something clever to say when people ask me that.....but I don't want it to be something rude right off in case they are just trying to start conversation and curious and aren't someone who would judge me for being on SSI. I doubt I could make up anything elaborate like that and don't really see much point since the bigger the lie the more details you have to lie up lol.


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sly279
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16 Aug 2014, 11:58 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
sly279 wrote:
hope you have a happy bday.

yeah it sucks esspecially the debt, but really tis that I can't ever go back to get another in something I can do.

I don't get any money left over from my ssi. Wish I had enough to pay the 25 for gym so I could go get on the treadmill and such. fun stuff is out of the question except what I earn from temp jobs, which can get used up in gas fast.

when I first applied for food stamps they said they'd give me 20 then it was 0 then a year later i got 200 then they reduced it to 157. I miss the extra 43. i have like 30ish to live off of a week, not easy to do which is why i eat cheap crap food mos of the time and skip meals.
hope you can get it fixed and get some money for the concert.


Oh that's no good....I don't suppose you live anywhere you could like take the bus to save gas money? I'd hope perhaps you'd be able to eventually find a way to get a little extra left over for the gym. Lol I wish I could just eat cheap crap food in large quantities...but my digestive system doesn't like it and then I have to spend large amounts of time in the bathroom....it sucks because I tend towards being underweight so when I am not careful or having trouble affording food I lose weight I can't really afford to lose.

thanks though, and I can probably get this stuff worked out and figure something out(just gotta try not to obsess/stress over it too much)....guess its good to know I am not the only one frusterated about this sort of thing, but of course it sucks anyone has to be in that sort of position.


so your bday is on the 19th?

the bus takes longer then driving and depending on distance can cost the same. its $4 a day or $2 if I use my disabilied pass. driving to my temp job cost $3 in gas a day. and is 20 mins instead of hour and half time there and then back an hour. my food will defrost by then. ideal I would like ajob close enough to walk or take just the one bus. I will tr to limit my search for in my city, but the city next to us tends to have mos the jobs. I hope I can too.

i have disgusting system problems too that lead to like an hour every day or so in the restroom, I am kinda lactose, so I get upset from milk, cheese, and other stuff. hamburger tends to too. unfortunately all the cheap food is pretty much just those things lol. pizza, cereal, hamburger helper, lasagna. I could maybe get help from a pill but can't afford it.
what things do you eat?

hope you don't lose the weight then. I wish that was my problem.

I hope you do and can avoid stressing over it, though i know that's hard. sorry I can't offer you a real hug.



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19 Aug 2014, 5:36 am

25 isn't old, infact its a really good age. Your bodies done maturing, your mind is at a good stage for self improvement and learning, you can have kids or get in shape by exercising--which at least improves the way your mind handles and deals with stress.



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19 Aug 2014, 10:35 am

Greatsharkbite wrote:
25 isn't old, infact its a really good age. Your bodies done maturing, your mind is at a good stage for self improvement and learning, you can have kids or get in shape by exercising--which at least improves the way your mind handles and deals with stress.


It feels like my mind is at a good stage for driving me insane, but not in the best of moods lately.

Also I can hardly take care of my own needs efficiently, no way in hell I could endure a pregnancy and take care of a baby...not sure that is even anything I'd ever really want to do, but I guess I will see what happens in life. But yeah I am not even looking to have a serious relationship at this point let alone a child.

And I already get plenty of excercise, my problem is being borderline underweight and then getting underweight....somehow I think even more exercise would cause me to burn off even more weight. I have to say though it does not seem like getting excercise via not driving and having to walk/bus anywhere has not done anything for how my mind handles and deals with stress, that has just gotten gradually worse but I have PTSD which also really interferes with ones ability to handle stress.


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19 Aug 2014, 5:57 pm

I completely understand you. I am 21 and don't like getting older either. Ever since I was a little kid, I have feared growing up and getting older. I currently go to school, work part-time, and live with my dad. I don't have a very positive outlook on the future either because I feel that I won't be able to find or hold down a real job when I am older. I don't like changes and I am not good in social situations. Life only gets harder as we get older. It sucks, I know. I completely understand how you feel. I wish that we could just be kids forever.